On again Off again with the CS

[zumbooboo]

Hello, new to the sight so if I'm in the wrong spot let me know. I am divorced after 17yrs, things went fairly smooth at the start but have lately gotten irritating. I have 2 teenagers (16 and 14). She left me for another guy she met on the internet (lives in Colorado his story is more for the Jerry Springer crowd. Still lives with his disabled wife and looking for love etc.)
Anyways, we had shared custody of the children (50-50 split) when she lived in the area. She decided she had to move to Colorado on a visitor visa(HS education, no marketable skills, little chance of immigrating) and my daughter was going to go with her. After much convincing my daughter realized this was a bad idea and decided to stay so both children moved in with me. About this time my ex found out she has a bad heart, had already given notice on her apartment and put everything in storage. My ex went to live with her parents while dealing with her medical problem and trying to figure out if she can go to Colorado. The kids started living with me full time in Apr 08 and by end Jun 08 she had figured out that she was stuck in her parents house and I stopped the CS payments, she still gets the SS. Now she has decided to move back here, the kids will go back to the 50-50 split and I will immediately start payments all this with less than a months notice. The kids are willing to do it, she is thier mother and they love her, but I think she is just nuts (and other nasty words) for tossing them and me around like this. We have/had a separation agreement from a mediator, but since I took the kids in full time for the last 11 months that is void. I intend to talk to a lawyer, but I would like to avoid going to court.

Is she allowed to do this?
Doesn't she give up some rights by moving away and coming back nearly a year later?
Isn't that abandonment?

Oh and to top it off she's been claiming one of the kids on CCTB and since she went on CPP Disability she's been claiming both kids on that, isn't that fraud?

[dovan]

The children at this age have a say on where they wish to live be it good or bad for them. I think if you force your hand in that issue you might be causing yourself more heartache then good for the children. I know you wish to protect them and this is very hard for you. At that age they have alot of issues going on of their own and adding this to it may not end up good. Sit and talk with the children without putting their mother down for what she has done already. Tell them that they are settled now the accomplishments they have made since they have been in your home, what your concerns are regarding her health and them being there full time, that they can visit their mother anytime they wish. The children maybe wanting to go back to live with mom could also be guilt that she is now ill and feeling a sense of having to take care of her. That too needs to be clarified with the children if that is so. This is a very sensitive subject when it comes to children and one of their parents.

Regarding the CCTB, it is all a matter of filing out a form stating when the children began living with you and you became primary caregiver, they will in turn ask you to verify that you have the children in your primary care. CRA will then form an investigation and will inform you of their conclusions. This too happened to my boyfriend where he could not claim his son because she was claiming him and she would not sign stating he was no longer in her care leaving him owing income tax a lot of money. He proved by way of documents, daycare providers and so forth that he was indeed the primary caregiver so ultimately they reassessed the income taxes for approx 4 yrs and she now owes all the money back to CRA for CCTB and for claiming him on her personal income tax as a dependent.

[zumbooboo]

I know the children get to live where they want, especially teenagers. My daughter was supposed to go to the states with my ex, I'm just glad that fell through, it was blatantly wrong.
My concern now is this coming into and out of our lives, it definitely doesn't make my girlfriend happy, and it pisses me right off. Especially the automatic request for money, no warning of when, she just shows up. I've contacted CPP and they need me to file legal docs showing that the children have been living with me, don't know what I'll need to convince them. It took me almost a year of back and forth with Revenue Canada just to get my son switched to me for tax purposes and then they only started the payments from Dec 08, she dragged her feet filing the papers. So I figure she collected everything before that. I'm not money hungry (I'm doing fine without this extra, I haven't chased her for the cash she claimed....I just believe it's unfair that she's been claiming both kids for the past year and hasn't even lived in the same area). I just want whats fair and so far I feel like she's been messing me over.
I know I will need to contact CCTB about this also, I'm contacting my lawyer on Monday to see if he will take me back on and get some solid legal advice, I hate the extra expense and lost time. I'm pretty sure we need to sit down and rework our Seperation Agreement, as far as I'm concerned the last one is out the window. If it ends up that I'm giving her cash again then the standard of living for me and the kids drops, I've got no choice especially with the cost of everything is slowly going up. I'm not really going anywhere with this post.....just venting.

[dadtotheend]

You've got a status quo that says the kids live with you. Yes, the courts would consider, but not necessarily impose, their wishes on the parenting schedule.

The children's living arrangements should not be built around their Mom's schedule (whim?). She shouldn't be able to appear back in their lives when it suits her and cause upheaval in their routines. If you think it's best, and the kids agree, just say that she can have access in a reasonable manner, but that you will have primary residence. Tell her that you will consider revisiting the 50/50 regime when she is settled, but for now the children will continue to live with you.

Regarding the CPP, it's not really your concern. If she defrauded the government, that's your ex's problem. I would stay away from that.

I wouldn't worry about getting a new separation agreeement unless you have to go back to court. That will throw you into emotional and financial turmoil. And who's to say that another material change in circumstance won't invalidate the new agreement down the road? Sounds pretty likely based on what's happened so far.

Unfortunately, your GF is going to have live with your ex's appearances in and out of your lives. Your ex is the kids Mom, and she knew that going in.

You're going to be fine if you assert the kids' best interest in a firm and civil manner.

[zumbooboo]

she had access, I went out of my way to take the children to her, 3hrs one way to drop them off. I think what bugs/scares me the most is we've gotten settled with our lifestyle.
I don't think the kids understand that my giving 700-1000 off my "income" to my ex is going to severly effect how I can provide for them. So much for West 49, back to Walmart. I work damn hard to earn my cash so she can see her boyfriend in Colorado on my dime, thats what really bites.
Oh well, enough gripping tomorrow I contact my lawyer and set a date, until then she gets no more cash from me.

[dadtotheend]

I think what bugs/scares me the most is we've gotten settled with our lifestyle.

In legal jargon, the kids have a stable routine (status quo) which should not be disrupted. And you should see to it that your ex understands that you can't allow the routine should be disrupted. And if she makes noise about going to court, that you will ensure that the court is aware of the status quo, and that you will be seeking full CS from her, as there is no longer any 50/50 split on the time. Indeed I would be seeking full CS from her right now.

[littleman]

zumbooboo.....when it comes to custody the main thing is status quo......a judge rarely changes the status quo for the sake of stability for the children.....children are number one in the eyes of the court.......maybe not with FRO for the enforcement.......but with the judge they are......as far as frauding the govt......she will be caught in the end trust me.....my ex tried to claim our child when I have sole custody and he was caught last year.....meanwhile I was the one being threatened to have to pay back all my returns for the past years since I was awarded sole custody.......irregardless let her do what she is doing with govt and in the end you will have the knowledge that you didnt teach you children to be underhanded and expect something for nothing........be the best dad you can be and your children will thanky ou for it in the end.....doesnt matter how much money you make or if you have that big screen plasma.....in the end they see you for you and they will see what mom has done and they will thank you for standing up for them........stay sterong and as LV has said on here just nod & smile.......dont engage in conflict with her at all

[zumbooboo]

thanks

Well status quo or no, the children make the final decision. In the end she is still their mother and they elected to return to the shared custody arrangement. I hate that she pulls them back and forth like this, but I will be patient and support my children as best I can. I will also provide them with as much info as they ask for so they can make an informed decision. Soon enough my son is off to college and not long after my daughter too. Truthfully I just don't want to have to deal with my ex ever again and maybe once the kids move on with each their own lives I will get my wish.

thanks all.