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Not sure of my rights as a mother

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  • Not sure of my rights as a mother

    Hi there,

    I am caught in a situation that I am not sure how to go forward. I separated from my ex about 4 years ago and together, we had 2 boys. I left him for emotional and mental abuse on both me and my boys. Since then, I have moved on, am now engaged to another man who I had another boy with and have together also became foster parents. My ex also moved on and is now living with someone is a "child trama councillor" and a yoga instructor.

    At first, my ex was very controlling on my boys where they didn't want to have their alternative weekend visits with him. They would complain to me about the amount of fighting they were having with their dad and the rules were too strict. I spoke to my ex about my concerns immediately. He tried working on this and things seemed to have gotten better. Then just recently (about 4 months now), I started getting concerned that he is manipulating my boys. My oldest would tell me that he would try to get them to tell him that I am mistreating them and would have long sit down sessions with them where he would get them to tell him anything they may not like about my house. Then I started hearing that he was telling them that they can live with him and have them keeping secrets from me. My boys are very happy boys but whenever he calls, they get depressed and start telling me they aren't happy here, each time we would all sit down as a family and try to address their concerns.

    Just yesterday, I got a call from the children's aids saying there were serious accusations against me and my boyfriend and they were concerned my boys were not safe in our home. They came over and we took our time going through how we operate, discipline and give out chores. By the time they left my house, they were appologizing to me for ever putting us through this, giving us both hugs and letting us know that the case will be closed. At this point from going through the process of becoming foster parents and now this, I have had three child youth workers from two different agencies come to my house to evaluate both me and my boyfriends as suitable parents.

    At this point, I am furious and scared of what he is doing to my kids. When I spoke to him about this, he told me that he has had my boys writting down all the things that they didn't like about my house, he has tape recorded them and had my oldest draw out a map of where he would go if he ran away from home. I feel awful but I went through my boys room today and found a copy of that map, a copy of our separation agreement, copies of mantras from the yoga studio that were meant for going through obstacles and a torn book that is my ex's girlfriend that had her personal notes in it of reminders, one of them was getting a copy of the kids birth certificate and SIN cards with government phone numbers beside it.

    I don't know what I should do with this. To me, this is his abusive side coming out, the same thing I left him for. I don't know if with this, the courts would give me sole custody where I can have more control over his visitations. I don't want my boys to go without their father, but they are hurting from this.

    I appreciate you listening to my story and would desperately appreciate your advise.

  • #2
    I fully understand all you have gone thru as I have been there too. It sure is not easy. But hang in there and be strong. As anyone here will tell you document anything and everything. You can also get reports from CAS but a laywer will get a more complete file than you will. Another avenue to consider is the OCL - Office of the Childres Lawyer. They are counselors that have dealt with this in determining custody disputes etc. They can only get involved under request of the court. So you have to have a Motion in to have them involved. They will interview everyone the children are involved with school etc to determine what is going on but they only are supposed to represent the child and what is best. they try to avoid getting caught up with Mom or Dad's stories. They may be of some help.
    Good Luck though, hope things will work out, as it is the kids who are caught in this kind of situation.


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