OCL - Home observation

[singledad99]

OK had the initial meeting with CI last week. The person seemed to be very friendly and didn't give any hint what my ex had told him. He did mention that he had noticed that my son had improved a lot at school since last year. He also said he would like to file the report in 3 months time which is fine for as long as he does the work properly and does not try to off load work in a rush.

He also had observation of mom and son last week. My ex had planned a fake activity with our son to show that she was very involved with his education. I don't know her intention to do that but I am thinking, doesn't that mean that the child is NOT alienated from his mom?

The CI is visiting us at our home next week. Any tips or hints what I should be doing in his presence. Most of the times, my son and I have pretty much set agenda for the evening but we don't always follow the sequence and nothing is set in stone except for bed time or dinner. Should I just do everything pretending the guy is not there or plan something fake like my ex?

Any help will be appreciated.

[dadtotheend]

The CI will go to great lengths to be neutral. He will not tip his hand at all, don't expect it. This is a court procedure, in which independance and objectivity are very important, to say nothing of the CI's professional standards.

Don't be surprised if it takes longer than 3 months, it's like anything, things can take longer than you think. In our case, they started in August and we had our disclosure meeting in November, so they did it more or less on time.

Don't worry about what Mom is doing, it's beyond your control. The CI is a trained professional (hopefully experienced) and will very likely see through any BS. Your son's unfamiliarity with the staged activity was likely noticed, or it will be when the CI starts checking with collateral sources.

BTW, if you found out about this by asking your son what happened, please take my advice and be very discrete about questioning him regarding stuff that goes on with Mom. It's not good for him to be asked to divulge stuff about the other parent that goes in a high conflict situation like yours.

For me, the home visit was far and away the most stressful time, and the most intrusive. We were also visited around dinner/bed time, it's part of the OCL routine. You will be nervous, the CI knows it. Inevitably, you will say or do something you wish you could take back, however minor. Let it roll off your back. It's hard I know. Just go through your routine as best as you can.

What you want is for your son to present as cosy and comfortable in his home. Introduce the CI to your son as your friend who has come for a visit, and treat the CI like that. It will help make you and your son more at ease. In addition to generally assessing the child's home situation, the CI is looking to observe the kind of bond you have with your son. From what you've written so far, nothing needs to be forced, and the CI will observe the bond between you. That's why you should try hard to not try hard and just be yourself. It will help to let your son be himself.

Be prepared for the CI to ask you something unexpected while your attention is diverted on your son. Strategic questions are posed at strategic times in order to root out the best interest of the child.

Above all DON'T FAKE ANYTHING when the CI comes to see you. You don't need to, and you certainly don't want to be caught trying to deceive these people.

Try and realx, you're going to be fine, best luck and let us know what happens.