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My time here is done....

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  • My time here is done....

    After months and months of searching for information to finalize my divorce without lawyers, last week I finally received that piece of mail I have been planning for five years. It was a bitter sweet moment, but one that I needed to face....my marriage is over.

    I will say one thing, this site was not that helpful, I am sorry, but since everyone else is speaking their mind. I asked, I pleaded and I messaged anyone that I thought had the answers.....but nothing. So once again, I figured it out on my own, now I am legally divorced, ex is content, I am content, but more importantly, my children are content.

    I would stay and be there for others who need help....but I am afraid, after reading so many belly-aching and man bashing posts....that it would just get me down. I only have one thing to say....it takes two to make a marriage to work, it takes two to make a marriage end, it takes two to make a child happy.....and it takes two to make them sad.......think of the children.

    Take Care and Good Luck to All

  • #2
    Sorry about your luck.

    This site has been very helpful to me, and I was able to sift through the bashing and weed out the good stuff.

    I have stayed on for almost eight months after obtaining sole custody, trying to give back in appreciation for what I have learned.

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    • #3
      Glad to hear that you were able to get closure in your life.

      There are two sides to the coin really. For the most part, I have found helpful items here, but I do find it unfortunate that people do tend to automatically make an assumption about who you are as a person or as a parent and respond in that manner - typically negatively. Or, I have noticed that (and yes, I know everyone has lives offline) many times the same people may respond to different posts of yours, but they respond as though you've never posted numerous posts before containing many details, and it tends to be a bit wearing some times. Don't get me wrong, it's not a shot at any single person at all, and I'm not trying to be offensive, though I am sure there will be those who will think as such and make assumptions in a response, but sometimes... an actual answer might be nice.
      I'll stick around for sure, in hopes that perhaps what I learn through my self-rep battle can help others in some way.

      Best of luck to you.

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      • #4
        Does not take two to end marriage, just one

        Not trying to ruffle feathers, but it doesn't always take two to end a marriage. Sometimes, it only takes one person to end a marriage. My ex gave up on the marriage. She was unhappy in her life and blamed me for many of her own problems. Instead of taking the hard road and dealing with the issues, she proceeded to have an affair, lied to me for a year and said she wanted a change (before I knew what was going on). She continued to bash me to others and ran me down and then took the kids away from me. I got her to go to marriage counselling, but she was already gone. So no, one sick person can ruin a marriage. It takes two people to make it work, but not always two to end it. I take responsibility for my life, but not for the selfish actions of others. And has my ex solved her problems? No, she is still selfish, rude and continues to hurt me by manipulating the children. And she still uses me as the scapegoat for her problems.

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        • #5
          ditto to SS's comment.
          Attempting to gain advantage at any cost and with absolutely no regard for others, one self-centred, manipulative, conniving person can cut a swath of destruction through the lives of many - spouse, children, family, friends...
          And I would venture to say that is probably a recurring theme in many a marriage break-down.

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          • #6
            I have to disagree with you about this site .
            Ididn't realy thank everybody for the help I got here when I asked for it but this site helped me a lot thank you .This site provided me with a great source of info that i used in a very difficult case and it made a difference for sure Just ask my ex wife's lawyer.LOL

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            • #7
              I am thinking my comment 'it takes two to end a marriage' needs more explanation. Yes I totally agree it takes ones action to end a marriage, but to actually move on, and possibly even forgive, that takes two. I have forgiven my ex for his actions, not enough to reconcile, but enough to respect my children and their love for him. His lifestyle choices can not hurt me anymore, and I will put all my energy into supporting my children and their releationship with him no matter how it ends up. I had my days of anger what his actions did to me emotionally, but I need to walk away from people who could possibly fuel the fire that took me years to put out. I want to help people with advice on the legal process of getting a divorce, a non contested divorce without any lawyers or dragged out court dates, for that was my experience, and I (we) are grateful for that, and because of this my children did not suffer any more than they had too. I in no way wanted to insult anyone, I am fully aware of how lucky I was for how things worked out for me and my children, but without both of OUR cooperation, this would not be possible. I wish everyone the peace I am finally experiencing in my life. Happy New Year to all!!!

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              • #8
                More power to you Soon. Absolutely, the best for all involved is to reach agreement without lawyers, and whenever possible, without the intervention of the courts. Best wishes for the future, and may 2009 be a year of healing and moving forward for you, your children, and your ex.

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                • #9
                  I think people are not aware of the law and there is so many people that throw the money to lawyer instead of keeping it for the children. Sometimes it is easy to say the hell with it you are going to pay. In Ontario there is mediators which you may call but a lot of time they recommend that you have a lawyer. Again the vicious circle started again. I think I will stay for a while and see if I can help a little.

                  Comment

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