Cant take this anymore

[Angel_]

I dont know where to start but here goes, I have been seperated going on 3 years, my husband was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. My children and I live in the matrimonial home, I asked him to leave as the abuse just escalated and I could not take it anymore. I have recently hired a lawyer to start with the legal seperation as he refused to do so and being that my house was for sale, I needed a letter for the bank to show the amount that he pays in child support and sposal in order to get preapproval for a mortgage, he would not supply me with that letter.I found a lawyer, paid a 5000.00 dollar retainer fee ( had to borrow that money) My ex also owns a business and alot of his buisness his cash and he is not honest with the government to my knowledge.. anyway I will make this short, I cant take it anymore! he has threatened me that if I go for any type of disclosure I will lose as he hides the cash and it wont be found so I wont be entitlted to much , he has said he will sell his share of the company and I wont get anything he has deducted money off my support because he says he was overpaying me. I really dont know what to do anymore , my kawyer has informed me that financial disclosure is a must I have told him that I dont want it as to what my ex has told me will happen if I do , my lawyer has drawn up a paper that states that he has advised me about getting disclosure and so on .. and I need to get a different lawyer to sign this letter I called 5 lawyers they all said no as they explained it is important to have financial disclosure for proper equalization of the assets, my lawyer told me that to and he also added that a judge may not even accept the seperation agreement without disclosure. I just want all this to be over with, my ex has told me that I have to agree with all that he says or he will make sure that I lose everything. I do not have money to keep paying a lawyer and I am trying to agree to everything he says as I see that I have no choice here, does anyone have any advice or can offer any help .. please I really cant take this anymore I thought once he was gone the abuse would stop but the verbal and emotional still continues and he still has control and I feel there is nothing that I can do

[dinkyface]

I assume all of his threats are statements are verbal? Stop communicating face to face on this - put some distance. Maybe it's too late for this, but start using email, so you have written proof of his intentions. Set up your phone to record these conversations (this is important - if you don't know how, find someone who does!).

He's bullying, and it sounds like a habit. I know it is easy for me to say, but, you can't live your life in fear of these threats.

Get all bank statements, credit card bills, car/mtg payment statements, purchace receipts etc. for as far back as you can, as evidence of your household spending. It might be useful later to show that he is spending more money than he is officially disclosing.

[billiechic]

You NEED financial disclosure, if not for you, for your children. Don't let him get away with this.

Do you have emotional support for yourself? It has been a while that you have been apart, he should not be able to hurt you this bad anymore. Please PM me if you want. I know what you are going through, I am doing this as well.

[Angel_]

All his threats are verbal and I never thought of taping any phone calls. I don't have any bank statements ect because I was never allowed to know anything financially I was not allowed to write checks or have any debt cards or credit cards, any money I needed I had to ask for and if he approved of it then he would give it t me.I have no one to support me with all this, I try to keep it away from my parents , my mom has cancer and my dad has had a few heart attacks I don't want to upset them. While we were married he made sure that I had no friends, and thats still where I sit today. I feel like I am going to go crazy, I do not see any positive coming out of any financial disclosure as he will change his companies books, he does alot of cash and I know that wont be found through a financial disclosure. I am truly lost although he isnt here to physically abuse me he is still showing he has control over all of this and yes I am weak even takig the time that we have been not living together he still controls as much as he can. Everything that I am doing is for my children, he doesn't care about anyone but himself as he proves that over and over, as I said I do have a lawyer, I need to get this letter signed stating that I am requesting no disclosure. My acknowledgement and direction from my lawyer states clearly that I am afraid of my husband, that I am willing to execute a seperation agreement without any proper financial disclosure that I am willing to execute a seperation agreement notwithstanding that i would be doing so under duress and undo influence put on me by my husband over the years and at present .. and it it then goes on to say .. I know that it would be difficult to get the truth from him , even if he were to provide me with full financial disclosure since I know that form the past that a lot of his buisness is done in cash and therefore difficult to prove.. I need to get that signed by another lawyer as to cover my lawyer so far no lawyer wants to sign it as they have all said they can not do it as they felt that I needed the disclosure. He does not email nor leave voice mail messages hes not stupid. He will block his number and call me or call from different numbers, I do not see him as i did call the police on him a year ago and he is not permitted to come on the property or have any contact with me to which he does not care because he calls when he wants to and yes i do for the most part hang up on him and have a breakdown after it feels as though no matter what I do this will never end and at times I feel I just cant go on with this. I know that seperation or divorce isnt easy but I didnt think it was this hard. I can not seek therapy for all that I have been through as I cannot afford it and I woudnt dare ask through the courts that he pay for me to get help.. I guess the bottom line is I am still afraid of him and he knows it.