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**kids1st** · 05-06-2009, 12:33 PM

1. What are my options here?

Looks like to me you have not exhausted all means to work out the marriage. Have you considered counselling? If you can work out a separation agreement with her (you can live in the same apartment but separately). After one year you can apply for divorce. If you want her to leave, you would have to go to court (Not recommended!) and ask for exclusive possession.

2. Will I have to pay spouse support, even thou I paid for her education?

Most likely, yes.

3. Can I stay in my condo after i file for divorce? If I have to move out, will I continue to pay for mortgage and condo maintenance?

Already addressed in #1. Do not move out unless you have a court order or separation agreement in place.

4. I have 1 car - who takes that, I is mine long before marriage?

I think you would be able to keep the car but the value will be taken into account for equalization purposes.

5. How much time it will take - looks like she is will not sign the documents?

You have to live apart for one year before filing for divorce unless there is abuse or adulty involved. If you go through court, you are in for a long haul. But if you could work things out out of court you could save each other a lots of time, money and heartaches.

6. How much time, if she signs documents?

In all cases, one year has to pass before the divorce is granted under normal circumstances.

7. Do we need to stay separate, if so how long?

One year for the purpose of divorce. However, you can settle everything else whenever you want (if both cooperating)

8. I know there is lot of things to look into but anything particular I need to worry about.

Since she is not working and might not find the job right away after school and has been totally dependent on you so far, chances are you will have to pay her spousal support until she is able to manage on her own (rules for spousal support are very flexible). You also need to keep in mind that she is entitled to 1/2 of your networth increase during the course of marriage. It is good idea to see a lawyer to find out your options.

**doingmybest** · 05-06-2009, 08:29 PM

If you make less than $50 000 you can go to the court house and ask the court lawyer to help you with your questions (at least in Ontario where I am, you can do this). They will give you the correct forms, and advise you.

My ex used this.....I made too much, so I had a lawyer. But you really need to get advise and the correct papers.

My ex asked for spousal support: I had paid his education and he had a job but got fired. At first, I was going to have to pay support...but only for half of the time we were married. So 3 years of the 6....in your case: if you were married 3-4 years, you might only have to pay 2 years or so of support.

However, when the judge met my ex...she laughed at his request, said he was young and should get a job, maybe you'll get a judge like that.

As for the condo. If it is yours, you should stay.
As for the car and whatever you had prior to marriage, she cannot take any of that. It is yours too. The only things that come into play for equalization are things that you got while together. You will have to prove you had purchased the car and anything else you want excluded prior to the marriage date.
You only have to split what you accumulated together during the marriage.
Watch out for any pensions you have....they can be included for the period of the marriage.

I would try counselling too first though. Maybe you just hit a rough patch and can work things through?

Good luck

**billm** · 05-06-2009, 09:55 PM

Originally posted by doingmybest View Post

...
You only have to split what you accumulated together during the marriage.
...

EXCEPT for the matrimonial home (the condo), that equity is split 50/50. It does not matter what it was worth when you married, it is equally now hers - she gets half of its equity (its value minus the mortgage).

**kids1st** · 05-07-2009, 12:31 PM

My ex asked for spousal support: I had paid his education and he had a job but got fired. At first, I was going to have to pay support...but only for half of the time we were married. So 3 years of the 6....in your case: if you were married 3-4 years, you might only have to pay 2 years or so of support.

However, when the judge met my ex...she laughed at his request, said he was young and should get a job, maybe you'll get a judge like that.

Rule are applied differently when support seeker is female. In my opinion fregs' wife can easily get support by using "new in country" and "can't get a job without experience" cards.

You're better off paying her some support voluntarily than going to the courts over this issue. Support is tax deductible item but legal fees to defend support claim are not. Do the math yourself and see what's better for you.

I'd see a lawyer about matrimonial home because I don't think she should get 1/2 of it since its really a very short marriage.

**fregs** · 05-07-2009, 01:34 PM

Thanks

Thanks a lot for feedback...
I will follow up shortly....

**fregs** · 05-09-2009, 11:11 AM

Immigration

I found out that as per immigration laws - you have support your spouse for 3 years... that's what you sign for...
so I guess I will have to pay spousal support for 3 years anyways - if she does not find a job soon..

**AtALoss** · 05-09-2009, 11:36 AM

I have to agree with kids1st, I dont feel you should jump to separating too quickly. Despite yours being an arranged marriage I am sure there must have been some affection between you and your wife. All too often we get caught up in our lives trying to manage day to day and start to "drift apart" All marriages go through ups and downs and the keey to surviving those time is are the both of you still some where committed enough to doing what it takes to get through. I think this is a time that you and your wife need to look back to your begining and see if there was something there that can be salvaged. Ask yourselves alot of questions try to communicate again (leave anger and frustration out of it if you can.) Talk some and see if counselling may be an option. Through counselling you both will begin to see the others point of view and hopefully can come to some compormises and begin to connect again.
When we all get into a marriage we all have expectations some times the fall short some times they are exceeded. unfortunately sometimes there are hard feelings but we have to give sometimes too.

I hope that you both will give this some thought. Problems can be over come if you are willing to work at it.

**singledad99** · 05-09-2009, 12:29 PM

Totally agree with AtALoss, you need to try one more time. To me marriage is workable unless there has been a physical or emotional betrayal. You also have to keep in mind that in your situation your wife was probably expecting a lot more support from you since she left her home country for you. While to you things were as per usual she was struggling with language, culture and a whole different style of living and that was on top of regular challenges that come with new marriages.

**fregs** · 05-13-2009, 12:10 PM

thanks

HI guys
Thanks a lot for the moral support... I think I am trying hard to see how it ends... I am giving myself myself couple of months to see if I can make it work...
Will keep you posted... If the legal process starts... but will not mind... any ideas and thoughts...

**AtALoss** · 05-13-2009, 02:42 PM

There is nothing wrong with looking at things sometimes we do have to plan ahead. Also a good idea to educate ourseves on what to expect. So do by all means ask alot of questions.

For both of you thee have been and are many adjustments new country faces and each other, even just being married whether arranged or not. What will make you both individually and as a couple strong is how you get through the "storms" and we all have them. I was married 17 years before separating and even after that time there were changes that we had to go through in our lives. Unfortunately there were things that we couldn't get past. But counselling can be good. Try not to talk with both of your families regarding your issues in your marriage. Your respective parents love you both and it is hard for them not to separate those feelings and be neutral in their help. It would be better to seek advice outside of. maybe through your religious leader or another person of your faith. Ask a lawyers office, secretary if they know of any agencies that offer marriage counselling. They will have lots of names for you. keeping this away from the family is best as also gives you both a way to talk to someone who will not judge or side with one or the other. As well as the privacy and comfort you will need to speak freely.
I do wish the best for both of you. do keep us posted and ask lots of questions. While this site says its divorce nobody really wants to see this happen especially those of us who have been there.

**fregs** · 06-30-2009, 09:38 AM

Not Working

Hi,
Thanks for everyones time... to write your suggestions.. looks like I am ready to get out this relationship.. I am trying hard to get it on track but looks like I am losing patience and hope... so .. now the questions..

1. How should I proceed with the divorce... (i think i have made up my mind to share $ from condo sale, if she lets me sell it..)

2. Please advise me what all can go wrong so I am prepared for the worst.. I am and have been paying mortgage and maintenance fees... (i am ready to walk out of the condo, anytime.. i am so fed up)... I am just curious .. how it will all work..

3. I don't think she will be ready for separation agreement.. so the only option i see is serving a notice... but after i serve her the notice.. i do not want to stay with her at same place.. as I am afraid that she may call cops on me.. for no reason....

4. I want to end this whole drama.. as it is starting to take its toll on me ..

Thanks in advance...

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