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Forcing a shared custody situation

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  • Forcing a shared custody situation

    My 15 year old son has shared that switching homes midweek is annoying and he doesn't want to do it. We're currently on a 4-3-3-4, 50/50 split, switching on Wednesdays with Wednesday, Thursday, Friday nights always being mine. My ex's house is a 10 minute walk to his school. My house is a 35 minute walk, but I almost always drop off in the morning and will pick up after-school if the weather is bad.

    I have asked my ex for a different schedule, alternating weeks one week on, one week off, switching on Fridays, but that request was rejected. He says he can't do it because of work.

    So for the last few weeks, my older son has not been sleeping here Wednesday and Thursday night. He comes over after school, we have dinner and hang out, but at some point in the evening he's off to my ex's to sleep. I hate it and I want my time back.

    Any thoughts on whether this is worth fighting for, or is it a losing battle?


  • #2
    He's pretty much making the choice at this age, even if you went to your ex about it and they agreed to the changes, getting him to do it is a different story. You have an arrangement he is already not keeping to, if you change the arrangement, what makes you think he will stick to the new one?

    Talk to him and find out what he wants, and try to work with that.

    Alternatively, you could move closer to where his school, work, friends and activities are so it's easier for him.


    • #3
      My son is happy to go alternate weeks, his issue is the midweek switch. I've asked him to tell me the truth as I don't want to force him into anything. He knows I won't get angry, I just need to know.

      His friends are an equal distance from either house. If anything, they're slightly closer to mine as I stayed in our old neighborhood. My ex moved to a different elementary school catchment area. I stayed here so that they wouldn't have to move schools once we split, so all his friends are in my neighborhood. I will move if that's the only solution.

      Thanks for your time.


      • #4
        You could try talking to the ex about switching to a more age appropriate schedule, the one you have currently is a better set up for young kids. If he's happy with alternate weeks, go with that. He cam also tell his mom that's what he wants to do. It seems that he comes and goes as he wants now, so he could do the same on alternate weeks.

        She seems to be OK with him not following the current schedule and deciding where he wants to be and when so let him do that on a week on, week off basis.


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