Question after separation-courses??

[Aden]

I was told by a freind in Alberta that when separated/divorced in that province... you are required to both ( both parents_.. be involved in a subsequent course on parenting skills after the separation/divorce..which explains ramifications and impact of the issues on children etc...is their any such requirement in Ontario-- if there is not --its a shame it certainly would help my situation out.. ??
Anyone??
Thanks..

[logicalvelocity]

Aden,

In the Toronto area there is a mandatory course that has to be taken before you can proceed with a family law case in that area.

It is optional to take the course elsewhere in the province.

One good course that comes to mind is called "CHILDREN FIRST"

[Aden]

Thank you..

Can I take it even if she does not..want to.. Guess I`ll ask my lawyer for advice with it.. where can I get info on this course??? online??
Thanks Logical.. I am at the end of my nerve..rope with this mess... looking for alternatives to having the court route via negotiation....I am about done..
Cheers,,

[logicalvelocity]

Aden,

Yes you can take it. These courses are generally offered free of charge.
In Ottawa, I believe the FLIC (FAMILY LAW INFORMATION CENTRE) offers a similar course once a month. You just have to contact the FLIC and pre-register.

I always say, you cannot learn enough. I have taken the "children first" course and I highly recommend it.

On the other side of it, be sure to mention it that you have taken the course in your pleadings if you and your ex goes the litigation route.

[Aden]

Thanks so much..

Thank you very much.. I wish I could get her to take it as well... she orginally wanted me to see them so much.. and has really become bitter about it all recently..I am going to take the course...thanks....
I will look into this..
Logical.. I will PM you thanks..

[Tim]

You're defintely taking this course Aden?
I'd love to hear how it goes for you and if it really makes a difference, because I have been skeptical about it in the past.

[Aden]

Reasoning

My reasoning is that my ex is withholding our kids from seeing me.. since it is hard for her..I am no threat at all in any way to their safety.. at all never have been.. I am doing it so that it shows that I am concerned about our kids forma legal standpoint as well...holding them back from their Dad.. not even allowing them to call is not going over well with me at all..
So maybe it will show intiative if I take one..??

[CatvsLion]

This really irks me... how do parents get away with this? There is no legal agreement so how is it possible to withhold the kids from one parent? It really puts the burdon on the person who is trying to see the children... basically the control is with the parent who has the kids and they don't have to do anything in a hurry... meanwhile the other person is trying to plea for time with their children and having to try and speed up the ever so slow legal proceedings just to do it... then the control person uses this to delay and build up their status quo in their favour even though what they're doing isn't in the best interest of the kids.. but that's overlooked by the time it goes to litigation as it's so far away by then...and now we have to re-introduced the other parent and get use to a new routine. If I had to do it all over again I would've file the motion the day she left - even though I was trying to be amicle and reconsiling and feeling sorry for all of us and playing her guilt game. Now it's a year later and I'm worse off and also $10k more in debt because of delays and stupidness. I went to seeing my daughter every night, putting her to bed almost every night, to having to go 2 months with fighting to see her on a regular basis, then to getting my overnights back even though they were drastically reduced, all the while trying to settle custody issues and other stuff, then to have things almost to an end just to start up and loose my overnights again, and some of my time. It's funny how they argue that the child has to adjust and ease into the living arrangments with the other parent... but yet when we split the child automatically is fine with not seeing the other parent on a regular basis anymore? It's all nonsense and it makes me sick... I don't see why we can't just go our seperate ways and do what is best for the children from day one, which would be (in no harm situations) shared custody and then if it isn't working change it.... why should we have to fight for access when it's what we've had since the child has been born... what happened to innocent to proven guilty.

Sorry rant off.. but Aden I feel for ya... how old are your kids? Do they have a daycare, school, playgroups, that you could at least spend time with them there? How well do your parents get along with her or you with her parents...sometimes I would use those tools to see my daughter more.

It's a tough call on what to do ... she's pretty much making that decision for you though...

good luck

[hubby]

Lesson Learned ...

Aden,

You have just taught people on the board the IMPORTANCE of remaining in the matrimonial home ... it guarantees you'll continue to see your children. Now if the partner really wants you out, then draft up a seperation agreement outlining the rules.

Hubby

[Aden]

....

I actually moved out right away at her asking since she was nursing our little girl at the time and did not want to cause any further stress in any way...she moved out of the house after two months.... still no calls today from our son...this is a stalemate at this point.. and I need to do something on this issue..thank you everyone.. thanks ..
No idea why she has not let him call me at all....

[bearall]

Aden

Can you call your son ?? rather than wait for her to promote it.

[hubby]

Good point Bearall.

I believe there has to be SOME way to be able to see the kids again ... the only thing that comes to mind, if she is not being cooperative, is via some court order?

Let's wait to hear what others have to say.


Hubby

[bearall]

Hubby
This situation with Aden,in my opinion is not putting the interests of the children first. As a consequence it is seriously emotionally abusing Aden and also the children, it is not what we as adults and parents should be allowed to get away with even before the courts get involved.

[hubby]

Bearall,

No rebuttle on that. So, what's to prevent Aden from going with a friend (witness) and unexpectedly dropping by to see his kids. There is nothing in the way 'legally' preventing him from doing that right?

Sometimes, malicious/mean acts by one spouse comes back to haunt them. Her actions will more than likely not be looked upon very favorably by the courts if it should ever get to that.

Guess this is a good point for documenting everything in a journal ...

Hubby

[bearall]

In my opinion
Aden has to show he is doing everything he can legally and morally to stay involved with his children. This could mean what you suggest or phone calls or colourful letters (drawings) by mail or unexpected visits to school or activities. He can no longer rely on his ex to keep him in the loop,with regards to their children,(something else appears to be motivating her) I don't think he should unexpectedly and without invitation,just drop by his ex's home.
It shouldn't matter the animosity between the parents, the parenting scheme has changed for now and it is all about staying involved through your own means for the sake of the children now and in the future. Efforts must be made now, well before the courts start burning bridges.

Aden has to help himself defend against this abuse, and it is personally hurtful for me to have to watch him suffer in this way !