I need help in prepartion for worst with hope of best

[soberguy]

Hi Guys!

I am following this forum since last couple of months and found very informative.I salute all of you for your efforts to help people by knowledge based opinion and sharing your real life exp.



I came to this great country in Feb 2002 as unmarried single,initially things were very hard as with every one but quickly I adjusted my self with all the aspects. I started working hard and building foundation to start life and in May 2006 got married after talking to her about 4 months.

She came here in March 2007 and since then she is criticizing for every thing(about this country,system,weather,job, me, my friends n families.. .....)and never accepted any thing over here and wants the things happen the way she want.Over all she is very controlling and dectative. She had threatened so many time to call police,kill her self by jumping from balcony, attacked couple of time,go back to home country,file case against me,pull me there and spoil my life by putting behind bar(which is very easy there if some one have influence).All these she starts if I don't do/delay the things she asks.She has temperamental problem.I told her lets take councilor's help which she rejected.To keep her happy I spend 90% of total expenses and do 85% of home work.

I am mentally tortured/threatened and lost the feelings and connection due to this repeatedly happenings.Due to all these I am delaying in expending family(still we don't have kids) and buying house.
Still I am trying my best to get things better but the same time I want to prepare for worst as I came to know that she is talking to one guy back home every day without fail behind me and I have all the call details.

Here are my question to you guys:

1. How I can protect my before and after marriage savings and investment in case of separation/divorce?
2.What should be ground for my case cheating or mental torture/life threat including herself?
3.Before I start any proceeding here most likely she will go back to back home without responding and file case against me by fabricating any thing which is very possible in that corrupt country, where law is very strict for foreigners who marry there.
4.We married in her country so can she file for divorce there too before or after case file over here?
5.What should be best course of action in terms of collecting evidence and all in parallel to trying to get things better.


I know its little longer but I can expect you guys best opinion/suggestion unless I explain every thing in detail.


Regards


Soberguy

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

I am not exactly sure of your or your wife's status in this country.
I gather that you and your wife are from seperate countries, and marreid in her contry almost three years ago this coming May.
It is a relief to hear that no children have come of this union given the many difficulties with the relationship itself.

Answers,
1) Unfortunately all assets once you are married are considered joint ownership between you and your wife.
2) The grounds for divorce are irrelevant, except you can use them to show that the likelihood of reconciliation are not likely and a divorce would be granted in light of them, but not because of them.
3) I believe that you have the option of filing for a divorce here or the country of the union. If she were to go back to her country, that would be where she would file if she initiated the divorce. If you stay and initiate the divorce you would file here. I would think that the country where the divorce is initiated would be the countries laws that you would follow, unless you are now a full Canadian citizen and as such would be subject to the laws of the province you reside.

There is no need to collect evidence per say. I would chronologically state your history together, what lead to your marriage and the basic facts/reason for requesting the divorce.
If there is anything of value that you or she feels should not be part of the matrimonial asset division each party making the claim to ownership must prove that it is solely owned either by inheritance or willed. Other then that all property is considered joint.
This is a marriage that lasted less than three years so the request for spousal support might be difficult, but not impossible given the circumstances. IE she may claim total dependence given that you work, and she came to this country and depended on you as her husband to support her. This is not what I would consider a strong case for support, but possible none the less.

I would try to keep things civil, and try not to let her suicide threats keep you from filling if you feel a divorce is the only option. Perhaps, given the short rocky union, a separation agreement would be an option for you. This way you both can agree on the terms of the divorce, have a lawyer review and advice on the ramifications of signing, then you can both go your separate ways. You do not have children to support, nor a large investment like a home to split so you can easily make an agreement that is acceptable to both.

[#1StepMom]

I echo what FL said.

Try not to rock the boat too much, especially if she is acting suicidal.

Unfortunately, without a prenuptual agreement, half of what you have is hers if you divorce. Unless you can both come to a separation agreement with which you both agree. But that may be very difficult, given her emotional and mental state, as you describe it.

Have you considered consulting with a lawyer? A lot of lawyers provide potential clients with free consultations. You could obtain a lot of information in that way. Even by visiting 3 or 4 lawyers, you can get an idea of how best to proceed.

Also, the legal aid clinics in the court houses are a good place to start as well, especially if you don't have the financial means to retain a lawyer.

If I were you, I would first educate myself - as you are doing by coming to this forum - and get a better idea of what my options are, before taking action.

Also, if you could give us some more information with regards to where the both of you were married, and what your status is in Canada, perhaps we could be of more assistance.

All the best,
Maggie

[soberguy]

I need help in preparation for worst with hope of best

Thank you very much to every one who has spared time to read my post as well 1Stepmom and FL who has quickly replying/addressing my concern.
As you guys asked some more info in order to understand and give best possible advice.So we got married in India and I am indo-Canadian with Canadian citizen status(no dual citizenship).Her status in this country is landed immigrant with Indian passport.I spent for every thing start from engagement to sponsorship expenses including ticket etc.. We both are in late thirties.

I think she came here for money,her best friend trying since long time(b4 we got married)to come here but he was fail to.She wants to bring him here I guess and she never stopped talking to him behind me and some time in front of me in their language.Now I found out the long distance service she is using and am tracking every day call details.All other long distance,cell,home and net service I pay but she is using this service secretly.As I learned from here that call recording is not legal otherwise I could have installed software in her cell.

She is trying to do every thing(mostly violent) to make me angry/upset so that I can say or do something which gives her chance to prove that I am abusive.I am very calm ,quiet and non violent person.Mostly in this world(as for as I know) it happen other way around.

I expect from all of you to give me your best opinion/suggestion/advice to make me prepare for the best possible move.

Regards
Soberguy

[soberguy]

I need help in preparation for worst with hope of best

Hi Guys!

Thanx for your valuable time you spent to read my post,but I love to know your expert views/opinion and suggestions which will help me to be strong to handle the problems which I don't deserve.My life is heading towards hell I am getting stressed and fear to loose my calm and quiet personalty.

Regards
Soberguy