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  • #46
    Originally posted by #1StepMom View Post
    What happens in situations where a child is born out of wedlock, to parents who were never in a relationship (ex: brief encounter, one-night-stand, teenage tryst, etc.) but who both accepted the responsability of taking care of their child separately, and who both hope to have a marital relationship and family of their own? Should that dream of having a family be denied to them because, for unplanned reasons, they are responsible for a child? Granted, it will be much easier for the custodial parent receiving support to realize this dream, but what about the non-custodial parent who responsably pays child support and wants nothing more than to abide by the guidelines which have somehow passed him by and for inexplicable reasons don't apply because his wife has an "above average" income? And so this couple, wanting nothing more than to have a family together, is unable to do so because they are both supporting another child, a child who is not the biological child of the "stepmom" and a child who is being supported by three if not four 'parents.' I'm just curious how this is justified. Because I just cannot see it.

    Interesting discussion. Re above quote, but why should a new partner's child support payments have anything to do with you being able to have kids of your own? Maybe you have to look at your partner's income as net after cs payments have been made and thus making your own standard of living a little less. Having kids is expensive (i'm a single mom that raised a child without cs from my ex) but at least there are two of you. In my case i did it alone, struggles, worked 15hr/day/7 days/week for the past 15 years, again: alone.

    It is not impossible to raise a child on a shoe-string, it's close bond you form. It's not easy, but at least you will have a partner to share the responsibility with, and your child/children will have siblings.

    There are two ways to look at this.

    best of luck and go after your dreams of having a family (but maybe you might want to look at your new partner's background, he may dump you as well when things get tough and you'll be here complaining about being a single parent ) - not singling out any one in particular in this post, just making a general statement.

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    • #47
      Originally posted by lulu46 View Post
      Well this might not make you happy but if your husband had a history of making more then imputing an income was the judges way to be sure that he was not making less cause he could!
      He never had a history of making more. He actually had a history of making less. The reason for this being that he had only just started university, during which time he didn't make the best choices (we've all been there) and had a one-night-stand which resulted in him fathering a child at a very young age. Both him and the mother of the child agreed that they both wanted to finish their schooling and obtain a degree, and so that is what they both did while he worked part-time and paid as much child support as he could, voluntarily, in amounts that were greater than the guidelines required (he was unaware of the guidelines at the time). When they finally went to court to set up child support properly (instead of agreements made between them, without knowing the rules and law associated with child support) the guidelines didn't matter to the judge. It didn't matter that he was a full-time student working part-time trying to make a future for himself to benefit his child. It didn't matter that the mother was enrolled in school full-time as well and not working, so why wasn't he allowed this same option to get an education? I think that is where the double standard lays, in situations where the guidelines are ignored and one parent is allowed certain luxaries while the other is not. Do you see what I mean?

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      • #48
        sure do! Some times I think the judge has a grudge for one reason or other...I have had both sides! This worries me! AS its obvious to me what my ex is up to but who knows when we get the court what mood he/she might be in!

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        • #49
          Wow I have seen the SS amount has low to high range.But child support isbased on the payors income.How come you have to pay a loyt more thanthe guidelines.My ex pays on his imputed income as he left his $70,000 job and still i get the child support only on 50,000.And he refused to share any additional activities cost , dental cost etc.;-((

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          • #50
            Originally posted by sufferer View Post
            Wow I have seen the SS amount has low to high range.But child support isbased on the payors income.How come you have to pay a loyt more thanthe guidelines.My ex pays on his imputed income as he left his $70,000 job and still i get the child support only on 50,000.And he refused to share any additional activities cost , dental cost etc.;-((
            Like Lulu said... it depends on the judge's mood. In our situation, my husband was ordered to pay above guidelines because - as a young student - he was living with his parents at the time and so the judge felt that since he can be supported by his parents, he can thus pay more than guidelines. And now, since he's living with me - despite both our names being on the lease - and based on what the judge called my "above average" income, he was ordered to pay above the guidelines because the judge felt that I could easily support him too. And please note that my husband makes a decent income too. It's not as if he's underemployed or anything of that sort. Again, it all depends on the judge's mood and personal feelings on the matter. After all, the Canadian court does give them full authority to order an amount above or below guidelines if they feel it's "appropriate." Though I have never seen a lower amount ordered.

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            • #51
              Well I am where you are mine was paying 1300 and wants to pay 350! And has still not contributed to extraordinary costs! Its been three years of one thing or another from this guy all I can say is I am glad I dont share custody as he would always being making excuses! So lets see what the judge says!

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              • #52
                I think what we all want is to pay or receive what is legally obligated according to guidelines (even if guidelines are flawed, as per the recent Canadian Court report). What we are all frustrated with is the inconsistency of support orders. And for some, lack of enforcement as well.

                Nathank posted an interesting link in Political Issues under the thread of Guidelines to Change May 1 (or something along those lines). It's worth a read, especially by support payors.

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                • #53
                  Just a thought....if you don't want to support the children you have then maybe you should be thinking vasectomy before more come along!!!

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                  • #54
                    wouldn't you think that after so many marriages something is wrong? Doesn't someone learn the first time around? I think divorce is far too easy to obtain. If the rules made it more difficult as to include searching out all options to at least attempt to fix the marriage maybe this child support wouldn't become such a huge issue.

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                    • #55
                      I disagree, I think a marriage is far too easy to obtain. Maybe if people had to put greater effor into getting married in the first place fewer divorces would occur.

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                      • #56
                        So here's a twist to the discussion, I pay cs and ss, if my present partner were to leave and I was paying cs to her, does it affect my ss? I can't make ends meet now, so if I were to have 2 cs payments AND a ss payment it would be finacially impossible for me to live. Do second children come before first wives?

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