Parenting time

[Islandmom]

Hi all,

Separated March 2021
Ex spouse moved out June 2021

I have carried on living the way I always did - and raising the kids the way I always did. It was quite sudden when he moved out.

4 kids

2 of the kids are 2/14
1 of the kids is 4/14
1(the eldest) is 1/14 or even 0/14 - I am making constant suggestions about how they could spend more time together - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s just in the last couple of months the eldest has reduced time saying that they just don’t want to go or they have a social event etc.

Occasionally my ex sends me a fairly aggressive email about how unhappy he is with the current parenting schedule and I always respond with openness to change it and ask him what he would like to do - but then he doesn’t respond.

We have now done just short of a year with this schedule. My parents help me a lot which I’m grateful for - but I am really tired sometimes.

I am only going to take 50/50 child support I don’t ever want parenting time to be about money. My ex does work hard and make a good living.

Any thoughts on all of this? I want to make sure I’m doing right by my kids.

[rockscan]

You didn’t mention the ages which could be a factor.

You can’t make someone be a parent but you can facilitate the time the kids spend with him. This includes your oldest. Have dad puck them up from whatever social event they have. Suggest a date. Have dad take them overnight/on weekends. It’s just as much his responsibility to work out a schedule. If he wants to see them, he can make an effort.

As for cs, it is the right of the child and if he doesnt have 50/50, you should be getting full table.

[Islandmom]

7 and 9 year old are 2/14
13 year old is 4/14
15 year old is 1 or 0.

I suggest all the time. The kids have the same schedule they’ve had for ages - my relationship with my 15 year old is so good due to the amount of time we’re in the car together. I have suggested he go pick that child up - but I think he’s done it 2x in a year.

I know - but he’s high income and the 50/50 is enough. I’m trying not to punish him for working.

[rockscan]

But you are being punished for him not making time? Ir rather the kids are being punished for him not making time?

There are dads on here who bend over backwards to see their kids. Dads who BEG to see them. Your ex can make the time to see them if he wanted to. Instead you have four kids who have full time needs that aren’t being met. There is a difference between being reasonable and being a pushover.

I guarantee that the moment you say you want full table support suddenly he will find the time. He has a perfect set up part time dad and part time supporter.

[Islandmom]

Am so being punished? I dont know - I work my ass off for my kids. The older two are straight A students and elite athletes. I do a lot to facilitate that success. A lot(my 4 year old vehicle has 190K km on it).

You’re right - if I suddenly made it about money he would probably make a move and my kids would be left alone, my oldest would be babysitting all the time and my littles would be in before and after school care and missing their activities and not practicing their cello.

I never want to force him but didn’t anticipate that he would be this absent. I’m just trying to make it easy at this point. Last weekend I sent the kids with a lasagna and a container of chopped veggies so he wouldn’t have to cook.

I don’t know this whole process just sucks.

[rockscan]

It does suck but asking for what is rightfully the kids’ money doesn’t make you bad. It makes him look like an absent parent.

You should get the process going for an agreement which includes parenting time and support. You are four years away from post secondary which will be another financial fight. Having it set out on paper will hrlp.

[pinkHouses]

No one here has a clue on the total money or lifestyle involved so giving life advice on it is silly.

Your ex makes a crazy good wage well above the 150K (or is it 350K) where protections are put in place.
You have a good lawyer as per your other posts, you should be telling us! : - )

50/50 just means you have to pay child support on your income or an imputed income. Your ex still pays you the same amount as they would if it was 100/0 but now you have to pay him as well. I do not know how the protections granted for his wage affect this.

CS is often not about the kids, it doesn't get spent on them it goes to the parent receiving it. Just an ugly fact.

The lawyers can be very creative, they just can't be so creative a judge won't sign off on the separation agreement or consent. You don't have to enforce an agreement either, just don't cheat yourself please.

You sending and the kids knowing you are sending the food over can be looked as you interfering with your exes parenting time unless they are asking. He will learn to manage

Your ex simply doesn't like the current situation and can't accept it because it is a difficult change. They don't have the solution they like so it will likely be up to you to come up with one so be informed and make offers. By the way your court order or agreement can say that changes to the parenting schedule can happen upon agreement. He gets 50/50 by default unless he is a screw up or doesn't want it, just guessing there.

Don't get caught up with cognitive dissonance others here can influence. Be smart and don't have a sense of right/wrong based on what some bitter views of people in a divorce forum may have. It feels like you are looking for that type of reinforcement.