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  • mobility extreme case

    Hi there,

    My first post and this is a doozy. I was with my partner for 9 yrs...common law for 4 with 2 children. We split Dec 1st '08. I'm currently living at my mother's as our house has gone into foreclosure because he refused to pay any bills since we split and he was the breadwinner making 10 000 a month working 3 provinces away. I had filed an affidavit requesting to move with my children for school purposes. Now he has moved back and is now father of the year even though he was gone up to 6 wks on end and only home for less than 2 wks. A member of his family tried to hurt me which this is all criminal and going to trial. Since these are all crazy circurcumstances shouldn't I be allowed to leave with my children? I would have been able to move had he continued to work out of town, but he didn't want to have to pay the $1300 a month in support for the children. I have had agencies like Women Crisis write letters for my case advising that I should be allowed to leave...that staying in a small town I will be forced to continue to work on minimum wage, when all I've wanted was to pursue an undergrad that just isn't offered near here. I';m not trying to cut off his access and have even told him that there is work where I want to move...I have offered to waive spousal and reduce child support..still he refuses...He has controlled me for 9 years...and of course is still controlling me even though we are no longuer together.. I just want a new start for my children and I. They are 4 and 2 my son has not started school yet...I have a strong family support where I want to move and have everything planned if I'm allowed...any advise on what else I can prove to the judge that it is in their best interest to leave?

  • #2
    Gather all the evidence that you can with tregard to the abuse. present this to lawyers courts CAS or the OCL. Thru a lawyer you can have alot of this started for you. If money is an issue there is legal aid that you can turn to. They also have resourses available when it comes to issues of abuse.

    It appears thathe is the one who temporarily left the situation? If I am correct in that it means you have defacto custody. (they will remain with you until something changes that.) Having said that you do have rights still at this point. Under our constituion no one can restrict you.(unless given reason (if you were a threat of abducting the kids) You clearly are not. I just bring all this up as it was made an issue by my ex. I moved out of the house to get away from his abuse and in turn he accused me of abducting our child. I moved 10 blocks away to my parents home. But to make a complicated story short he got a temporary order to keep me there. A year later I got a final order that this condition was not in there and I was allowed to move on.

    What ever you do DO NOT RUN. make sure you are safe for now and go thru the court and get Primary residence with you for the kids. In this you are not cutting off either the kids or him. But you do have a right to escape the abuse and so do your kids. Having said that going the legal route right away will shorten the process and alot less headaches in the end. Bring up the history and the life that you will be going on to. And then like myself you willbe granted your right to go. But the issues must be raised first.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by AtALoss View Post
      Gather all the evidence that you can with tregard to the abuse. present this to lawyers courts CAS or the OCL. Thru a lawyer you can have alot of this started for you. If money is an issue there is legal aid that you can turn to. They also have resourses available when it comes to issues of abuse...
      AtALoss, I think you misread, or injected, a few things here...

      HE is not an absuser, a relative of his is - he is not responsible for that.

      CBella said that when she wanted to leave town he came home right away and is now 'father of the year', which she meant sarcastically, but only in that he is now suddenly doing more than before (when he was working very hard away from home for his family - 3 jobs!!). I think she is calling him a competent parent.

      Originally posted by AtALoss View Post
      ...It appears thathe is the one who temporarily left the situation? ...
      He didn't leave - he was WORKING away from home - big difference.

      Originally posted by AtALoss View Post
      ...But you do have a right to escape the abuse and so do your kids...
      Again, she did not mention any abuse. CBella did say 'controlling', which is a pretty common cry for most women (some deserved, some not as is quite easily shown in this forum) and given the context of her message she did not provide any evidence of abuse.

      CBella, you want to be separate from you spouse, you may not get along, but you have to decide the future of the raising of your child that respects the fathers rights to be treated as an equal in this matter. That does not mean that he can force you to stay, but also you cannot independently make the decisions, you should respect each other's rights as parents and make decisions together. You may have been the main care giver, but that was before, now things have changed, and thay may too.

      Only after you cannot both compromise to reach an agreement should you attempt to get the courts involved to force a reasonable situation.
      Last edited by billm; 05-10-2009, 05:36 PM.

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      • #4
        i am thinking that you can offer to waive the SS but the child support is a totally different thing.

        Where do you live now vs where you want to go. The way I read it you are living at your mothers in the same town so it would mean moving away from her also? Okay I can understand that he worked out of town alot to bring home the bacon to support you and the kids but now he is sticking around to be in his kids life? Sure it may be money related but it may also be that he actually wants to be with his kids.

        I know you want to start a new life for yourself and the kids but he has to be allowed to be a part of the kids lives. Is there anyway you can do courses online or through correspondence for the education you want?

        As for the crazy relative of his, he has no control over what his family member did to you. That cannot be held or used against him.

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        • #5
          No he did not physically abuse me. He was verbally abusive throughtout our 9 year relationship..I just never thought life without him would be a life. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to cut him out or anything..He has always known I wanted a future in law and has always blocked this move. Now that we are no longuer together the nearest law school is 8 hrs away. Which is where I have a strong family support.

          As a father he would come home couldn't handle them and leave because of the stress to go and smoke a joint. At our last case conference he asked for a hair follicle test I was more than willing to provide a sample..but he backed down..They and I mean he and his family have lied again and again in their affidavits..I have proof just the court process takes time to show this evidence. Yes a family member of his did wrong..I'm not sure as to his involvement as of yet I can't talk about it as it is still being investigated. He loved money too much to quit that job..the reason he moved back was to prevent my move..he even said so. My son has more attention to my daughter. She has come back with rashes and not not dressed properly in turn getting sick. He does not know how to care for them. I've told him about parenting classes. He gets his advise else where.

          I just feel that though I didn't do anything I'm the one living like a prisoner..throughout our relationship I was not "allowed" to buy many things for myself even though he spent hundreds on weed and other things fom what I hear at the end..as I no longuer knew him anymore..He has a past history of weed and cocaine addiction..I have tried to help him again and again especially when we had children.

          I went into one program becuse he pushed me to do it even though I didn't want to...his family tells him what he should do...and that's how we lived based on what another person thought...My son had an accident and he couldn't handle it he told me to fning change it leaving my son screaming for him .

          He did call CAS on me they have completed their investigation and deemed that I'm obviously not a threat. I'm waiting for the OCL to get involved because there are many issues with the children since the court order was lifted against himm (he was stalking me at the time) the children come home (4 and 2 year old) saying bad things about my family and myself. I've enrolled in parenting classes...but really I've been so afraid to leave my house...this person who tried to urt me has been granted access to my children!!Now all that stands in this person's way is a family order...How can I keep my children safe? Since there was no threat towards the children the access has been granted...I just want to make us safe and start a new life for us...I have been studying cases to prepare myself for a no...But I can't take a no it's not an option...

          Comment

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