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How to get rid of your new boyfriend's EX!!

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  • How to get rid of your new boyfriend's EX!!

    I met this guy about 2 years ago, just got out of relationship that produced three kids, a tonne of debt, and a lot of emotional baggage. We've survived, but the EX is gone BONKERS. For the last 2 years she has crucified me and him and continues to do so even though she has a peace bond against her and has been advsied by the police to keep her distance. She even lied to the police and got him charged for domestic violence and only for his mother speaking up those charges got dropped. They had purchased a house about three years prior to splitting - in that whole time she had not contributed to the household, she obtained no employment and the little bit she did she got dismissed from because she lied about being injured on the job. She sat home all day, smoked, drank coffee and to add to all of that committed adultry! When she finally left the house she told him she was leaving because there were too many memories in the house and she needed some space, on the back of it she took every thing in the house. Never left him with a fork. As soon as she found out he got involved with someone she proceeded to contact this woman and harass her continuously and even threatened her children. Once that relationship was done we met and she started the same line of crap with me, she even assaulted me. I had enough real quick and proceeded to have a peace bond put in place against her and she even violated that and has had to go to court and has been charged with at least 4 violations. At this point, she has finanacillay drained him, beacause one minute she's agreeing to a child support arrangement, then next minute she's not. Now she wants half the house, even though she's cleaned the contents out twice over. She has finally agreed to a five thoudsand dollar settlement - or at least we think. I personally think she's gotten enough. My boyfriend has supplied every thing for school supplies, all clothing and footwear, Christmas, birthdays and every holiday possible. She has had nothing. Most of the time she doesn't even have food for them to eat, or right now a place for them to live. One child has decided to stay with his father (I think this kid has got the right idea) but she still hasn't passed over any money from his child tax benefit or anything like that. He's been there for about 4 months straight. His daughter is there 1/2 time and the other kid is trying to save the self-destrucitve reptile from herself, so at this point it's all we can do to see him for a few hours. She has everyone around her driven nuts and proceeds to keep up the foolishness by calling around the clock to make it known that she owns half the house. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do with this.
    Last edited by Rachel; 09-09-2008, 03:16 PM. Reason: spelling and syntax

  • #2
    You are in the ex game. Unfortunately, it doesn't get easier. Its why so may divorced or seperated parents stay that way. Some call it baggage, but for those of us who have had the unfortunate privilege of living it, we call it moving on. Its hard to find the happy medium. There will always be ex issues when there are children involved, and especially when there is a history such as yours. Show your love and support for the kids and your new partner.....hopefully everything else will work itself out. Sorry if this isn't what you were hoping to hear. Good Luck !!!


    • #3
      Thanks for the support . . .

      Thanks Roxy,

      I've come to realize the whole life cycle of the EX hates the new girlfriend and all that stuff. I'm still standing by him and the kids didn't ask to be born so what can any one say. I try my best for them. However the psycho was down last night and started once again and this time over $30. To say the least I was ready to loose my mind. I have never in my life and probably never will again meet anyone like her. She even went so far as to challenge my boyfriend and I to a fight ~ and might I add in front of the kids. She then proceeded to tell my boyfriend that she was going to charge him with child abuse, neglecting the children, report him to income tax, etc. She even had her new boyfriend involved. Needless to say I am far from impressed. She's back in school now, and getting financial support from Service Canada, and a student loan to supplement her, hounding us and getting child tax benefit at the end of each month and its still not enough.
      I don't think the local mental health authority would touch her at this point. They'd just probably drop her off somewhere and hope she doesn't come back.
      If there's a repeat episode tonight I'll loose my mind. And the lies, and the threats, and the attempted blackmail. I've got a good mind to call the court prosecutor this morning and speak with him before her next court appearance. All for $30 - if I were 36 and had to get on like this I'd be a shame. I guess when you're a sociopath it doesn't matter.


      • #4
        I would certainly get a recording device both for any telephone calls and for any face to face interacting.
        Today's world is full of wonderful gadgets that will help support your case should all this hit the courts.

        There is nothing worse then he sais she said when having to talk to the courts.
        Unlike criminal law you do not have to advise the other party that they are being recorded when you are dealing with Family law. As Family law is all about the best interest of the children, and if she is half of what you have said, no court would agree to leave the children in her care. If they do, there is no way he would loose liberal visitation and only pay CS based on his annual income.

        We had/have a psycho ex and that is what we had to do. She acted one way in from of us always trying to threaten us and cause trouble and like a poor little victim in the courts, so we started recording, boy did the tables turn.

        My advise is to also keep a daily diary of everything that happens between your family and her, right down to times and words spoken. Time has a way of changing how we remember things. A court will see the diary as believable if you keep the details to what they really were, coupled with the recording to back it up. I submitted several transcripts of conversations that were taped for family court; I just made sure to always have a copy for the courts. Let me correct that, I provided the original recordings tot he court and kept a copy, this was to avoid being accused of "manipulating" the recordings. Our ex-psycho tried that on us.

        I feel your pain, best of luck!


        • #5
          Originally posted by Rachel View Post
          I guess when you're a sociopath it doesn't matter.[/COLOR]
          Been there experienced that, you're not kidding. My ex got her own child kicked out of school to advance her interests.


          • #6
            Thanks for the ideas and support . . .

            Took the advice and got a recording device. The boyfriend said he feels like James Bond (at least he smiled ~ haven't seen one of those in a few days).
            The reptile called last night because the middle son had to go to the Doctor today to get his broken arm checked, had to loan the slithering snake money for gas Once again broke and doesn't care, but got a pack of smokes, Tim's in hand and that vulture of a boyfriend driving around with her. Honestly, there are days!
            At least at this point I do have some hope. One of my friend's brothers-in-law contacted me (he's a lawyer), and gave me some advice and a lawyer in my area to contact who deals with psychos like this gem effectively. God I hope so.


            • #7
              Splitting the assets (i.e. home, ATV, etc...)

              My boyfriend's EX hardly worked a day during their relationship, but she did however contribute to his debt. He is the sole title holder on the house, has a loan in his and her name that he is taking the heat for and a credit card that she used and racked to the hilt. She wants half the home, etc., etc, etc., the reptile's list of demands is endless. I'm wondering what he can do? She cleaned him out twice over of contents, doesn't stop hounding him for money (this has all been recorded - dates and amnounts), and not one of the bills at the house is in her name. She doesn't have credit enough to buy a chocolate bar. What is she entitled to at this point? She's been out of the house for 2 years and left willingly, so is there anything he can do? We live in Newfoundland, so I know the law is a little different from Ontario, but does someone have some insight they can provide? Thanks.


              • #8
                My understanding is that there is a year limitation on when an ex spouse can request asset splitting. If she initiated this in the beginning then no matter how long it takes to resolve she is entitled to a split.

                If she waited the full time and woke up one day two years later to ask for the house etc, I do not think I judge will look at her request.
                The fact that she left, also does not help her case.
                The fact that she took the content of the home also is a strike against her.

                This is a very controlling, vindictive individual and you would do well not to stoop to her level.
                I know she makes your skin crawl and you could just scream every time her name is mentioned in a sentence, I've been there, but you have to take the high road, and at least look and act nice in her presence. That alone will drive her snaky.
                As for her threats, I think they are just that, she has no legal ground to take anything to court. She has tried to be evil by making false criminal charges, but it appears she is only fooling herself there too.

                Once we decided to take the "yes Molly" route (name changed, not her real name), things have been pretty good. She does not call harassing us as much any more, and all the empty allegations have stopped. I think it's because she can't argue with herself, and if we are pleasant she can't misconstrue what we said to her gain.
                I’d just wait and see, maintain any child support and access schedule, and that’s it, nothing more, do not give into her threats unless they are from a lawyer backed by documentation. Just a lawyer’s letter is not enough to make us budge. It has to be formal and entered to the continuing record before we even acknowledge anything the ex says. It has been a whole lot easier lately and we have smiled more and had more happy times.
                Just my opinion.


                • #9
                  Originally posted by FL_Needs_To_Change View Post
                  My understanding is that there is a year limitation on when an ex spouse can request asset splitting. If she initiated this in the beginning then no matter how long it takes to resolve she is entitled to a split.
                  Is this a year after the divorce or a year after the date of separation?


                  • #10
                    I believe it's after the date of separation.
                    In my case my husband was separated just over a year when I called his lawyer to ask how long the ex had to start a claim. He advised that if she had not commenced a claim by one year then she would not be entitled. I didn't want to get into a situation where I put my heart and sole into a new home with the man only to have her scoop it out from under me.


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by FL_Needs_To_Change View Post
                      I believe it's after the date of separation.
                      In my case my husband was separated just over a year when I called his lawyer to ask how long the ex had to start a claim. He advised that if she had not commenced a claim by one year then she would not be entitled. I didn't want to get into a situation where I put my heart and sole into a new home with the man only to have her scoop it out from under me.
                      My ex didn't file any papers until more than a year after we had separated, but is going after half my work pension. Does this mean she can't do that? Is asset splitting the same as equalization?


                      • #12
                        yes, it's basically the same.
                        As for CPP, she is entitled to that, and there is no limitation when she can apply. She is only entitled to split for the years that she and you were married AND still living together or resided as CL. Once she no longer is physically living as married or common law she no longer is entitled to splitting.

                        Note that you are also entitled to the same years in question if she was working. Half of her entitlement would be allocated to you and half of yours to her. It's a two way street that many forget.


                        • #13
                          Unless I'm mistaken, the Family Law Act states that a claim can be made up to 2 years after the date of divorce or 6 years after the date of separation, if no divorce has been granted.

                          I like your version better though


                          • #14
                            As far as CPP, it can be claimed at any time without limitation, even if there is an agreement that they won't apply for it. CPP doesn't honour the agreements.

                            Work pension, we were told 7 years after separation to claim it. My spouse waited out the 7 years to file for divorce, and she was not able to put in a claim for it.


                            • #15
                              I think you may have misunderstood what I said.

                              This site will clearly explain the CPP credit splitting.
                              Canada Pension Plan (CPP) - Credit Splitting Upon Divorce or Separation

                              There is no limit on when they can seek the split, the can ask for this right up to the time they are ready to retire if they wanted.
                              BUT they are only entitled to the years of co-habitation in a married sense of the word.

                              Say you worked 10 years before meeting your partner, those years are not up for splitting.
                              You move in together in 1998 and the relationship proceeds until you marry in 2001, then you split up in 2005, but are not divorced until 2008.

                              The CPP splitting encompasses 1998 through to 2005 since the first years were under the "Common law" union law and from 2001 to 2005 you were physically married and still living as such..

                              The same period of time is split for her. If she worked from 1998 through to 2008, then her CPP credits are calculated and split from 1998 to 2005, just as yours are.


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