Uncontested Divorce - Easiest?

[amjsolstice]

My wife and I wish to get a divorce... the simple fact is that I am gay, and though we've stayed together for the most part to take care of children (born of a desire to try and deny it, really)... she's fallen in love, and I can't fault her for that one bit.

We are still very much the best of friends, and I'm actually friends with her (hopefully soon) new husband. He's already moved in (over a year ago), and we've always decided that no matter what, all three of us should have some part in the children's lives, to the point that I intend on staying either in the same house in a separate 'apartment' or my own bedroom. She wants me to be part of the children's lives too, and we both want full equal custody of the children.

She wants to marry him. And we have roughly equal incomes (though she's on maternity right now). We want to get a divorce with as little court involvement, with us having already written up a DETAILED letter expressing our wishes, signed and witnessed by parents on both sides of the family (we seem to be lucky... supportive families all around).

This is probably the most amicable divorce ever... ~laughs~ I'm even going to be a witness when my soon to be ex-wife gets married again. The two of them are the dearest of friends, and rather than her father 'giving her away' at the some-day in the future wedding, it'll be me.

So, the question is... what would the EASIEST and FASTEST way to get a divorce, and not involve the court in any but the most minimal fashion? We've hammered out all issues such as custody and financial support, assumption of debts.

Obviously we're applying for divorce on the basis of adultery (is it adultery if I was alright with it? And she was alright with me having a boyfriend?)

So... advice, anyone?

[billiechic]

I don't know about the uncontested divorce, but I am glad to hear that things are so amicable between you two. You must be great parents to be able to work so well together.

[Mess]

amjsolstice, good for you! My ex is a lesbian and came out after our split, I wish that we could have had as amicable arrangement as you did.

You need a legal separation agreement to get a divorce, especially because you have children. Having a signed statement is a good start.

Ontario law requires that you both receive indepenant legal council, this can just be a free half hour consultation available from a family lawyer. Probably you will end up paying for an hour. You must each have your lawyer sign off on the separation agreement.

A lot of family lawyers will try to tell you, "OH NO! You haven't protected your interestes enough! You must do this that and the other!!!! "

My recommendation is to look for lawyers that also do mediation or collaborative law, these are lawyers that are capable of thinking outside the box, instead of doing a paint by numbers divorce with all the trappings. Either that or be prepared to stand firm against a lawyer's "advice" that you sue her ass off and try for full custody etc. She will get the same "advice".

You should be able to do this with an hour consultation and just get the bloody thing signed off. There may be some I's to dot and T's to cross that aren't in your letter, keep an open mind about this. The separation and custody agreement will in the long run protect your children as well as yourself and you need to have it worded properly.

Keep in mind that your ex may get divorced again some day, and their next spouse may not be as co-operative. You may find a stable love and get married or settle down in the arrangement of your choice, the living situation you have now may not last and last and last. You do want to spell out your custody and access levels.

Good luck.

[littleman]

amjsolstice you dont need any agreement or anything with your wife to recieve an uncontested divorce (I know because I was granted one even with a child involved). An uncontested divorce is exactly that.......you both agree to divorce. File with courthouse one calendar year after your separation and 90days later you will be granted your final decree. Of course to the cost of about 700$ however it is very low cost with some of the divorces out there.
By the way you both need to file together at the courthouse that is only stipulation.
Good luck to you both.

[FreeNow]

Mess,
You were married to a lesbian? I have to go back and check your previous posts. That's a biggie. Not exactly a family thing but I'm sure our judges would think it's just fine.

FN

[Mess]

Yes indeed she came out as a lesbian after we split, and I can't say I was surprised. It kind of explained only having sex a couple times a year....

I don't think I mentioned it before, it's not an issue with me legally or otherwise. I actually am less bitter now that she's come out, I don't take a lot of the old crap personally.

She'd never been with a woman before we married and I don't really blame her too much, although she certainly became more and more aware as the years went on and never opened up to me whenever I tried to talk to her about our obvious incompatability ("I don't know what you mean! I'm really attracted to you and I love having sex! Really!")

It only partially was responsible for our breakup. I know that seems odd, but she had a nasty habit of maxing out her credit cards and hiding the statements. There was a whole list of things she wasn't communicating about and as far as being angry and bitter about stuff, sexuality ended up far down the list.

In theory I could have worked out some kind of open marriage arrangement, at least until the kids were older. "In the closet with the door open" I think the saying goes... It was the other stuff that couldn't be reconciled.