Need help

[OB1]

My ex and I have been at it for the last 3 years. The children have been living with her; I see them from Friday afternoon to Monday morning. Every other weekend.
Her Lawyer just contacted mine and asked to set up a settlement conference. As of yet we have not equalized anything. I have been paying my child support to date. She is asking for sole custody, spousal support and equalization of all assets. I offered her a lump sump spousal support payment along with an equalization payment which she did not sign back. Unfortunately she’s been talking to many divorcees which have told her she can get more. My lawyer’s fees are approx 35000.00 to date and she doesn’t seem to care. My understanding is she owes her lawyer around 40000.00 dollars. Just yesterday she told me she wants me to sign a paper that I would not fight for custody at least until my children turn 16. They are now 8 and 12. My 12 year old has expressed interest in moving in with me on a 50/50 basis. My ex refuses and tells me if that were to happen she will take me to court. She says I’m brainwashing my child to make that decision.
My question is if I sign a document saying I won’t take my children until their 16 those that hold any weight. My child can say she wants to live with me at a later date. Also what is evolved in a settlement conference? I also have offered her some of my RSP. She refused to accept that as a part of the equalization. My problem is that is where most of my money is. What can I do?
This has been killing me for the last 3 years, my doctors have told me to stay off work due to my depression and stress levels.

Thanks for all the input

[logicalvelocity]

OB1,

as you mentioned,

My question is if I sign a document saying I won’t take my children until their 16 those that hold any weight. My child can say she wants to live with me at a later date. Also what is evolved in a settlement conference? I also have offered her some of my RSP. She refused to accept that as a part of the equalization. My problem is that is where most of my money is. What can I do?

This has been killing me for the last 3 years, my doctors have told me to stay off work due to my depression and stress levels.

Thanks for all the input

If it was me, I wouldn't sign any such agreement. I would also request the OCL involved to represent the children independently. A child at the age of 16 may withdraw from parental control and decide where or whom they want to live with.

Settlement Conference is an informal process and its a step that the parties must go through to get to trial. The intent is to give the parties an additional opportunity to settle the issues. The court may give views and issue orders. Basically its a free opportunity to present your argument on the issues. You can attach your offer to settle to your settlement conference brief.

lv

[OB1]

Thanks LV.

Assuming I do sign this agreement am I held to it? From my understanding the settlement coference thier requesting is a four way meeting, held in her lawyers office. I have giving them several fiancial statements and briefs. Would I need anotherone prepared for this meeting?

thanks again

P.s can my child decide where they want to live at 12

[standing on the sidelines]

Never sign anything that you do not agree to. To sign something and then try to back out later just wastes time. I am thinking that a judge would be thinking that you signed an agreement in good faith. Try and tell a judge sure I signed it but I really thought I could change my mind later. That is not gonna fly.

[OB1]

It's not a question of changing my mind, it's if the child says Dad I want to live with you after I sign this, will that over weigh the agreement.

[logicalvelocity]

OB1,

A four way meeting is not a typical settlement conference. It is however a viable attempt to settle and discuss the issues before litigation begins.

The four way, will be very informal and significant issues may be settled before seeking the court's help to put finality to the issues.

As a result of the four way meeting, minutes of settlement or an agreement may arise on partial settlement or full settlement. Go into this meeting optimistic and open minded.

lv