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  • Does it always have to be 50/50

    Does it always have to be 50/50 split of everything owned by family?

    My ex quit the job after deliberately getting into an argument with her boss after less than we started living together. No kids were born or coming at that time.

    Then she went back to work 3 years later (son was 2 then) and worked for one year. She quit again, again after getting into an argument with her boss.

    Then she decided to stay at home and sit in front of TV while I was finding it very hard to support the family by myself.

    She wasn't really a stay at home wife as I was still doing the cooking, running errands, groceries, doctors etc. She had found a good way of relaxing and I kept asking her to find a job without any success in convincing her.

    So finally she got a job two years ago. Got fired after 3 months. That's when we split for real good.

    I paid all the mortgages, taxes, maintenance, bills, you name it. All she did was to force me to add more to the debts.

    We were only married for 7-8 years. I worked very hard all these years. I studied full time with a full time job. On top of these two I was like a full time dad as soon as I stepped into the house. How I did it, I don't even know but I was usually going to bed between 11 pm - 3 am depending on my studies schedule. I could only start studying after putting the son to bed.

    Is that fair that she gets 50/50 for being lazy, has free lawyer and received SS from me. I on the other hand, have nothing left. I am actually negative by big time and will have to pay off the debts in many more years to come.

    Any insights?

    Thank you.

  • #2
    Originally posted by singledad99 View Post
    Does it always have to be 50/50 split of everything owned by family?

    My ex quit the job after deliberately getting into an argument with her boss after less than we started living together. No kids were born or coming at that time.

    Then she went back to work 3 years later (son was 2 then) and worked for one year. She quit again, again after getting into an argument with her boss.

    Then she decided to stay at home and sit in front of TV while I was finding it very hard to support the family by myself.

    She wasn't really a stay at home wife as I was still doing the cooking, running errands, groceries, doctors etc. She had found a good way of relaxing and I kept asking her to find a job without any success in convincing her.

    So finally she got a job two years ago. Got fired after 3 months. That's when we split for real good.

    I paid all the mortgages, taxes, maintenance, bills, you name it. All she did was to force me to add more to the debts.

    We were only married for 7-8 years. I worked very hard all these years. I studied full time with a full time job. On top of these two I was like a full time dad as soon as I stepped into the house. How I did it, I don't even know but I was usually going to bed between 11 pm - 3 am depending on my studies schedule. I could only start studying after putting the son to bed.

    Is that fair that she gets 50/50 for being lazy, has free lawyer and received SS from me. I on the other hand, have nothing left. I am actually negative by big time and will have to pay off the debts in many more years to come.

    Any insights?

    Thank you.

    The law provides that all assets and liabilities to be shared 50/50 for the time of the marriage. This is called Net Equalization. Its not clear to me why your absorbing all the debt unless you made some sort of deal of reduced spousal support in lieu or similar back door deal to compensate.

    When there are many outstanding prevailing issues on the table, sometimes it is best to separate the issues rather than weave them together.

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    • #3
      Your situation sounds very similar to mine. The thing I learned early on is that one needs to abandon all notions of what is "fair". The answer to your question is that no, it's absolutely not fair... but the legal system isn't about fair.

      Once I stopped viewing my divorce as an attempt at a fair solution and started viewing it as "how can I reduce the amount by which I am going to be screwed", I was much more productive. It wasn't easy to cut through the hurt - and I still have my days - but I'm a happier person for it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by About_Time View Post
        Once I stopped viewing my divorce as an attempt at a fair solution and started viewing it as "how can I reduce the amount by which I am going to be screwed", I was much more productive. It wasn't easy to cut through the hurt - and I still have my days - but I'm a happier person for it.
        That's a unique way of stating it, but I think it gets the point across.
        Steer clear of all the little things that could potentially cost you more then it's worth and stick to what "really" matters, you could say “more bang for your buck”!

        Comment

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