Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

travelling and shared custody

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • travelling and shared custody

    We're negotiating the final wording on the separation agreement, and my ex has requested that a line be put in stating that when travelling outside the immediate region, the other parent must be notified and carry a cell phone to be reachable at all times.

    She tried to stop me from travelling outside of the province on my week-end off, so, it stems from this.

    I have no issues with telling her where I am. I am slightly worried about the wording of the availability. I see a few issues arising. First, what if I'm camping and there's no cell reception. Second, if I'm in church or something similar, I won't keep my cell turned on. And, third, if Im in a house, I will turn the cell off, however, she will have the phone number where I'm staying at.

    Has anyone had a similar clause in their agreement or has a good example of the wording?

  • #2
    It is reasonable for you to inform her if you are travelling outside of your normal area, and to carry a cell phone. But that would mean if you are going on a vacation etc. She is asking for a little too much control IMO. Are you willing to give her that much control? is it likely that she will be calling you to check up on you? Is she really willing to follow these rules herself?

    I don't have wording, but I hope you have thought all of it through. Just don't want to see you agree to something that is doomed to be a PITA.

    Comment


    • #3
      I am fine with informing her if I am going away. If I'm going shopping 30 minutes away, she won't be informed.

      She will call once a day when I'm away. It's annoying and inconvenient, but I can live with that.

      I'll just ask my lawyer to word it vaguely and see what he comes up with.

      Comment


      • #4
        20 years ago hardly anyone had a cell phone. Even 10 years ago they weren't so common and many families survived without one.

        I'll be trite, modern communication is a blessing and a curse both. But at no other time in the history of humanity would your ex expect to have the ability to contact you or the child 24/7.

        This level of contact is not a "right". I'm not saying this casually. Rights are universal and indestructable in a legal sense, they can be suppressed but they cannot be destroyed or removed. If a government or individual suppresses rights, they are still there and the breech of law is automatic. In theory we don't need specific laws to protect our rights, the courts can "find" rights without having them worded in law, they exist whether we speak of them or write them down, or not.

        OK, I'm going over the top here, but the thing is your are dancing at the edge of a cliff. She does not have a right to expect to be able to contact you or the child 24/7 (or even once per day at her leisure). There is no law written which gives her a non-rights based entitlement. There is no common expection in ordinary society. There is no specific need. She can't show any of this.

        She is simply making an arbitrary demand that has no basis in law, ordinary social norms or common sense. She is acting as though it is a normal requirement, but in no sense is this true. When I was ten and my dad took me fishing, my mom wouldn't have been able to contact us, whether it was a few hours or a few days overnight camping.

        When the child is in your care it MUST be presumed that you are sensible, caring and diligent. You don't answer to her, she is not your supervisor or manager, and you don't have to report in or be subject to regular checks. Obviously because of your separation you should give your general itinerary, when you leave, when you will be back etc, and EMERGENCY contact numbers are normal. Demanding the means and ability to contact you 24/7 is NOT NORMAL.

        "Both parties agree and acknowledge that each parent is caring, responsible, diligent, and is fully capable of providing care for the child independantly of the other.

        Both parties agree to provide itineraries and emergency contact numbers when traveling with the child overnight or longer."
        I wouldn't go any further than that. However you word it, it should be neutral, it should apply to both parties equally. She should have to live with the same restrictions as you do, otherwise it's loaded with inuendo and the agreement becomes asymetrical.

        Comment


        • #5
          Thanks Mess,

          Isn't there a line in the act or somewhere that states that each parent should have access to the child at all times. You can not refuse access to your ex's child?

          And, if so, wouldn't telephone calls be considered access?

          Comment


          • #6
            No, there couldn't be anything like that, obviously some parents don't share custody, some parents have restraining orders, etc. There is no general prescription for access, it is worked out between each couple case by case.

            Like I say, even ten years ago expecting someone to be within contact by phone at "all times" wouldn't just be unreasonable, it would be impossible for most people. The law isn't written that way and I'd be surprised if it ever became updated to require that.

            There may be something in the act you're thinking of with similar wording, but nothing requiring access like that. If it was I could have had my ex in court a thousand times, and she me.

            Comment


            • #7
              Mess is right, it is an over the top request. Obviously you would be willing to let the child speak to her if she calls, but it is not something she has a legal right to enforce. You have a good working relationship already. She is splitting hairs. If you agree to facilitate and encourage communication between parent and child then that should be enough.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think you, Mess, should sit down with my ex someday. Would love to see that exchange

                Comment


                • #9
                  I am one of the rare internet personalities who is almost identical in person .

                  And Foredeck, you realize if you ever forget to charge your cell phone, you'll be in violation of a court order?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I often travel across the border as my family is there.My ex wanted the same clause that every single day whenI am at my parents Kids will call him.I simply refused and finally there is a clause that upon reaching safely to either side I willinform him .I think taths good enough.At times when i travel at nights and kids are sleeping I feel the burden of informing him .All the times accessible NO WAY

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      No, it is not the right of parents to be able to communicate as much as they want(daily) with their children. If you allow a clause like that in your order, you are asking for trouble.



                      Dont allow her to contact the child every day. In my opinion, just allowing the child to contact the other parent when they desire to is enough. The provisions in my own order allow the child to contact each parent when they want, and the other parent is to facilitate phone contact. SHE doesnt need to call, the child can call her if he or she wants.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by independentgal View Post
                        No, it is not the right of parents to be able to communicate as much as they want(daily) with their children. If you allow a clause like that in your order, you are asking for trouble.



                        Dont allow her to contact the child every day. In my opinion, just allowing the child to contact the other parent when they desire to is enough. The provisions in my own order allow the child to contact each parent when they want, and the other parent is to facilitate phone contact. SHE doesnt need to call, the child can call her if he or she wants.
                        Exactly. So many people confuse their own interests with those of the child.

                        Comment

                        Our Divorce Forums
                        Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                        Working...
                        X