It really doesn't end, does it?

[Kimberley]

Well, the kids returned today from their first visit with the ex since June - court ordered of course. The two youngest were upset about something he said to them at the start of the visit. He told them that I only took him to court to get money from him; he put them into an unfair position, as the case is not really discussed around the house here, the only things they do know, because they have asked, is that I went to court, and that they will get regular visits with their father now, they do not need to know anything outside of that. None of it is their fault or for them to have to worry or concern themselves with, they are just kids.

The biggest part of the issue is saying these things to my 14 yr old son. He is a teen, going through teen things, who still holds his father in a certain regard that most teen boys do, and to have his father tell him these things about me only puts a wedge between my son & I, because his father is telling him things such as this about me.

Right now I think I will take a step towards dealing with this by sending a letter to his lawyer that this cannot occur, that I do not want to have to be pushed into requesting supervised visits because he is angry that he is having to pay child support to help raise his children, and uses this to cause behaviour problems and upset in my home.

I will never understand why people feel the need to use their own children to project their anger. They are his responsibility whether he likes it or not. It is not my problem that he now has two kids under the age of 2 with his live-in girlfriend, he needs to learn to keep it in his pants, and she needs to introduce her knees to each other.

It's a sad world when there are parents that have to be forced to be responsible.

[logicalvelocity]

Well, the kids returned today from their first visit with the ex since June - court ordered of course. The two youngest were upset about something he said to them at the start of the visit. He told them that I only took him to court to get money from him; he put them into an unfair position, as the case is not really discussed around the house here, the only things they do know, because they have asked, is that I went to court, and that they will get regular visits with their father now, they do not need to know anything outside of that. None of it is their fault or for them to have to worry or concern themselves with, they are just kids.

The biggest part of the issue is saying these things to my 14 yr old son. He is a teen, going through teen things, who still holds his father in a certain regard that most teen boys do, and to have his father tell him these things about me only puts a wedge between my son & I, because his father is telling him things such as this about me.

Right now I think I will take a step towards dealing with this by sending a letter to his lawyer that this cannot occur, that I do not want to have to be pushed into requesting supervised visits because he is angry that he is having to pay child support to help raise his children, and uses this to cause behaviour problems and upset in my home.

I will never understand why people feel the need to use their own children to project their anger. They are his responsibility whether he likes it or not. It is not my problem that he now has two kids under the age of 2 with his live-in girlfriend, he needs to learn to keep it in his pants, and she needs to introduce her knees to each other.

It's a sad world when there are parents that have to be forced to be responsible.

Because you found out this information from the children, the court would see it as child hearsay and it would be given very little weight. The onus is on you to prove that the other parent indeed said thise things to the children without involving the children. It can be difficult circumstance to prove.

[Kimberley]

Very true, but I am hoping that it will be dealt with swiftly by his lawyer. The judge for the case was already on the fence regarding his having access, and fully aware of the previous situation regarding the assault with a weapon sentence on his girlfriend for harming our then 8 yr old son in their home - with him being aware of what occurred that same evening and doing nothing about it, nor making me aware of it; this is fully documented in the police report, the sworn statements from the children and in the CAS files.
Unfortunately I will not just let him use the kids for his own agenda without taking into account the harm it causes them. I do my best to protect them from what I can in all this and to try & provide as much stability in their lives as possible - there is no way in hell that I will allow him to do this & have it go unmentioned & unchecked, enough is enough.

[Reilly's_Mom]

No, it doesn't end. There's always one form of bull or another :S
FRO has now taken action to suspend my ex's licence due to failure to pay support. As a result, he sent them a whopping $64.60 to try and stave them off. He has twice failed to provide the requested "schedule of repayment".

Then he decided to gain access to my "friends" list through my daughter's facebook account while she was at his house this weekend and email some of my friends saying he DOES pay support every month. The man is $2800 behind..and full of lies. I have a bankruptcy meeting this week...thanks to him. I insisted that FRO check their records last week. They confirmed they've only received the $64.60. After 8 years of this crap (and still no divorce) ..nope, it never ends.

I can see why some people drink.

*hugs and best of luck wishes to you*

[dadtotheend]

He told them that I only took him to court to get money from him; he put them into an unfair position, as the case is not really discussed around the house here, the only things they do know, because they have asked, is that I went to court, and that they will get regular visits with their father now, they do not need to know anything outside of that.

A counsellor I took the kids and myself to advised that an appropriate response to this from you might be along the lines of "...I'm sorry that he still feels that way, we have been working towards ending the conflict between us..."

It is not my problem that he now has two kids under the age of 2 with his live-in girlfriend, he needs to learn to keep it in his pants, and she needs to introduce her knees to each other.

Not a very nice comment indeed.

[Kimberley]

I made it on a forum, not to my kids, there's a difference.
He puts the children in the middle, makes them feel horrible guilt telling them I am making him pay money when I supposedly have a great paying job and am only doing it to make things hard for him. I am not the one who chose to continue to procreate without once thinking about the children he's been shirking responsibility for after far too long.
Last I checked, tis better to vent where it's out of ear/eye shot of the kids than put them in the middle. If that's a problem, then place me on ignore.

[logicalvelocity]

Isn't Canada a great Country; A place where citizens have the constitional right to procreate without being frowned upon by the legal system.

[About_Time]

Isn't Canada a great Country; A place where citizens have the constitional right to procreate without being frowned upon by the legal system.

Thank God. I'd hate to have you people researching the details of my vasectomy on CanLII