changing believes of spouse - divorce in process

[itsupportguy]

I've been dealing with what I suspect is undiagnosed BPD in my spouse. One of the major issues is her constantly changing beliefs. I asked her to seek medical help, but instead, she repeatedly asked for a divorce and never agreed to see a doctor. Eventually after a year of separated status, I filed for divorce, and we are currently self-represented due to financial constraints.

It was agreed that I would handle the paperwork as research was needed for the divorce paperwork. However, when I filed, her response in court painted her as the victim, stating that she "did her best to save the marriage but was served with divorce papers anyway."

Her WhatsApp messages with me, however, tell a different story, showing that she was actually advocating for divorce. I'm finding it extremely exhausting to deal with her distorted thinking and memory issues. If I confront her with past messages, she becomes angry and refuses to acknowledge her own words. Her current feelings seem to be the only thing that matters to her, regardless of the facts, and she expects no one to dispute them.

There have also been incidents of rages, mood swings, throwing objects, and threats to call the police. She even sent me a message saying she "doesn’t need to work hard on this case—all she needs to do in court is say that I’m the abuser." These behaviors are deeply concerning, especially since we have two children involved. Due to her refusal to seek mental health services and her erratic behavior, I've requested 100% custody of the children.

I don’t want to reveal all of my evidence before the trial, but I’m considering filing a motion to present some of it to the court to demonstrate the seriousness of her behavior. Would this be advisable? I’m looking for any insight on how to proceed, as the situation is becoming increasingly draining.

Also based on this can I request early trail ? I dont foresee problems at trail when I hire a lawyer because under stress she will either have memory loss or will be emotionally dysregulated and not make any sense.

[rockscan]

Non of this is relevant to get a divorce. If you have been separated for a year and have agreed on the splitting of assets then it is a simple divorce.

If you have children then this information may be relevant to custody and supervised parenting time.

If spousal support is involved this is not relevant.

To the best of my knowledge abuse or mental illness is only important for the timeline to get divorced (one year of separation is not necessary) and custody/parenting time.

Don't waste your time or the judge's time on responding to irrelevant information.

[Asphenaz]

You suspect, but you're not a doctor are you? And she has not been diagnosed. So until that changes, it's a YOU problem, not the courts. The courts only care about what's on paper, harsh I know but true. I went thru the same, lots of false accusations and threats, so I learned to leave my ego and emotions at the door. You don't have to respond to everything she says.

Are the kids in any real and immediate danger? If yes, why haven't you done anything about it? No, then again it's a YOU problem.

Have you looked at these sites:

Family arbitration / mediation - an option instead of going to court.
Guide to submitting Family Court online
CLEO - Online wizard to help fill out paper work and tells you next steps.

[Tayken]

I've been dealing with what I suspect is undiagnosed BPD in my spouse.

The probably is low. Occurrence of an Axis II disorder of the personality is super rare and like a 1% occurrence in population. Every judge has heard this BS from litigants. You are in conflict with the other party in the matter and that does not make them "personality disordered".

One of the major issues is her constantly changing beliefs.

"Beliefs" are not "facts". Who cares what the other party "believes". Judges don't care about "beliefs" they care about facts.

I asked her to seek medical help, but instead, she repeatedly asked for a divorce and never agreed to see a doctor. Eventually after a year of separated status, I filed for divorce, and we are currently self-represented due to financial constraints.

Your belief that the other party needs mental health support is just that a belief. Keep your beliefs to yourself.

It was agreed that I would handle the paperwork as research was needed for the divorce paperwork. However, when I filed, her response in court painted her as the victim, stating that she "did her best to save the marriage but was served with divorce papers anyway."

Judges don't care. Canada is a no fault divorce law. So, either party can file and the other party can respond but, no judge is not going to order the divorce because they other party didn't want it. Stories don't do anything other than waste time. First case conference judge will clarify what is relevant to the matter.

Her WhatsApp messages with me, however, tell a different story, showing that she was actually advocating for divorce. I'm finding it extremely exhausting to deal with her distorted thinking and memory issues. If I confront her with past messages, she becomes angry and refuses to acknowledge her own words. Her current feelings seem to be the only thing that matters to her, regardless of the facts, and she expects no one to dispute them.

Who cares. You haven't mentioned anything that is fact bound or related to a matter a court would deal with. Like financial asset separation, child support, custody, residence schedule for children, spousal support, etc... How you have come before the court is meaningless. You want a divorce you filed for such and then financial matters and child matters need to get sorted out.

There have also been incidents of rages, mood swings, throwing objects, and threats to call the police. She even sent me a message saying she "doesn’t need to work hard on this case—all she needs to do in court is say that I’m the abuser." These behaviors are deeply concerning, especially since we have two children involved. Due to her refusal to seek mental health services and her erratic behavior, I've requested 100% custody of the children.

Keep those messages and when it happens and has a material impact on your case, present them clearly and without interpretation. On date X, at time Y the other party sent me this message claiming the following and then direct quote it. Let their words tell the judge they are playing games. Don't engage unless there is a motion. Just hold it all to your chest. Stop communicating about everything and anything and only that of financial settlement and if there are kids custody and residence schedule of the children.

I don’t want to reveal all of my evidence before the trial, but I’m considering filing a motion to present some of it to the court to demonstrate the seriousness of her behavior. Would this be advisable? I’m looking for any insight on how to proceed, as the situation is becoming increasingly draining.

You won't be going to trial any time soon. Especially if there are no children involved. You will be pushed to conference after conference so matters can be settled. Children are the priority of the court system. As you haven't said if there are children involved... You will be last on the list for anything.

Also based on this can I request early trail ? I dont foresee problems at trail when I hire a lawyer because under stress she will either have memory loss or will be emotionally dysregulated and not make any sense.

You can ask. But, it won't happen. Trials are rare in family law disputes. Majority of matters settle before trial.

[donaldD]

Her mental health, nor reason, nor blame is a reason for a trial. What is that reason?

You don't know what the mental state of your ex is. A far simpler explanation is that they are someone that wants to argue with you, harm you, get sympathy and mess with you head.
Don't try to figure it out because there is only a downside to that, enjoy life.
Record it. Ignore it.