need help!

[troubled_panda]

hello everyone,

I have decided to split up with my husband. We married for 3 years.

The question I have is, I earn more money than him and thus I have more asset than him (RRSP, cash, etc). How can I avoid doing the equalization of payment?? In this case, I am being punished because I am a hard working person? If he agrees not to take any of my asset (those accumulated after the marraige), do I still have to give him the share of the equalization payment?

We have no children so I think there's no need for spousal support?

please help..thank you very much in advance.

[representingself]

Ohhh Panda,

You HAVE to equalize ALL of the assets.

Men always get "punished for being hardworking persons".

He is legally entitled to 50% of ALL assets accumulated after the date of marriage, (as well as 50% of the debt).

Child Support is for Children, Spousal Support is for Spouses, and by the looks of things, if you make more $$$ and have more assets........

Well, you're gonna have to pay HIM spousal support!!

(PLUS a portion of your RRSP, Pension, keep him on your benefits package, etc. etc. etc).

That's the law, there is no way around it.

Hopefully, because you weren't married for very long, you wont have to support him for very long.

Good luck, and remember... NEGOTIATE NOT LITIGATE

Maybe you can get him to agree to a settlement.. Good Luck!

[troubled_panda]

hi representingself,

thanks for your answer!

so...does it mean if I can get him to sign an agreement not to have an equalization payment (or an uneven separation of properties), then I could get away with less than 50% loss of my things??

thank you very much.

[representingself]

You betcha!

If you can get him to sign a seperation agreement, and have it filed with the court, you'd be good 2 go!!!

It really is uo tot he two of you to decide how to deal with your personal affairs.

The only time the court steps in is when you can't agree on things!!

Just make sure you get that agreement filed at the court!

P.S. If you both choose to sign WITHOUT first getting Legal advice, a Judge may over-rule your agreement in the future if problems arise! Be careful!

[singledad99]

Question is would you be willing to accept less than half if the situation were reverse? To me it sounds very selfish of you to deny his share when he clearly has a right to it. If you really wanna settle through negotiation just give him half and half and be done with it. If your agreement is fair, you don't even need lawyers because he can't get more than fair no matter what. Got it?

If you choose to do it your way and he takes you to the court, you will end up paying your legal costs and his as well. Now, if you do that math you will end up getting less than 50% in that case. So be smart and do the right thing!

[troubled_panda]

why would i be selfish?

i made more contribution to the family before it breaks down and he is a MAN?!!! Would a man really want to accept 'help' or stuff from the wife?? I don't get it, we have no children, so it's really just between him and me.

He already expressed that he has no interest in splitting the asset i have....so I just wonder if there's a way that I can really get away with.

I do work much harder than him, I earn more money is not my fault, we have an equal share of housework too. Not like in stay at home mom's case where the spouse gave up their work to raise a kid.

[representingself]

Hey Panda,

Go to your local family law information center, get some info on how to go about drafting up a legal seperation agreement.

Make sure you both see some sort of independent legal counsel before you both sign.

Like I said, there is no need to involve anyone else in your personal marital affairs, unless the two of you can't agree. If he agrees, divide as you both see fit, write it down and go on your merry, seperate ways

I feel for ya girl, but just because he is a MAN doesn't mean he is less entitled to the profits from the marriage.
Fair is fair, and in this case its 50/50!! (plus some SS for him).

Our system is gender biased towards women enough as it is. I know you work hard, and be proud of that fact.

Men get screwed over by the court system EVERY DAY.

You can't automatically have it your way because you are a woman.

If he wants half, your better off to suck it up, pay him off, and get on with your life. Going through a court battle, is NEVER a good idea. Lawyers are evil creatures who will make you HATE each other, instigate unnecessary WARS, and for nothing but to line their own pockets. Good luck !

[troubled_panda]

thanks very much, representingself. I will go see a lawyer soon. I just hope he won't change his mind

I guess I know what you mean by men are screwed big time.....sigh. I feel sorry for you guys too.

[standing on the sidelines]

Question is would you be willing to accept less than half if the situation were reverse? To me it sounds very selfish of you to deny his share when he clearly has a right to it. If you really wanna settle through negotiation just give him half and half and be done with it. If your agreement is fair, you don't even need lawyers because he can't get more than fair no matter what. Got it?

If you choose to do it your way and he takes you to the court, you will end up paying your legal costs and his as well. Now, if you do that math you will end up getting less than 50% in that case. So be smart and do the right thing!

I agree with you on all you said but I am wondering if the fact that is was a fairly short marriage is it really fair?? My first marriage was about the same and I did not ask for SS or half of any of his money.

[Mess]

why would i be selfish?

i made more contribution to the family before it breaks down and he is a MAN?!!! Would a man really want to accept 'help' or stuff from the wife?? I don't get it, we have no children, so it's really just between him and me.

He already expressed that he has no interest in splitting the asset i have....so I just wonder if there's a way that I can really get away with.

I do work much harder than him, I earn more money is not my fault, we have an equal share of housework too. Not like in stay at home mom's case where the spouse gave up their work to raise a kid.

When you get married all assets are jointly owned between the two of you. If you don't want that then don't get married.

When you are married, you both have an equal share of all money earned. It's not "your" paycheck, it is money shared equally by both of you. If you don't want that then don't get married.

A marriage is a business partnership where both spouses have equal shares, they have equal shares in debts and losses, and equal shares in all profits and money coming in. Just because you have a certain job and he has a lessor job doesn't mean you "own" most or all of the profits. If you don't want that, then don't get married.

[singledad99]

When you get married all assets are jointly owned between the two of you. If you don't want that then don't get married.

When you are married, you both have an equal share of all money earned. It's not "your" paycheck, it is money shared equally by both of you. If you don't want that then don't get married.

A marriage is a business partnership where both spouses have equal shares, they have equal shares in debts and losses, and equal shares in all profits and money coming in. Just because you have a certain job and he has a lessor job doesn't mean you "own" most or all of the profits. If you don't want that, then don't get married.

I like your post. In my case I was the sole bread winner most of the times. My ex quit her job whenever she had conflict at work. So the house, contents and even her RSP contributions were all paid for by me. I gladly split everything with her. As a matter of fact I didn't dispute her many of her unfair claims because doing so would transfer the money to the lawyers instead. Now the house is in my name. If I get married again that would mean I would be sharing the house value with the second wife even though I already paid >150% for its value and contents. If I don't want that I simply have to NOT get married.

[standing on the sidelines]

you can get married and keep things separate. Just get a pre-nup done.