Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Communication

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Oh goodness gracious. She left a voicemail message today saying: "I have a growing amount of information to relay. If you want to know what it is, then you or [#1StepMom] can call me back. If I'm not available, then leave a message letting me know when would be best to call back."

    If she's capable of leaving such messages, why can't she leave her "growing amount of information" on the voicemail too, and be done with it?

    My husband is frustrated. I am frustrated. We are tired of her childish and selfish games.

    Comment


    • #17
      How often is she calling? Once a day, twice a week, once a week, etc.? Would it be possible to reply to all of her 'issues' say, once a week, via email? It would require a bit of work on your part, but then everything would be detailed, and she wouldn't get the amount of contact that she seems to be after, but your husband is still dealing with her.

      Comment


      • #18
        I do suggest that you print every email that send and receive.

        I would reply to her last email saying "I have received your email indicating that you will not send emails. I am somewhat confused. Please let me know what you mean by you will not send emails".

        When she replies to you by email, reply back that you are now even more confused.

        If you can't rationalize someone at least have fun with them ;o)

        Reminds me a of story. Near the end of my marriage 9 years ago, I was in the backyard cutting the grass and had to shut off the lawnmower so that I could hear my wife yell at me that I never do anything around the house.

        Some people just cannot be figured out.

        Comment


        • #19
          Send her an email informing her that you will agree to her request to communicate by phone, but because of previous misunderstandings, in order to keep track of what is decided in conversation, you will be recording all conversations.

          Explain that you would still find it more convenient to deal with things via email, as taking the recordings to a notary and having them transcribed and notarized is unnecessarily time consuming, but you will do this if she prefers.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by Gary_P View Post
            Reminds me a of story. Near the end of my marriage 9 years ago, I was in the backyard cutting the grass and had to shut off the lawnmower so that I could hear my wife yell at me that I never do anything around the house.
            Wait, you mean my wife was also married to you?

            My wife used a points system. If she did something it was worth 10 points. If I did the same thing it was worth one.

            Comment


            • #21
              Mess, the thing is that my husband does NOT want to communicate with her by phone, as this would allow her to change the status quo. She has done this before... gone against court orders, agreements, mediator recommendations, you name it, by unilaterally deciding to change the orders and/or status quos and refusing to cooperate, unless my husband agrees to her new terms.

              It's the principle of the matter... that she CANNOT be allowed to do as she pleases simply because she had some whimsical idea that this is what she wants right now... because in a few months time, she'll want something else and will resort to the same childish tactics to change the status quo to get what she wants at the given time.

              And the reason she acts this way is simple... she has learned from family court that status quo has more weight than an agreement, and if she can succeed in changing the status quo (in this case, the method of communication) she will succeed in getting her way.

              Right now, where things stand...
              - Written communication has been the only method used for the past 6 years
              - Written communication was recommended by mediators, lawyers, and a court-ordered counselor
              - My husband does not trust her one bit (from past experiences)
              - My husband knows she has unfavourable ulterior motives towards us
              - My husband is reluctant to put himself in another vulnerable position as a parent by agreeing to her unilaterally decided terms of communication

              So, my husband has decided to ignore her voicemails and emails stating she has information to communicate but will only do so "live" and will await for that information to be communicated to him in the way it has been up until recently.

              It seems this is all he can do, given the circumstances of this ridiculous situation.

              Unless, of course, someone has another idea? One that would not involve "caving" to her selfish terms?

              Comment


              • #22
                why do the courts allow these type of parents to be the primary residence? especially when she changed the status quo to get more money...why cannot the courts see this, that more quality time with the NCP is the best interest of the child and not with a CP who plays games

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by frustrated11 View Post
                  why do the courts allow these type of parents to be the primary residence? especially when she changed the status quo to get more money...why cannot the courts see this, that more quality time with the NCP is the best interest of the child and not with a CP who plays games
                  You are so right, Frustrated. Thank you for understanding. After all, this is the same "parent" who restricted my husband's access with a biased doctor's note to less than the 40% he originally had... and succeeded in getting it court ordered and obtaining an order for full child support because by the time the court heard my husband's motion, her forced access schedule had become status quo. This is also the same "parent" who cries that she doesn't have enough money to buy the child new pants and shoes, yet refuses to accept the pants and shoes my husband sends from our house. Did I mention this is the same person who is bringing a motion to court for child support to be based on mine and my husband's household income because she claims that my husband was intentionally unemployed when he lost his job during the recession? This is also the same parent who chooses to place the child in year-round daycare despite mine and my husband's availability to care for the child during school vacations. And she wants for my husband to not only cover 50% or his proportionate share (whichever is greater) of the daycare costs, but also 100% of daycare costs incurred during his access and vacation time.

                  It baffles me how the courts cannot see that with her, it's not about what's in the best interest of the child, but about money?

                  And now, with this sudden and unexpected communication stunt, how can we trust that she's not up to something... again? KWIM?

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Why don't you just send him a FIRM LETTER that becase thats the staus quo and thats what was recommended and thats what you just want to maintain A WRITTEN COMMUNICATION.Believe me people don't change and specially nasty kinds.They think the world owes them for their greatness.
                    And if she has some information which she wants to convey only VERBALLY it certainly means its useless and fake info .She is hesitant to comunicate in writing because she don't want a proof of such.
                    My ex came to me in June and apolosized.I had forgiven him anyways so i just said NEVER Mind bla bala bal.After that he was extra nice for 2 months and then came with an paper for me to sign STATING THAT HIS OBLIGATIONS ARE OVER IN TERMS OF CS(KIDS ARE 6 and 4) and he would help me to the best of his ability so i am willingly withdrawing from FRO.Not to mention when i refused to sign he is at his same old behaviour and reduced his payements to 1/3rd .
                    I would suggest stop paying attenton to her voice messages .When you wont mail back 4-5 times she will know her place.KEep yourself updated about thechild (school,medical records etc etc)

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      [QUOTE
                      Reminds me a of story. Near the end of my marriage 9 years ago, I was in the backyard cutting the grass and had to shut off the lawnmower so that I could hear my wife yell at me that I never do anything around the house.

                      Some people just cannot be figured out.[/QUOTE]


                      hahahahaah perfect timing.Like my ex was telling the nurse in CHEO(after he called CAS on me for being a terriblemom) I am such a lazy A$$ that I keep myself busy in cleaning ,cooking and raising two kids (1.5 and 4 months)that i have no time to take my kids to shopping when he is at work.I am totally dependent on him.:-).Thats too when i never had a driver's licence,there was no bus service around(moved to still developing location where we never even had a zipcode).
                      Sometimes we get married to great people unknowingly.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by sufferer View Post
                        Why don't you just send him a FIRM LETTER that becase thats the staus quo and thats what was recommended and thats what you just want to maintain A WRITTEN COMMUNICATION. Believe me people don't change and specially nasty kinds.They think the world owes them for their greatness. And if she has some information which she wants to convey only VERBALLY it certainly means its useless and fake info. She is hesitant to comunicate in writing because she don't want a proof of such.
                        I completely agree. My husband HAS sent such a firm letter, and emails with the same message, over and over... yet she refuses to communicate unless it's on her terms: "voice-to-voice" or "face-to-face" and undocumented. (She is claiming that she doesn't require documentable communication, and that it's my husband's problem if he does require it.)

                        It's gotten to the extent that in response to my husband's email regarding an upcoming accommodation request, she responded (by email, might I add): If you want me to accommodate your event, you can call to discuss. Otherwise, my answer is no.

                        And this is in response to my husband's email stating that ALL schedule/visit accommodations are to be made in writing! This is how it has been done for the past 7 years!!!

                        I have a sickening feeling that she will soon start denying him access if he continues to refuse to communicate on her unilaterally imposed terms.

                        But, knowing that she has screwed him over time and time again in the past with such tactics, he is standing strong and being adament about only communicating in writing, as it had been recommended by lawyers, mediators (including high-conflict mediators) and a court-ordered counselor.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Wow. She left yet another voicemail and sent yet another email demanding that either my husband or I call her back "to discuss" whether we can pick the child up early this Friday, as well as other "issues" and "information she has to convey." If she has the time to leave such frequent voicemails and send emails, why can't she type "yes you can pick him up early" or "no you cannot" in an email? Or say it in one of the many voicemails she has left demanding voice-to-voice communication. Baffling! (Supposedly, as per her latest voicemail, telephone messages and email are not forms of 'communication.' - Did you know that?)

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            I am actually starting to wonder whether or not we are dealing with the same woman? Sounds just like my husbands ex, it is all about control. She wants it her way, and reminds us at all times visitation, communication, everything is in her discretion? We do not give into her whims and then it is back to court, we won't be controlled by her and the children one day will be judge, they cannot be treated like pawns, if you met her demands, you can see them, if not she'll make life more difficult. Just keep up with the email and tell her direct that do to past experiences and recommendations via the courts you would like all communication through email. If you were dealing with a normal person perhaps "voice to voice" would work but not for these people. JMHO.

                            Comment

                            Our Divorce Forums
                            Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                            Working...
                            X