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Quick but incredibly important question

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  • Quick but incredibly important question

    Brief update / info:

    D19 off to University D16 living with mom...kinda...boyfriend and all. Importantly, Our relationships are incredibly secure.

    In any case, whirlwind of changes as it comes to the OP. At least one daughter made very clear her discontent with years of effort on OPs part to alienate her. I strongly suspect same happened with the other. My younger forwarded me six months of texts where OP stated outright that she did not want our daughter staying with me, and regularly (weekly if not more), ask our daughter to request funds from me for one reason or another, and then forward them on to OP.

    I presented a portion of these (with my daughter's permission) to OP.

    During this time, I had been attempting to update our CS and Section 7 on consent. OP was dragging her heels and was stating that she would not have any funds to put forward to our older's University.

    Faced with the evidence of alienation and having nothing to offer for our daughter's university, OP agreed to withdrawing from the FRO to handle CS between ourselves.

    I'm willing to do 8 and 4 (eight months CS for one daughter and 4 months for both when older is home for school).

    I am fine doing this according to the table amounts. I am wondering, however, if, given that OP isn't putting anything towards University, if that could/should be leveraged against the CS. My thought is that it makes it 'messy', but just wondering if there is a standard approach in this type of situation.

    And yes, I've most certainly researched. We still have an order in place, but there is no appetite for court (thankfully), so this would all just be informal between the two of us. This brings it somewhat into the 'as you please' realm, but just wondering if anyone has any stellar examples of how to proceed.

    Thank you all in advance,

  • #2
    First off, it doesn't matter is ex has nothing to contribute, they are still obligated to provide their share of expenses. If it was the other way around, do you think you would get away with it?

    In this case, kid has to pick up the slack.

    As for support, what you said is right—if kid is away, cs is four months for the summer.

    It's great that they have agreed to withdraw from FRO but the money is still the same alienation or not. Kid's share and then the rest split proportionate to income. You pay your share. If ex has no money, kid has to pick up the rest. Or you pay and you get nothing.

    You could always tell the ex that—you are reducing cs to pay their share of expenses. Pitch it to them an see what the answer is.


    • #3
      Hi there,

      I just went through this and hopefully wrapping things up, got the endorsement and awaiting the order and hopefully costs. In my case, the EX refused to withdraw from FRO and I essentially continues to be offset support (high income differential) and 100% of post-secondary. The judge didn't seem to take issue with this, for which I'm baffled. My child is now in 3rd year university and I continue to pay FRO monthly and looking at a very challenging time to recover the overpayments. While I know the alienation is not good, im not sure anything would be done about it (at least in my experience, a lot of extremely egregious behaviour was completely overlooked)

      My 2 cents is to keep Child Support and S.7 Expenses separate. Document everything! Post-secondary expenses are non-discretionary and I do not believe that the mother will be able to claim undue hardship, she has a responsibility to pay her proportionate portion. You could attempt to offset it, but my concern there is that it will muddy the waters and make it difficult to recover later.

      Good luck to your daughter, I sincerely hope she does well and is able to become independent. Feel free to PM me is you want more detailed or direct experience.​


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