Are there any men here who actually got sole custody?

[NBDad]

Ask me in 3 months. I have a parenting capacity study nearing completion and my ex is being uncooperative with the assessor.

I'm expecting the study to find in my favor, which is apparently about as close to being guaranteed primary custody as I can get.

[dadtotheend]

I got sole custody and already told you

cl4, I have made at least 20 posts in threads you started, includling ones where I have said that I have custody. I am a Dad that has custody.

I have asked you five times why you aren't asking for sole custody, but you haven't responded.

What's up? Are you reading the responses closely dude?

[dadtotheend]

Mothers get custody 80% of the time. That is not due to gender bias, although one would be foolish to say that gender bias doesn't exist. It is due to the fact the Moms are still by and large the primary caregivers of children.

Many fathers give up because they foolishly (lazily?) think that they are so far behind the eight ball that they can't prevail. If you work hard, do your research, be the parent that the kids need throughout the court ordeal, you will not lose custody, and you can get it outright as well.

Yes, the population tells us that 80% of the time Moms get custody. But each case does stand on its own merit. Frankly, giving up because of the statistics is irresponsible.

If one is unwilling to leave no stone unturned to do what's right for the important thing in one's life, then what kind of moral fibre is one made up of?

[billiechic]

well said, and very true.

[helplessDad]

Mothers get custody 80% of the time. That is not due to gender bias, although one would be foolish to say that gender bias doesn't exist. It is due to the fact the Moms are still by and large the primary caregivers of children.

Many fathers give up because they foolishly (lazily?) think that they are so far behind the eight ball that they can't prevail. If you work hard, do your research, be the parent that the kids need throughout the court ordeal, you will not lose custody, and you can get it outright as well.

Yes, the population tells us that 80% of the time Moms get custody. But each case does stand on its own merit. Frankly, giving up because of the statistics is irresponsible.

If one is unwilling to leave no stone unturned to do what's right for the important thing in one's life, then what kind of moral fibre is one made up of?

that's nicely said, and I'd like to believe that and hope dads can win the custody with enough persistence, but of all the cases I've read where the dads gained the custody, mostly the ex wives were unusually unfit due to mental ilness, alcohol / drug issues, etc., but what if the wife is normal? I mean, everyone has some unusual traits and stuff, so what's normal! anyways but I assume majority of the custody battles are between regular Jack and Jill who are both equally capable of raising kids, no? technically men and women should have 50% chance in gaining the custody, at least a shared custody. but of course that's totally not the reality. his concern is very understandable. if it wasn't so easy for women to win the custody, there wouldn't be so many divorcees.

cl4 may be in luck though according to his description of his ex.

[Mess]

If there were no such thing as stay-at-home mums, that might statisticly be the case.

I don't think there's any way around the fact that if one parent is the only breadwinner, especially if they work shift-work, and the other parent has been doing the bulk of the child care, then the stay-at-home is going to end up with custody more frequently.

I suspect if you limited the sample to parents who both worked full time, the figure would not be 80% or anywhere close. Whether it would be 50/50 I can't say.

[dadtotheend]

I'd like to believe that and hope dads can win the custody with enough persistence, but of all the cases I've read where the dads gained the custody, mostly the ex wives were unusually unfit due to mental ilness, alcohol / drug issues, etc., but what if the wife is normal?

There are cases where Mom is "normal" but moved out of the family home and lost custody, or cases involving "house-husbands" who are primary caregivers, they can obtain sole custody.

And in cases where Mom obtained sole custody, it can be due to mental illness, drugs/alcohol or violence issues with Dad. It cuts both ways.

When both parents are equally capable and cooperative, joint custody is often the result.

I still believe that the biggest reason Dad's lose custody is because Moms are the primary caregiver. Sure Dad has more of an uphill battle because of gender bias, but it is not as steep as the stereotype would have us believe.

[Foredeck]

This is not me personally, but I know of a couple where the father got sole custody.

He was the main bread winner, worked long hours and was accused of not being a great father/husband.

However, in the family assessment, the mother lost it, she became very emotional, made irrational accusations and a few others things.

Also, he had significantly more money, so he was able to drag it out a bit longer in court, which made her mad, and made her become even more irrational.

The judge basically told her to grow up and gave him full custody with only about 4 full weeks of custody per year to the mother. The father was even allowed to relocate to another province.

I've read all the court rullings in regards to this case, and each judge were very rational and only took the well being of the children in consideration. So, if you are by far the healthiest option for the children, you may have a good chance of full custody.

Also, 80% of mothers have full custody, however, this is in decline. I believe, and don't quote me on this, but the majority of cases where there's a dispute, the judge will rule for shared custody. And, when the father wants custody, I believe the statistics are more even. You still have a lot of dead beat dads who have an impact on the statistics, but these, I don't think should be considered when looking at chance of having shared custody when both parents are involved.

[tugofwar]

You still have a lot of dead beat dads who have an impact on the statistics, but these, I don't think should be considered when looking at chance of having shared custody when both parents are involved.

What exactly is the definition of a dead beat dad?

[tugofwar]

[quote=dadtotheend;34046]There are cases where Mom is "normal" but moved out of the family home and lost custody, or cases involving "house-husbands" who are primary caregivers, they can obtain sole custody.

When the mom moves out, why is she leaving the kids behind? Is it because they are older and have school etc? Is it to not disrupt their daily life?

Why do they say to stay in the home? I don't get it. Im sure Im not the first to do this, did I really think it was going to end up here, NO. But it has and still when I look back think it was the best decision I made.


I left with my baby at 5 months- he knew I was leaving that day, did nothing to stop me. I returned to get some more stuff on my own and said nothing and did nothing.

[Foredeck]

What exactly is the definition of a dead beat dad?

There is still a lot of men who get a woman pregnant and run away. Unfortunately, that is the reality of things. They'll do anything in their power not to have the responsibility of the child. I've read in a few reports over the past year that states that in custody cases where both parents are capable and wanting custody, it's very even as to who wins custody.

[helplessDad]

I left with my baby at 5 months- he knew I was leaving that day, did nothing to stop me. I returned to get some more stuff on my own and said nothing and did nothing.

if he asked you to stay or leave the kids with him or reconcile, would you have done anything differently?

[tugofwar]

No, I did what I had to do and was the best decision I made to save myself and our child. I wasn't able to focus all my energy on her. I was getting depressed etc and it was not good for either of us.
He said he was never happy a day in his life. He was only staying with me and our baby back then and at the time (when we were still together) because he felt he had no other choice. Nice eh.
He didn't want her, used the fact that she was a girl, ( he wanted a boy but really dont think that would have made a difference) didn't want kids, basically "likes" his daughter, doesn't have to see her everyday and was too busy with work to spend anytime with her.
He did nothing to stop me. I didn't have to worry about him asking to leave her- he wouldn't know what to do with her nor wanted her around back then and still not 100% convinced he wants her now.

[tugofwar]

Oh by the way, I do know a dad that fought for sole custody of his daughter, mind you it took years to do. Im so happy he did what he did because the mother was a massive wreck and from what I remember, her other child with another man- he faught also to get sole custody (not 100% sure if he got it or is still in the process)

[singledad99]

I have the sole custody of my son. A friend of my son is also in his father's custody. I have met couple other dads who have custody of their children. Those children are from all ages, both boys and girls.

Don't be disheartened by the stats. It is all up to you how you want to be the father you want to be!