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  • OCL disclosure and decision making

    Hi

    I just had my OCL disclosure meeting today ,and she recommended shared custody (2-2-5) parenting plan. Mum has been given final decision making say. I am concerned about her having final say, post separation 2019 to date she has unilaterally made decision, my way or the highway approach.The OCl used one text message as reference whereby mum asks me something we discussed already,and my response was that we already discussed this; I said this to avoid conflict over things already discussed.

    I strongly believe that we should have joint decision making, and in the event we disagree we use a parenting coordinator; a Judge in one of the case conferences refused to give her sole decision making because she marginalizes me, what are your thoughts?

  • #2
    Mum doesn’t have final decision making unless a judge orders it. A judge will carefully scrutinize an OCL or access report and will not necessarily come to the same conclusion that the OCL did. You have shared custody, therefor shared decision making should logically flow from that. Send her an offer to settle. If she does not accept then you go to court and fight for an order for shared decision making and request costs when you get it.

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    • #3
      Thank you, will continue the good fight,life shouldn't be so complicated,when people breakup then they should move on and put the interests of the child first

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      • #4
        The OCL only gives recommendations, and judge often times do not follow those recommendations, so if for whatever reasons judge tends to side with you, just enjoy the ride and try not to upset the judge.
        The best interest of child is unfortunately a myth. As soon big money are involved, that child becomes prisoner of war, and even if today you have shared living, it could change in the future - the table amount is a too big prize to skip.

        In some cases parent tries to alienate child from another parent without financial benefit, and then cries to the entire world that “other parent has abandoned poor child”. Regardless the reasons, child equally needs both parents to properly develop, but it doesn’t seem to be the court primary focus

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        • #5
          Small talker for the valuable insight into how the system works. All I just want is to be involved in my child's life,and decisions. I don't understand the rational behind she has the final say,if her mind is already made,she is just informing me just for the sake. I asked the OCL what if my opinions are never taken into consideration what should I do, and she told me to go back to court. I was under the impression that for changes to be made to a final order the onus is on me to prove a material change, does this even apply to my situation?

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          • #6
            Originally posted by guydeluxe2018 View Post
            Small talker for the valuable insight into how the system works. All I just want is to be involved in my child's life,and decisions. I don't understand the rational behind she has the final say,if her mind is already made,she is just informing me just for the sake. I asked the OCL what if my opinions are never taken into consideration what should I do, and she told me to go back to court. I was under the impression that for changes to be made to a final order the onus is on me to prove a material change, does this even apply to my situation?

            The problem though is having her follow an order or agreement. SmallTalker is a little harsh and probably speaking from experience but the concern is still there. My husband had joint decision making and his ex still made all decisions including ones that involved money prior to even advising him and when he pushed back she played the victim and involved the kids. Granted, his kids were teens at the time. Your son is still in elementary school correct? It may not be so bad.

            But to go back to your questionI wouldnt put too much weight in the OCL recommendations. If you have proof that she makes decisions without consultation, you can argue that effectively. The judge normally likes to read a third partys observation of the situation rather than taking their direction.

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            • #7
              Hi Rocksan,

              The mum has a history of unilaterally making decisions. She will bring an issue,and if I have a different opinion,she ignores me and makes her own decision. I raised the issued with a judge at case conference where she was asking for sole decision making powers and the Judge declined stating that it is not in the interest of the child because the mother is trying to marginalize the father and not allow him to play a role, even so after the judge's order, she continues to unilaterally make decisions if I disagree with her.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by guydeluxe2018 View Post
                I strongly believe that we should have joint decision making, and in the event we disagree we use a parenting coordinator; a Judge in one of the case conferences refused to give her sole decision making because she marginalizes me, what are your thoughts?
                The only difference if your order doesn't explicitly state it is the dispute resolution methodology. Ultimately, anyone can dispute anything, even a court order, because you can bring it back to court.

                The reason they put alternative dispute resolution is to get a more cost effective resolution to the problem.

                Take the OCL report's main points, put them into an offer to settle and include the dispute resolution methodology you would like. See what happens.

                This is NOT the hill to die on. YOu have 2-2-5-5.

                Unless... you have a child with significant special needs. Then, that becomes a different issue.

                See, residence of the children is PARAMOUNT. She can't make the decision to move. She is stuck in proximity to the kids school and residential and habitual jurisdiction.

                Healthy kids rarely go to the doctors. When their is an emergency the resident parent has to make the decisions. So... Why bother fighting with that clause when you can go straight to court if she is going to force you to use Essential Oils to "cure" a child.

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                • #9
                  I am very surprised by ocl and this is why I was told to avoid it, the person running the assessment comes in with their own beliefs and biases and it is hard to know the reputation of who you are getting.

                  The red flag for me is that if is true that there is unilateral decision making, withholding info or other gatekeeping tactics, why is it being rewarded. You inherently empower the trouble maker and validate their beliefs as the real parent.

                  Parenting coordinator makes way more sense if there are no major decisions pending

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Kkc View Post
                    I am very surprised by ocl and this is why I was told to avoid it, the person running the assessment comes in with their own beliefs and biases and it is hard to know the reputation of who you are getting.

                    The red flag for me is that if is true that there is unilateral decision making, withholding info or other gatekeeping tactics, why is it being rewarded. You inherently empower the trouble maker and validate their beliefs as the real parent.

                    Parenting coordinator makes way more sense if there are no major decisions pending
                    You would make a great champion, once your nightmare is over with the various clinical colleges, to incredibly reform Section 30 and OCL reviews. Until a MD stands up and tells their governing body that specific practice guidance and qualifications are needed... these crazy loons who pull in extra cash with crazed reports will continue.

                    Someone in the college needs to champion the change. Until then... Joe and Mary Public won't be able to do it.

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                    • #11
                      Point me in the direction of the feathers to ruffle

                      I think the difficulty is that alienation and all the tactics are not well understood.

                      I compare it to fibromyalgia..pain in the ass to treat people bc so many people claim they have it when in fact they do not. Those who truly have it respond exceptionally well to treatment.

                      I think a great first step is what child protective services do in Michigan. If a parent misbehaves their threshold for contacting the courts is low..where he their mandate turns into they know there are issues but can’t do anything about it.

                      Comment

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