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Well she finally got me charged....

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  • #1
    Your anger is mis-placed. The system protects those that need it at the expense of those that don't (false accusations) such as you face.
    It will do you no good to harbour anger towards your ex either, but shes really the problem, isn't she?

    I put forward a motion for access and was able to pick from any Monday following the day I filed. So it was very quick, and I was able to plan around it a little at least. I'm not sure if thats the way it works (Mondays) at every court, or just here in my town.

    I can only imagine the level of frustraion you must feel.

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    • #2
      After many years of fighting we finally decided, with a councillor to separate. We printed off our bank statements, spoke to lawyers and were going to try to do it amicably to save money and frustration. 5 days after we started this process she did the same to me as yours is doing to you. Through the power of her words alone she told the police that I was abusing her and the kids and asked for (and got) an emergency protection order removing me from the kids' lives for 3 years. I hired a lawyer that morning and 3 weeks later, after the grief and heartache I hope very few of us will ever feel I got my kids back.

      I don't know what to think about the system. I agree some families need emergency protection from an abusive partner/parent, and that kind of instant protection should be available, but there HAS TO BE some concequences for those who abuse it like this!

      My lawyer responded immediately with my request for full custody and for her to pay my costs to defend this and after about 2 weeks she came back saying she'd drop the protection order and we would share the kids 50/50 if I'd drop my demand for legal fees.

      So, my options were: 1: accept her proposal and be out big $$$$$$$ or 2: wait for a court date where her disgusting abuse of the legal system would backfire on her, both financially and in child custody, but by doing that I wouldn't see my kids again until the court date (maybe another 2 weeks...).

      In the end I had no choice and dropped my demand for costs.

      The result of that was there were absolutely no concequences to her using the legal system to abduct my kids (and that is EXACTLY what she did).

      If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't have given up so easily. I might have countered with her paying 1/2 of my legal expenses not to pursue it, or I may have asked her to wright an explanation (that was acceptable to me) for her actions. People like these need a real good legal shit-kicking or they learn that these things are tolerated and continue with unreasonable actions.

      I wish you all the best, and I think you'd have a pretty good case for sole custody if you can demonstrate that you were the primary caregiver (daycare or school staff). You should be able to argue that her actions were to maliciously push you out of the kids' lives and she likely wouldn't be a good candidate for shared parenting. I can only hope the courts don't have any tolerance for those who abuse the system like that.

      Keep us posted.
      DD

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      • #3
        I wouldn't worry about the criminal charges. We received legitimate death threats from a former landlord but the cops couldn't do anything until we had her literally on tape threatening to harm us. If her accusations are completely bogus, then it will die a quick death once it lands before a judge or prosecuting attorney.

        As for the impact on visitation, it shouldn't have any. Whatever you had in place before should be maintained. She has no right to arbitrarily deny you access to the kids. She would have to go back to court to have visitation changed and then she'd have to try and sell the judge on her crackpot story. Do you have an order in place re: custody/visitation right now? Is there some kind of restraining order?

        Regardless, make sure there are witnesses any time you meet you ex face-to-face during all this in case she tries to make another false claim. I would record all phone calls as well.

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        • #4
          Well I'm no lawyer, but I can't see how she can deny you access to your kids without a court order - particularly if the status quo has been 50-50. Going back to court on this ASAP is exactly the right thing to do. Even if her claims were not BS, she can't arbitrarily decide you don't get to see them anymore.

          Worst case scenario may be that until the criminal charges are sorted out, transfers have to be done by a third party or at a supervised visitation centre or something. When it goes before the judge and she brings up her false claim, just make sure you inform the judge that the allegations are complete fiction and to deny the children visitation with their father in the absence of any provable threat to their well-being is detrimental to all involved.

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