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  • My Story

    I just found this forum and it seems like a great resource. I need to tell my story as it has drained me of everything. This is the cole's notes version. Here goes.

    I got together with a woman who had two kids both from different dads (I know don't ask I was only a kid at the time). She wasn't able to support both children on her own so one was living with her and the other with her parents. I suggested to her that we move in together and to bring her son back under the same roof as his mom and sister. Thought it would be better for him and it turned out it was the best decision......for them maybe not for me. So life goes on, we get married, I hand my pay over to her for over 7 years. Dealing with her over the marriage left me scarred and totally exhausted emotionally and physically. She had (has) many issues from her past and I did everything to help her overcome them. Sent her back to school, let her stay at home and not work, supported the entire family as I thought that was the responsible thing to do. After years of abuse (emotionally and physically) I found out she was having an affair as well so I left the house and told her it was over. I had had it.

    We proceeded to go the mediation route rather than lawyers (I know I was so naive). I walked away with only a bag of clothes and signed the house and all the contents over to her (almost 10 years worth) because she didn't want to uproot the kids. Two days after I sign the house over, she puts it up for sale and moves 100KM away AND still expects me to see the kids on a weekly basis. I even took over a car in her name to help her out as she couldn't pay the monthly payment on her own. She was supposed to cover the outstanding debt on the house with the sale and did not (line of credit and rsp loan) so I'm stuck with those bills now. I pay full support for both kids and always have on time without going through FRO. Now the boy turned 18 in Nov. 2008 but since he had to go to school till June this year I continue to pay. I told her I am done in June and she says she wants payments until he is 19 or she is going to FRO. I have no control over his schooling or lack thereof so I said forget it. She said see you in court.

    Lawyers have told me I'm basically screwed because I was "acting in the place of a parent or in loco parentis" with the two fathers not being in contact with them. I love these kids and have no problem supporting them however I can't deal with this woman anymore. Looks like it might go to court. I have so many regrets and one of them was being naive and not going to a lawyer right away. But how can the law not help folks in my position as a step parent with a person who knows how to manipulate the law?

    There is so much more of the nightmare I have lived and continue to live and thanks for listensing. We'll see how it goes.

  • #2
    Many of the circustances you are going through are eerily similar to mine, so trust me - I totally sympathize. You are not alone!

    That said, my suggestion to you is to add the biological fathers as parties to your divorce and ask the courts to make them pay child support. I did this for my son's biological father and it's looking like he will have to pay full amounts for him and I will pay a percentage. You won't get off scott free as you did act in loco parentis, but you can have your payments reduced by quite a bit this way. Also, your ex will wind up getting more in total for child support, which may reduce the amount of spousal support she can go after you for (as it would reduce her need).

    The #1 piece of advice I can give you is to lawyer up. Even if it's just a few hours worth of work to advise you of your rights and get you started down the right road, it's 100% worth it. My #2 advice is to scour through these forums and ask questions to info you can't find. The people here are lifesavers.


    • #3
      Sorry. I say don't bother with a lawyer. Contact FLIC and seek advice with duty counsel if you can't afford a lawyer. Your local courthouse has duty counsel and these people offering advice are or were lawyers. The can even enter the courtroom with you.


      • #4
        Well, the point is make sure you get credible legal advice - from ANY source - as quickly as possible. There are a lot of mistakes you can make out of the gate and they will help you avoid them.


        • #5
          Unfortunately so far they have all said the same thing. Bend over. They recognize the law needs to be ratified for the current state of the family unit in our society. They just say it is going to take time and by the time something happens, my nightmare will be over.


          • #6
            Well there are a number of things you are probably screwed on, but I know for a fact you can bring in the bio dads and get some CS relief.

            What you need to do is identify each specific area you would ideally like to fix, then do the research and find out which are "winnable". Fight the ones you think you can win. At this point, ANY victory you can claw back from her will help you - financially and psychologically.


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