Case Conference June 8th CS/SS/Section 7 and Mobility

[today]

"Distance and time away make relationships fade, it's just a fact of life."

This is so true. Some thing for eveyone to consider in those tough decision making times.

[PhoenixRising]

I can agree with you on the fact that a child needs both parents and a child needs both parents to be able to provide for them. However, simple economics is of great concern in this situation.

Do we not have enough children living in poverty in this country? I have grave concern for those who think that a family of 5 can sustain themselves on $30,000 dollars a year. He continues to accrue debt as do I at an enormous rate. When we fall short of the family needs we accrue more debt in order to provide for basic needs. How much longer is a person to continue to do this? This was one of the largest underlying causes of our relationship break-down. I spent the entire time looking for full-time work in my field of education.

The fact of the matter is that where we live it happens to be the black hole of the country. Thousands of people have been laid off here and the hinterlands are teetering on collapse.

No one here thinks of me when they post. Always blame the person requesting the relocation because to some it is morally wrong. Well 100 and some odd years ago it was NOT morally wrong for a windowed male to remarry a wife within months of another wife's death. It was survival. He needed someone to care for the children. Today that would be extremely frowned upon.

Do people not think that I may be alone and afraid and not know anyone in the new location? But I will deal with it because I have to. Where we live it has been my home all my life and will always be my home. Do you not think that I have not tried to figure out any other way?

If someone knows by all means point me in the right direction! I have even gone so far as contemplating standing on the main thoroughfair with a sign, "desperately seeking full-time employment to provide for my family." I refrain from doing so because do not wish to embarrass my children, family, friends, and myself.

Currently I am caught between the cross hairs of societies rules. Only if I am an EI recipient do I qualify for any additional training or training allowances. If I quit my part-time job I am EI ineligible so that does not work. Social housing is out since in this province it is only available to specified units none of which exist at this time. There are no subsidized daycare spots available to help low income families in this area and the ex is refusing to pay. And to top it all off I am homeless in a month and a half.

If you could only walk in my shoes you would see that this is the only option at this time. For all of us, child, mom and dad.

[got2bkid]

Well you have obviously thought about it alot and have some very valid points.

My perspective is different, as my husbands ex-wife moved clear accross the country for no good reason. She even quit a good job and didn't work full time for 7 years or so (I've lost track of the #....). I have seen how damaging this is to my husband and how the relationship with his kids has suffered even though he tries his best to still be there for them..........he is not.

I am also very resentful that she complains constantly to her ex how hard it is to be a single mom. I have no doubt it is hard for her, she has no family to support her, and it took her years to even make 1 friend. But complaing to my husband about this is like stabbing him in the heart - she didn't HAVE to be a single mom, it was her CHOICE. She could have stayed where we all live, and could have given him 50% custody. That way, she'd have support (him and more family), she'd have more time to work, more flexibility, the costs of having the kids would be 50% lower, there's more free time and best of all, the kids would grow up with mom and dad in their lives.

I just caution you the grass is not always greener, and there will be a lot of downsides to moving so far away, without support from the dad or family. I would suggest to think about 50/50 custody with the father. If this doesn't work for you, for whatever reason, then you have probably made the best decision in your situation. I just wanted to throw it out there for you to consider (if you haven't already).

[PhoenixRising]

Update:

King Solomon was a very wise man. He recognized that only the true mother would sacrifice all in order for her child to live. It was only then that he knew who the true mother of the child was. She was the one who truly loved the child.

I will always be our son's mother nothing in the world can change that. I only hope that at his tender age I have been able to teach him enough to carry on without my continuous presence in his life. But more importantly he needs to have a mother who is able to provide for him emotionally, physically, and financially. And more importantly a mother who will be there for him in the future,happy, healthy and void of the constant stress that currently resides in her life due to lack of financial resources. I cannot continue this way he deserves much better than this. It is like I am perpetually standing still.

As I explained before the economic outlook in this community is very bleak and all efforts thus far have not been fruitful. It hope dashed by an unanswered job application or another rejection. The fact is that I will be homeless at the end of August. But that is not the point of this post.

He does not want me to relocate and break up the family. We are not a family as the family already broke up.

If he wants to be the primary parent (because he will not allow me to move with our son for a better life). Work full-time Monday - Friday. Have his elderly mother care for him from 8am to 5:30pm. Satisfy his own need for childcare on his free time. As he will be seeking female companionship. Plus deal with his ex wife and a visitation schedule with his other child.

It is therefore in our son best interest that I move forward with my life, one I hope that we have many more years together. I have no choice but to relocate on my own. One day our son will come to me as all children do. I will know that I and I alone will be the one that he misses. I know this from my own experience and the experience of my daughter.

Sometimes a parent will sacrifice everything, but in the end they grow and mature and they eventually will leave us as all children do.

I will always love you my son. This is for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6pphVs8bF0

[aikido10]

Phoenix Rising.

I noticed that you feel alone in getting those to understand your perspective.

There are many viewpoints being posted here from different lenses shaped by each individuals personal biases, experiences, values and belief system. The problem with forums interaction is that there is no context or tone or limited info to respond to. It's prone to misinterpretation or misunderstanding.

Only You know what's best for you and your personal situation. Just be open to other's feedback whether you agree or not and decide what works for you.

I wish you well.