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Do I look to adjust Child Support?

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  • Do I look to adjust Child Support?

    Morning friends, I hope all is well.

    Quick update - my soon to be 17 year old son has no officially moved in with us and he has adjusted great! School is registered and courses selected, I've gotten him transferred to a work location in town, he is pumped, and through social media of course, continues to stay communicated with friends and family etc.

    Question I have regarding support - now while I have always paid my exact timetabled amount, never been behind, for all 3 of my children, does this change how the calculation could be?

    Quick background - never married to ex, separated in 2009, all other financial matters resolved years ago, all that remains is child support and I have paid timetabled amount since 2009.

    To confirm, as of the beginning of this year, I am no longer at my salaried workplace but I still continued to pay based off of my 2021 NOA, even though I am now BFS.

    My 3 kids as of December 31st of 2022 will be 17 (living with me) 16/14 living with her. I am also not looking to get any lawyers involved to pay high sums of money when they will just spike emotion and most likely cause disagreement.

    If anyone here has experienced could they kindly provide their opinion and thank you in advance

    - Do I have the right to ask for her 2021 NOA?
    - I have contacted CRA regarding CTC
    - As of today, I still transferred my timetabled amount for 2 children
    - Would the full timetabled amount be adjusted a little as I now how 1 child?
    - To date, I am unsure of her income
    - This is for Ontario and I would look to negotiate with her over email.

    Thank you

  • #2
    If your son is living with you full time then yes you are entitled to support from her. You should ask her for her notice of assessment and from there you will figure out what she owes you for one child and what you owe her for one child. The difference is what is paid to the lower earner.

    Involving lawyers is not necessary but you may need the court especially if you have an existing order no matter how old it is.

    Your first step would be to reach out and let her know that now that kid is living with you full time cs needs to be adjusted. Would she kindly provide you with either her NOA or proof of her current income so you can recalculate accordingly. If she refuses, you would file a motion to change to update support and you can self rep quite easily.

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    • #3
      Thank you for your response. Message sent to her and I will continue to update the thread.

      Comment


      • #4
        So just a quick update - I sent a text message, very straight forward and to the point. I asked for a few items for my son, passport, hc, bc, and a copy of her 2021 NOA. I also stated that she is free to pick him up at my residency anytime or I will meet her 60% of the way, where she often meets me when she has dealings in a particular town. I stated we can do this in alternate week ends so that siblings can see each other etc and asked if she would also meet me there with my other two children.

        Sadly, I get a ghost written response 5 paragraphs long where she transferred me 'what she states is her amount' but will not send me copy of NOA until i provide her 3 years of all of my records, which I already do yearly, and that she was under the impression that I would continue to pick up and drop off on the same week ends (I had currently driven 100% of the way p/u & d/o) and all this other he said she said BS.

        I had sent her an email in June providing her with 2 months notice of my son's decision etc, and no response to that or any other communication. She actually stated that I hadn't provided her anything etc. Then to find out that she switched my daughters school and I just recently found out where my 14 year old is starting HS. She stated we should go to mediation.......

        Anyhow, just goes to show that when some demand the information, they luv it and could care less about the other party. 13 years later and she is still bitter, and I let het know, tastefully of course. I basically stated that we have nothing left to discuss outside of this new change in which my son chose to move to. I am out of city and fully prepared to drive 60% to ensure he sees them all. I have a 17/16 and 14 year old and pay full time tabled support now for the 2 and she transfers me what she believes is her amount? If there is an extra-curr event, I will pay my 50% and told her I will not ask her for anything with my oldest with me.

        I do not understand why she would think that false protection from a document with a mediator or lawyer will help our case her? You're not telling my 17/16 year old that they can only do this or that, they're almost adults now and certainly do not have to listen. Nothing has changed with my 14 year old, sadly who I hardly see, but obviously still try to remain connected with.

        Sorry for the rant but when the shoe is on the other foot, and only a little bit, it's a whole new experience. Sad!

        Comment


        • #5
          Never send text messages. Always put this shit into an email for documentation.

          Mediation wont help. At this point you will need to file paperwork to update support. You will also ask for income information. She will have to provide her last three years NOAs so she is up a creek with her attitude.

          Some people never get over it. You have to just move forward.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            Never send text messages. Always put this shit into an email for documentation.

            Mediation won�t help. At this point you will need to file paperwork to update support. You will also ask for income information. She will have to provide her last three years NOAs so she is up a creek with her attitude.

            Some people never get over it. You have to just move forward.
            Yeah, I have probably 1000 almost useless emails now and I have the copies of what I have sent already. Ideally, I just needed to push the convo to get started. I'm really not all that worried about going to court for the papers etc. just more about the principle of it all. So many years of best interest for the kids, what's important to them etc, just came down to always been trying to stick it to me. If it was about the kids, in this case the one with me, why get so aggressive near the end of support time?

            Worst case, if I get served court papers (why I would have no idea) I will simply represent myself. Thanks for your response, btw. I just prefer to keep it real and tell the other side of the story when it happens.

            Comment


            • #7
              People like your ex never see their faults or what they did wrong. They are simply bitter and will continue to be petty. My mother and father were both petty and obnoxious to each other and it was embarrassing. Imagine having to tell both your parents to grow the fuck up on your wedding day 25 years after they split. Three of my siblings had to do that. They still didnt get it. My father is still a petty asshole about my mom and he gets silence for a few months when he pulls that shit. Hes 85 so I cant change him but I can ignore him!

              My husband thought his ex would be done when they signed their updated settlement a few years ago. Nope. His ex is intent on keeping his kids hating him and they will say shit that makes zero sense but basically translates to mom hates you therefore we hate you. I keep reminding him living well is the best revenge so we do. Dont waste unnecessary energy on someone intent on sucking it from you. Get the paperwork done and move on.

              What is that proverb? Holding on to hate is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person will die. Let her be that person, you dont need to be!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                People like your ex never see their faults or what they did wrong. They are simply bitter and will continue to be petty. My mother and father were both petty and obnoxious to each other and it was embarrassing. Imagine having to tell both your parents to grow the fuck up on your wedding day 25 years after they split. Three of my siblings had to do that. They still didn�t get it. My father is still a petty asshole about my mom and he gets silence for a few months when he pulls that shit. He�s 85 so I can�t change him but I can ignore him!

                My husband thought his ex would be done when they signed their updated settlement a few years ago. Nope. His ex is intent on keeping his kids hating him and they will say shit that makes zero sense but basically translates to �mom hates you therefore we hate you�. I keep reminding him living well is the best revenge so we do. Don�t waste unnecessary energy on someone intent on sucking it from you. Get the paperwork done and move on.

                What is that proverb? Holding on to hate is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person will die. Let her be that person, you don�t need to be!
                Oh, 100% - my son choosing to live with my wife and I is all the internal confirmation that I need. The sooner I can have zero contact with her, the better and I am more than mature enough to be amicable as needed. I am sorry to hear about your parents, I know first hand how that isn't enjoyable!

                Ideally, I'm just not going to get sucked into a financial battle where the lawyers etc will use her emotions against her, and by her I mean me . I do live and love life and my kids see that. That's all that matters! Having good people, like yourself, sharing knowledge also helps keep others in check!!

                I'll continue to update as things progress but after 13 years I can see the light too bright now. I'm not getting sucked back into that shit! I've seen first hand on how judges act, and frankly from my experience, that's when it's all about the kids only, her & I don't matter, but when you're very reasonable normal logic prevails. I'll let her bury herself in the negative emotion!!

                Cheers to you

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                • #9
                  My husband told me this morning to make sure his bank account is set to stop the automatic payments to FRO when they are supposed to end early next year. We keep talking about going on a big trip to celebrate the end of his obligations.

                  Good luck to you and your kids!

                  Comment

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