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  • "seasonal items"

    my ex wife is asking for money 60/40 split (me paying 60% as in an extracurricular cost) for what she calls "seasonal items" such as winter coats, boots, spring coats, sandals, shoes. school bag... everything worn between the two houses. we spit the children 50/50 with shared custody and i pay her child support according to our separation agreement, drafted a year ago. there is nothing in this agreement saying i owe money for these items she buys. isn't this what child support is for? she's even asked for 60% of a pair of mitts... might i add this all started when my girlfriend moved in with me a few months ago...

  • #2
    CS covers all of those items. However, the child may need some extra pairs of mitts, hats etc as things get forgotten. You each are responsible for making sure you have the extras at your home. She should not be asking you for anything.


    • #3
      thank you! and yes, i keep the extras at my house in case any are forgotten. my ex wife keeps saying 'i called my lawyer and she says i would win if i took you to court for this as it is 'common sense' you pay me' ... i didn't think it sounded right...


      • #4
        You need to shut her down if she starts on you again about it. Totally covered by CS. Even soccer, baseball teams, equipment, swim lessons etc. are covered too if she tries that as well.

        "Stop demanding money for these items for the kids. Child support covers it. Look it up or get a lawyer's advice if you need to. And if you are insistent about court, I would welcome it because when you lose, you will owe my court costs as well."

        Ok, depending on your relationship, the statement above might inflame the situation, but don't waver so she will realize you aren't going to be manipulated.


        • #5
          Just ignore that dribble and refuse to allow yourself to be engaged by it.


          • #6
            Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
            Just ignore that dribble and refuse to allow yourself to be engaged by it.
            I agree!

            When we were young and dumb (aka, we didn't know any better) we would provide my stepson's mom with full winter gear, as it was worn between the two houses, and we would also provide my stepson with a full wardrobe in our home, as his mother refused to send clothes with him for visits.

            It wasn't until MANY years later that a judge said this was absurd, and that as the "primary caregiver who receives child support" she was responsible for providing those items for the child, and providing them to us for visits.

            We purchased a duffle bag that the child brings with him on visits, where she now packs clothes for him. However, she often 'forgets' items and so we ensure that we have some outfits and undergarments, hats, mitts, etc., at our home as well.

            She can call her lawyer all she wants. What she's requesting is absurd!


            • #7
              So, who should pay when there's only one item purchased.

              If you have to purchase one winter jacket, which parent should cover it? I know that CS covers the basics, however, in shared custody, shouldn't these expenses be split in two?

              I think you could either alternate buying the items, or just split it 50/50.


              • #8
                I'm in a similar situation to you, with 50/50 custody and I end up giving her a bit of $$ each month according to the table offsets. We split the cost of common items (winter jackets, boots, sports, etc...) down the middle. We each have everyday clothing, toys, etc... that we've bought, but In our case it just makes sense to share those shared-item costs. Do you pay a disproportionately high level of child support? If not, is it unfair to share the cost of those seasonal items?



                • #9
                  That doesn't make sense to me, Deputy.

                  Well, I guess it does. If the child is living 50/50 then of course you need certain items at both homes.

                  But don't both parents pay CS in a shared custody situation?
                  So the parent with the lesser income still receives a CS payment (although reduced).

                  I guess its not really linear logic, but shouldn't the parent that actually receives CS in this situation pay for shoes/boots/what have you?


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by wretchedotis View Post
                    I guess its not really linear logic, but shouldn't the parent that actually receives CS in this situation pay for shoes/boots/what have you?
                    Technically, both parents are paying/receiving CS, just one parent is receiving slightly more. So, I don't think that logic works out.

                    I end up paying CS, just about half of what I would pay if my ex had full custody. But, on the other side, my ex is "paying" me an amount of CS.

                    I think these joint expenses in shared custody arrangements should be split. If it should be at the same rate as extraordinary expenses or 50/50 is up for debate.

                    In my situation, I pay a bit more, but it's not enough money to start a fight over.


                    • #11

                      You touched on a subject that I have been struggling with since my separation.
                      I have been paying table amount of child support and spousal support since my ex moved out with the kids.
                      They are not "athletic" but do enjoy playing house league soccer and hockey. Both are involved in Scouting and Guides.
                      Prior to separation, these activities were funded out of our "joint account". I put it in those terms because my paycheck went in and it funded everything.
                      Here is my problem...when it came time to register the kids for the sports and such, I asked my ex to pay for half of the cost. I was willing to pay my share, over and above what I was already paying in support.
                      She refused.
                      In order for the kids to be able to continue their activities, I had to pay for all costs.
                      I also take them to all activities, even when it is not my weekend. Don't get me wrong, any "extra" time with the kids is great, but there are costs associated with this as well.
                      We have no formal separation agreement yet. Just some temporary consent orders that don't deal with any of this stuff.
                      Am I out of luck with getting any of this money back?
                      Do I just "suck it up" because the kids (and I) get something out of it?
                      What are your thoughts?


                      • #12
                        You are not likely to get the money back, however going forward these costs should be paid out of her CS. Do you think your kids would lose out on these activities if she had to pay? That is something you want to consider as well.


                        • #13
                          The kids would definitly lose out on the activities.
                          That is the issue.
                          She won't give up her hair appointments or her manicure or new clothes.
                          I give up so the kids don't lose out.

                          Just the way it is I guess.


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