Communication with 6 year old

[Donald Duck]

Good morning all,

I have the child EOW and also a midweek visit.

The childs' mom has virtually made it impossible for the child to contact me and also for me to contact him although we do have an order for same.

We are in court next month again and I would like to get an order for a scheduled daily call ( current order does not state that ) and also for some sort of communication via his ipad either video calls or texta or audio calls.

Any thoughts or ideas would be very appreciated as to what the courts opinion is on this issue re communication.

Thanks in advance

[rockscan]

Daily calls is excessive. Weekly is more reasonable. If you had week about you wouldnt speak to them other than on your days.

[iona6656]

I disagree with both the previous posters. I think 6 is old enough to have a daily call with the other parent on off days. My ex never checks with our daughter- BUT sometimes she wants to tell him something- and we have a standing 7:30 facetime check in for her. It used to be once in a blue moon she'd want to do call him. But now at 6 years old- it's pretty regular. And I have to ask for the call when she's at her dads- but he accommodates and our calls are always about 2-3 minutes tops. Hers with him are about the same. I think it's great- I notice she feels more connected to him. So if she tells me something fun or exciting that happens at school that day- she'll ask "can I tell dada?". I think it's great....that being said- it took a WHILE to get there. Like 2-3 years.

[Donald Duck]

Thank you for the comments.

I am headed to a trial at one poi t to get a week about schedule.

As of now the child is with me for 15% of the time.

Is it not in tne childs interest to speak with his father ( which he wants to do very much) daily after school for a few minutes and also to lay the groundwork now rather than when he is older.

I will be successful at trial with this concern if it goes to trial for this issue along with the other issues.

[Donald Duck]

Hey Brampton thanks for your answer but in order for me to understand where you are coming from, respectfully how is a daily call excessive vis a vis in the childs interests to speak with his dad for a few minutes after school?

Also when you say that his mom should be permitted time with the child, she hashim for 85% of the hours.

I think a comment like excessive in regards to a two minute call would be excessive from the parent with the child for 85% of the time, no ?

[rockscan]

OP you asked this question before and Tayken had a very good answer about five days. You can ask for a lot of things in your order but they don't always happen. Your ex has demonstrated a pattern of dictating to you and expecting you to take it. You need to pick your battles. Fighting with her on a daily call is a waste of energy. It's also a waste of paper for an order that won't be followed. Not to mention you have given her ammo on how to piss you off.

[iona6656]

You and your ex are separated/divored. It is anticipated that you move on with each of your lives independently. That means your ex is supposed to be able to enjoy her parenting time and do as she pleases with child, without constantly having to break up her day or pause her activities with child to accommodate you. Imagine constantly having to make yourself available, each day, at a certain time to accommodate your ex. This would mean that your ex cannot enjoy going to movies with kid, or concert, or show, or camping, or whatever, without constantly looking at her watch to make sure to take a break from the activity to facilitate a call with you.

As Bogdan said, having this in your court order will be unenforceable if its high conflict. It would actually cause grief between you and your ex, because it will constantly be "sorry, we were busy doing X and could not make ourselves available". When its a high conflict case, it won't work. If its amicable, it can work. If it works for Iona, than great. Both parties have to be willing (which Iona is) to make this work.

I'm sorry- this sounds ridiculous. You're not structuring your day around a phone call to the other parent and their phone call. It's handing your kid your cell phone for 2-5 minutes so they can say hi to their other parent. In what world is it weird or excessive to say "Hi" to your kid once a day?

And it's understandable if you're on vacation or even on the weekends so that you're not worrying about making sure your kid calls their parent. But I don't think it's excessive to have a kid have an open line of communication with both parents. Also - my ex grumbled like hell at me putting in that clause and his lawyer even said "Well- if she's *SoOOoo* afraid of him, why would she want to call him every day?"....and for a while he wouldn't respond to my texts requesting my check in with her when she was at his place (only if she was doing overnights)....until I messaged both him and his sister and said I would conduct a wellness check in if he didn't let me speak with her. [this was early in the process- I was nervous. But also- you know- death threats against a toddler].

Anyhoo- my point is that I think it's worth fighting for. I do think it's a hill to die on. Even if you're high conflict. Keeping communication open to BOTH parents for the kid. My one caveat is if you know that your ex is going to take it out on the kid and they're too young to understand it. Then it's not worth bringing extra animosity into the kids' lives if you have a fairly regular schedule where you're seeing the kid(s) every couple of days.

[StillPaying]

I agree with Iona here. This is pretty standard.

You wouldn't start an application over this, but it is usually ordered early on at a conference; whether for a specific time or simply 'before bed'.
While it may be unenforceable, you'll still see the case management judge, motions and trial where ignoring the order would be taken into account.
No paper wasted on this.

[Donald Duck]

Dealt with very similar issue with same age for kids. I did actually end up with an order to allow for daily calls at a given time. EOD -- it was a complete waste of time and completely un-enforceable. If the mom doesn't want you taking to your kids (likely since she's offloading the kids on her parents and not actually with them) then she won't picking up the phone and the court won't do anything about it. On the flip side, it works both ways ....

Hey Bogdan, thank you for your answers.

So, my concern is not today as much as as the years go by, this is why these orders are essential to me as her faileded attempts at parential alienation never end.

Even at the start of the school year and with my order to pick up the child on specific days at school she still told me that unless I meet her at the school ( which I did not) the school has been instructed to call the Police.

Even our son when he saw me started talking about Police, which is totally disgusting that she would tell him things like that.

My log of court ordered breaches is very extensive and while I agree with you about not being able to enforce it, along with everything else will paint a very specific picture to the trial Judge.

50/50 access, not one minute less is what I will obtain.

[Donald Duck]

OP you asked this question before and Tayken had a very good answer about five days. You can ask for a lot of things in your order but they don't always happen. Your ex has demonstrated a pattern of dictating to you and expecting you to take it. You need to pick your battles. Fighting with her on a daily call is a waste of energy. It's also a waste of paper for an order that won't be followed. Not to mention you have given her ammo on how to piss you off.

Rockstar, thank you as always!

Tayken gave me a great answer but in this specific circumstance with a six year old child and her failed attempted alienations over six years, it is essential that the child has contact with me and absolutely 100% I would be successful on trial with this point.

I completely agree that now she knows what provokes me but thanks to all the incredible posters here, I cannot be provoked at all.

The child has a right to speak with me daily and she has an obligation to encourage contact rather than abusing him, physically and mentally and I have tremendous evidence on same.

Could he not simnly have someapp on his ipad where he can reach me via text or a call and then his mom would obviously be able to monitor his usage on the device?

Btw, anything that I ask gor I want to beboth ways and I always encourage him to call her if he wants and I message her mom before every weekend to contact him if she wants.

[Donald Duck]

You and your ex are separated/divored. It is anticipated that you move on with each of your lives independently. That means your ex is supposed to be able to enjoy her parenting time and do as she pleases with child, without constantly having to break up her day or pause her activities with child to accommodate you. Imagine constantly having to make yourself available, each day, at a certain time to accommodate your ex. This would mean that your ex cannot enjoy going to movies with kid, or concert, or show, or camping, or whatever, without constantly looking at her watch to make sure to take a break from the activity to facilitate a call with you.

As Bogdan said, having this in your court order will be unenforceable if its high conflict. It would actually cause grief between you and your ex, because it will constantly be "sorry, we were busy doing X and could not make ourselves available". When its a high conflict case, it won't work. If its amicable, it can work. If it works for Iona, than great. Both parties have to be willing (which Iona is) to make this work.

Brampton, as always I very much appreciateyour invaluable points, thank you!

I would love if she did participate in camping, movies, concerts and shows although in reality she drops the kid at dozens of places where the child sleeps in the same bed with adults, teenagers, and other children and she leaves him for days on end.

This is not the issue that you imply that I do not want him to enjoy those beautiful things that you speak about but is the issue of an addict leaving the kid wherever simply to chase her addiction and the exact reason why she refuses contact.

As well she refusesto give me more time and actually breaches the order every single time to limit my time with the child.

As for the constant of "high conflict" I simply refuse to play by the rules of the silver bullet strategstrs she creates ALL of the conflict and then stands in court to speak of high conflict.

She is not free at all during her parenting time to put the child in dangerous situations over and over.

[Donald Duck]

I'm sorry- this sounds ridiculous. You're not structuring your day around a phone call to the other parent and their phone call. It's handing your kid your cell phone for 2-5 minutes so they can say hi to their other parent. In what world is it weird or excessive to say "Hi" to your kid once a day?

And it's understandable if you're on vacation or even on the weekends so that you're not worrying about making sure your kid calls their parent. But I don't think it's excessive to have a kid have an open line of communication with both parents. Also - my ex grumbled like hell at me putting in that clause and his lawyer even said "Well- if she's *SoOOoo* afraid of him, why would she want to call him every day?"....and for a while he wouldn't respond to my texts requesting my check in with her when she was at his place (only if she was doing overnights)....until I messaged both him and his sister and said I would conduct a wellness check in if he didn't let me speak with her. [this was early in the process- I was nervous. But also- you know- death threats against a toddler].

Anyhoo- my point is that I think it's worth fighting for. I do think it's a hill to die on. Even if you're high conflict. Keeping communication open to BOTH parents for the kid. My one caveat is if you know that your ex is going to take it out on the kid and they're too young to understand it. Then it's not worth bringing extra animosity into the kids' lives if you have a fairly regular schedule where you're seeing the kid(s) every couple of days.

Yes she will and has and continues to take it out on our son which is horrifying and must be dealt with accordingly in court.

I will not die on the proverbial hill but fight for my son at the bottom of the hill.

If someone is being abused, I cannot stand by and watch, there is no other battle than this

Thank you very much Iona!

[Donald Duck]

I agree with Iona here. This is pretty standard.

You wouldn't start an application over this, but it is usually ordered early on at a conference; whether for a specific time or simply 'before bed'.
While it may be unenforceable, you'll still see the case management judge, motions and trial where ignoring the order would be taken into account.
No paper wasted on this.

Totally agreed and thank you Stillpaying.

I would be willing to use the paper from every tree on the planet to save this child.

That being said, we are headed towards a trial and in November I am 100% confident that The Honourable Justice will not be very happy in regards to her blatant refusal to follow any of the 13 orders we currently have.

My goal is a comprehensive court order to limit any conflict at alland she can continue to refuseall the ordtrs and see how that game plays out.

[rockscan]

Facebook has a kids messenger that is managed through an adults account. It's how I talk to my nephews and my sister gets a notification when someone calls them.

If the abuse is that serious why on earth does she still have full custody?

[Donald Duck]

Facebook has a kids messenger that is managed through an adults account. It's how I talk to my nephews and my sister gets a notification when someone calls them.

If the abuse is that serious why on earth does she still have full custody?

Great re FB thank you!

I am going to ask her lawyer but worse case I will ask the Judge next month.

That is the $64,000 question.

I called CAS for everything for 4 years now and nothing every happens.

As an example CAS recently cautioned her for hitting him with a belt.

Also awaiting documents from the Police that the Judge ordered on consent.