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  • Looking for advice

    I'm not sure where to post this so here it is...
    My wife and I have been having issuses for a while now, it has gotten to the point in the last few months we dont really speak to eachother, deal with eachother just enough to get by. We have 3 girls 9,7,3, and have been married for 10 years (sept 08). I have recently started a new job which she doesn't like but it will allow me more time to spend at home whereI need to be. My previous job I worked min 60hrs a week. The lack of communication is killing me, I want to talk but she leaves the room, I go upstairs she goes down, she has told me she no longer trusts my decisions, believes me to be mentally unstable, and has told me directly she believes nothing I say. I have not, nor will I ever abuse her verbally or physically. I felt staying in the house would not allow the marriage counselling to work as intended and left the home for a couple days to "clear my thoughts" I emailed her every day as well as called, responses were brief if at all there. When I returned 3 days later the locks were changed, her father and brother asked me to leave the property and that everything would be done fairly and legally. I expressed desire to go in and see my kids and gather belongings, access to both were denied. I did not get angry , raise my temper or voice. I asked why and recieved no answer. The next day I find out she had changed the PO box locks, maxed out my Line of credit and put the $ in her brand new personal account and hired a lawyer. All this AFTER my legal separation date which apparently is from the moment I walked out the door. (according to her) My older brothers inlaws are corp lawyers in TO, he asked general questions and was told it is illegal to further the debt load, also to keep me out of my house and away from my kids without legal paperwork none of which I have seen,or know to even exsist I express desire to come home and work on things with her, and to see my kids, she blocks all attempts, other than monitored phonecalls to them, (she listens in on the conversations) . I have no $ for a lawyer, and don't really want to hire one as I feel that their motives are not always in my best interest but only in the bottom line for them.
    I truly believe my wife and I can work this out, I love her deeply, but i will also not be taken advantage of because I can't afford a lawyer, What are my options here?

  • #2
    your wife raped you!

    look buddy, you wife basically raped you. Don't look to someone, who is obviously set at screwing you, for affection!
    Get a lawyer tout suite!


    • #3
      Unbelievable! Seems like it was a very well planned move by her. I wish that men (since its mostly them) seek legal advice before leaving the house because there is no way back after you leave. In my case, I was fortunate that I didn't actually leave even though I was thinking to do that when my ex left. She took my son with her and deprived me all access for two months.

      It takes minimum two months under normal circumstances for you to get a temporary access order. So don't delay a minute and go to the court house as soon as you can. You don't need a lawyer to start the case. Fill out the application form. There are duty counsels at the court. They will help you out. I can't stress more. If you are low income, you may qualify for legal aid. Do it right away. The longer you take to seek legal remedy the stronger is the status-quo.

      Besides starting a case in the court, I would suggest that you send her written communication demanding access. Document everything. Try to have witnesses. You are doing a good job by staying calm. Stay focused on your children. I have been there. I know how difficult your situation is but don't lose your cool.

      Most of all, take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep well and stay active. Do as much research as you can. There is a lot of information available on the internet.

      Good luck.


      • #4
        I just wanted to post for moral support.
        You got bush-wacked by her and her family. Do you have any family to support you?
        Can you give us a better picture of your financial position? It might help us in being able to advise you.

        Good luck


        • #5
          I am so sorry to read your story. It seems like you wanted to try and work things out but she already had her mind set on divorce.

          First forget about any ideas of getting back with her, she has sent a message loud and clear that it is over in her mind.

          Be very careful of what you do and whatever emails etc you may send her. Things could be used against you later. I am thinking that if you try for joint custody she is going to use her idea that she thinks you are mentally unstable and therefore should not have the kids at all.

          Good luck


          • #6
            I have started a daily log of my contact with her, saving any emails between us, and if there has been and face to face contact I have a person or 2 with me. I express my desire to enter the house, and see the kids via email so I can "capture" her responses. I was working a 75,000 a year job, got laid off at the end of January, I have since pursued a totally different career which in time can have the same or better income. I have zero savings, and have not recieved any type of paycheck since my layoff. We had been using the line of credit to pay some (not all) bills. The bills are all up to date and mostly in my name. I have since had my mail forwarded to my parents home, where I am staying now. As niave as it my seem I do feel we can work this out, given enough time, my parents were separated for 2 years and got back together, so I know it can happen. I would also like to know that if her lawyer is telling her to do the things she is, can he be held accountable for this as well. Like I said in the other post, I have not seen any type of legal document keeping me from inside my home or from my kids, I just keep getting told no i can't, and to avoid any possible ammo for her lawyer I am standing down and remaining calm.
            thanks again for any advice


            • #7
              You each an equal right to possession of the matrimonial home. I don't how long you have been out of there but I would move the hell back in!!!


              • #8
                Its fine to say move back in... but what about being charged because the locks are changed? If I "break in" can I be charged with B&E? or tresspass? or anything at all? Women have so many unwriten rights by the police if I do something wrong I get arrested... My new job would be lost if I get any criminal charges, I dont want that either... I feel like I'm damned if I do and double damned if I don't.


                • #9
                  I second that.....move back in NOW! Charged for what, is it not your house.
                  If this intimidates you just wait and see what else "could" be coming. It is certainly intimidating to have her and her family standing there saying no you may not come in, it is simply that... intimidation. You seem like a good guy, I would suggets at the very least getting a lawyers consultation/opinion on what to expect based on what you have written so far.


                  • #10
                    Does she have a valid reason to change the locks? Have the police ever been called to your home?
                    You might be being set up for a restraining order. Don't break into the house, although you have every right to be there. She and her family may be trying to bait you into doing so.
                    Take the legal route to get back into your home. Do it right and she'll look like the bad guy.



                    • #11
                      As far as I'm concerned there is no valid reason to change the locks, like I said before I've never hit her, never verbally assaulted her (at least no more in an arguement than she says to me). The police have never been to our house other than to question us about nieghbourhood vandalism. I have a 100% clean record not even a ticket for driving... I'm starting to wonder if there is even a lawyer involved and she is just doing this on her own... How long does it typically take to have legal paperwork in place for this sort of thing? It is now 11 days since her saying we're legally separated. I'm also wondering how long will it take for a lawyer to decide if they want the case? I mean financially there is sweet nothing to gain here for a lawyer we are broke....


                      • #12
                        sorry to tell you this but I am thinking she has been planning this for a while. In your first post you said that she thought you were mentally unstable and that she no longer trusts you decisions. What makes her think that way?

                        As for your parents getting back together after 2 years that is a good thing but it doesn't mean that you will. She cannot be more clear with her actions that she does not want you and wants out of the marriage. You have to accept that. If you go into this thinking in time you and her will work things out and carry on in the marriage then you will get screwed in the settlement. You probably would not fight as hard, (becasue you will be thinking in the end I will get it back when we get back together), as you can to get an agreement that you can live with.


                        • #13
                          does anyone out there no about deformation of character ? the lawyer for my soon to be EX told the judge in a deposition in his office that I was drunk ( this was 11:00am )that the deposition took place for 1 i dont drink and he has no way to prove that i was but i think that it made me look bad in the judges eyes . would that be deformation of character and a reason to have the judge removed from this case because of bias ?


                          • #14
                            Bring an emergency motion NOW to get yourself back in that house. She has no right to kick you out of the matrimonial home.

                            On the other hand, if you allow this to go on, a status quo will emerge that will continue because of your implicit acceptance of her and her family's reprehensible behaviour.

                            See a lawyer YESTERDAY to get clear on your rights, or get used to being kicked out of your house.

                            And like the previous poster said, if you think it's ugly now wait till they play the rest of their cards. Drunk in the lawyer's office is the two of clubs. Wait till the spousal and child abuse stories start flying. Then the parental alienation won't be far behind.

                            I would be considering asking for OCL involvement. If her and her family are willing to do what they have done so far, you can bet the OCL will sniff it out, because her family is probably as stupid as they are conniving.

                            This case makes me angrier than s**t because your knucklehead spouse is already shutting you out of your children's lives. Your kids need you a lot more than a vindictive a**hole denying access.

                            You are in for a long fight, but if you are child-centred and reasonable, you will prevail and she will be found out for the person she is.
                            Last edited by dadtotheend; 03-26-2009, 08:41 PM.


                            • #15
                              Well.... she did it, I got served with divorce papers last night at 7:30, she wants everything, the kids, the house and contents, a restraining order against me, me to pay all legal fees, a crazy amount of spousal support, child support, pension, health benefit coverage, sole beneficary to everything too, everything you can think of she's going after. I went from 10 days ago living in a home with my kids and wife, to this..... pretty damn quick, and pretty damn pre-meditated. this is going to be expensive.


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