My choice not his

[witsend]

Hello .. I have not yet asked for a divorce but before I do, I want to be informed and educated as to what I'm getting into.
We've been married for 16 years. About 6 years ago I had to quit my job out of stress and exhaustion as I could not handle the workload of 11hour workdays(8+commute) plus child-raising, plus all home responsibilites including finances etc.. I mean everything. (he's old-country-european type.. yardwork is the only "man's job") .Plus, he travels a lot for his job and is often away for 4 days at a time, making the childcare even more difficult.. So I've given up my career and it's a field that is quite distinct and I can not easily just hop right back into the same thing. I've taken some courses and hope to be soon self-employed in another field, but do not anticipate making anywhere near the amount I'd need to support myself and 2 kids (10&14yrs). I figure I'd be lucky if I made 10 or $15k. On the other hand, his income is a little over $100k.
So, that being said, if I request a divorce, it would not be a mutual agreement. If I am the one requesting and he is protesting, would this affect spousal support? (ie why should he pay if he doesn't even want the divorce?) .. Also, are the kids' ages taken into consideration? (ie they don't need home-care.. but they do need to be driven to school etc)

[About_Time]

If you gave up your career and have been a stay-at-home mom for 6 years, then I can't imagine a situation under which you would be denied spousal.

Him not wanting the divorce will have no real bearing on this. If you want out of the marriage, there really isn't a whole lot he can do about it except stall the proceedings and be difficult, which he may very well do.

The kids ages probably won't play a huge role. Their needs will be addressed via child support. Spousal support is more about YOU. The idea is to compensate you for the years lost on your career, give you assistance to make yourself more self-sustaining and balance out the expendable incomes.

[witsend]

Thanks for reassuring me on that.. I was under the impression that if he didn't want the divorce I'd be out of ss.

Oh, one other question I forgot to ask .. when divorcing, we all know that all assets have to be disclosed. .. Ok so I do have an small bank account that he doesn't know about. Not a whole lot of money but still a little stash that would help if I need it someday. If I take it out now, maybe putting it in another family member's name for example, how long can they go back to see that it was there? How do the courts investigate that stuff and how long can they go back to see it?
Thanks in advance...

[witsend]

Oops Just realized I think I should've maybe posted under "Financial Issues" section. I'll keep it here anyway. ..

[standing on the sidelines]

Thanks for reassuring me on that.. I was under the impression that if he didn't want the divorce I'd be out of ss.

Oh, one other question I forgot to ask .. when divorcing, we all know that all assets have to be disclosed. .. Ok so I do have an small bank account that he doesn't know about. Not a whole lot of money but still a little stash that would help if I need it someday. If I take it out now, maybe putting it in another family member's name for example, how long can they go back to see that it was there? How do the courts investigate that stuff and how long can they go back to see it?
Thanks in advance...

I would not move the money because then that looks like you are dishonest and trying to hide stuff.

[thistoshallpass]

I understood financial disclosure to be, an assesment of your's and your ex's past 3 years tax returns. If he knows nothing of your "rainy day" fund, I think I would be keeping it under wraps. But if you feel uncomfortable with that, you may want to seek some legal advice say from FLIC available at no cost at your Court House. By calling the Law Society of Upper Canada you can get a free 1/2 counsultation with a lawyer in your town , a $6 fee is applied to your phone bill information at this link Law Society of Upper Canada, Lawyer Referral Service

If you are seperated for 1 year, you can apply for a divorce even if your ex does not want one

[witsend]

thanks

Thank you all for the information.