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  • apply for interim custody?

    So I've applied for custody, but I'm now wondering if I should have applied for interim custody.

    We have been sharing our daughter 50/50 for the past 3 months, so I know that would be the status quo. For the first 2 months we have been able to make decisions together, but now he is stalling me on decisions and going against what's in her best interest just to spite me (his words).

    He threatened to take her at least 6 times before we actually separated. He even went so far as to take her out of her bed and walk down thestairs at 11:30 pm one time. He's threatened to take her out of the country as well.

    But all this happened months ago. I'm not sure that he would do those things now, or if it was just to hurt me. I'm having a hard time being objective here. Do I need to file for interim custody? Would I even get it?

  • #2
    I am wondering when he made his threats etc before you separated was his way of trying to make sure you did not leave him?? It was fresh and new and maybe that was his way of trying to deal with it. If he hasn't done anything like that since then and you are not sure that he would do it now then maybe keeping things the way they are is for the best.

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    • #3
      I agree. When he made those threats we were still living in the same house. He has not made any threats (except to apply for full custody) since then. He has been manipulative and controlling, but I think he has realized how horrible that was to say.

      I really don't want to apply for interim custody if it is not needed. I don't want to cause any more problems, I just want him to know I am serious about making some decisions and moving on.

      I do think that I need legal custody though, based on his current actions to prevent a decision, as well as the power imbalance. I know he will continue to intimidate me and I need to make decisions for my child that are best for her, and not because I am scared of him or his reactions.

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      • #4
        An order for interim custody is made pending resolution of the matter in a final order. What did you ask for when you applied for custody? Was it joint custody or did you ask for sole custody?

        The threats are lame, they shouldn't be made and if they're not happening now and you get along OK for your child hopefully things will be good between you. That 50/50 status quo will then prevail for sure.

        If you truly feel that you can't get along raising your child, then a request for sole custody will be more compelling, for both of you.

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        • #5
          I applied for Sole custody. I only really want it for sole legal custody and am still wanting the 50/50 shared physical. But he is manipulative and preventing me from making decisions for our daughter. It was an abusive relationship. I've tried everything I can to make it work, I just want something we can count on and that works.

          I know if we have joint custody that we will be argueing continuously (as we have been) and the power will all be on his side. But I would never want him to lose his relationship with her (hence still having 50/50 physical)

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          • #6
            Hello BC,
            I'm curious - why do you say "the power will all be on his side"? What is his leverage?

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            • #7
              You're going to have a tough time arguing for sole custody but at the same time agreeing to a 50/50 parenting schedule.

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              • #8
                I say the power would be on his side because I have been abused and am intimidated by him. He can be very charming and appear to be co-operating, then convince me to do exactly what he wants. I just don't have the confidence to stand up to him and he will be able to continue controlling me through the decisions we have to make for our daughter.

                In abusive situations the courts don't often award joint custody as they know that the abuse party is likely to be taken advantage of.

                I did apply for Sole custody, and nothing is mentioned about access. If we can go to mediation I would be willing to continue the 50/50, as that IS what is best for our girl. I would not be arguing for 50/50, but I am prepared to accept it as what is best.

                My intention is not to take my daughter from her father, but to be able to make decisions that are the best for her. With joint custody he is able to prevent me from making those decisions, and even force me to give into whatever he wants, even if it is not what is best for her.

                I'm sorry I can't explain it better. If you have never been in an abusive relationship it is very hard to understand the dynamics.

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