What to do about misbehavior?

[pinkHouses]

General examples:
1. Instead of waiting in the car on the street for the children to go to them they keep coming to the door and knocking. They were asked before not to do this.

2. They pick up the kids early from school. The court order says they transition the kids from school so that is what they are doing but were asked not to do this. They keep doing it.

3. The kids are not returned on time.


Think Iona's high conflict ex.

If there is a final agreement and one party violates it or does something that is clearly not appropriate should a lawyer letter be sent?

When back in the court process should those letters be sent immediately or should the complaint be saved up for a case conference or trial?

I am not interested in solutions for those items and only want to know when it is appropriate or best to raise them to the exes lawyer or in court.

[blinkandimgone]

1 - have the children ready to go and watching so the other parent has no need to get out of the car and come to the door. This isn't worth the time or money of lawyers or court.

2 - if it's their pickup time, it's a non issue and there is no need to bring it up to them, lawyers or court.

3 - depends on how late the kids are returned and how often. If it's a few minutes here and there or even often, a simple reminder to the other parents to be respectful and punctual is all that's necessary. If it's hours late, or with no communication, and on a regular basis then it may be worth mentioning if it's a pattern. Simple solution is the parent whose time is beginning should be the one picking up the kids and then you don't need to worry about it.

The short answer is, none of this is lawyer or court worthy so the best time to raise them to lawyers or court is just not to. A better strategy is to promote solutions: "hey other parent, I've noticed that it seems to be a challenge to return the kids on time, to make things easier for everyone, let's each pick up the kids at the beginning of our parenting time."

[pinkHouses]

The short answer is, none of this is lawyer or court worthy so the best time to raise them to lawyers or court is just not to. A better strategy is to promote solutions: "hey other parent, I've noticed that it seems to be a challenge to return the kids on time, to make things easier for everyone, let's each pick up the kids at the beginning of our parenting time."

Thank you, it gives me an idea.
It is a pattern and I have been promoting solutions and they often follow that but intermittently they do what they want.

Imagine your ex showing up on your property early and coming into the backyard without you knowing it "oh, the gate was opened". No one wants to be surprised by running into their high-conflict ex. It has bad potential.

Before her lawyer would send letters that included accusations like "your client showed up at my clients door and so they had to run and hide" and "your client is trying to convince my client to go out and have dinner" just really stupid stuff. I don't want to call the police for a no trespass as that makes things even more high-conflict.

[blinkandimgone]

People can only reply based on what your post. What kind of rule of thumb are you looking for when these are all non issues?

You didn't mention anything about keeping the child from school, you said the ex picks the kids up from school early, and they transition from school. That is not at all similar to iona's post or situation.

[pinkHouses]

I keep it general to avoid the ex having a good time with my posts.
Ionas ex was keeping them from school because the exchange happened at the start of school. I figured picking them up early from school (hours) would effectively be the same thing.

I get it makes it difficult to get a definitive answer. Will I look bad for bringing it up to the other lawyer?

For single incidents I agree it is not an issue but persistent behavior that does not correct is. We already laid out these rules and they are supposed to be enforced by the fact a Parenting Counsellor wrote them as our order said the PC had final say) but I can't afford that PC to come back in and start billing me 1/2 of all the crazy/stupid things ex says and does. She is really out there.

[blinkandimgone]

Because the transitions happen at school, when you drop-off the kids in the morning, that is the end of your time. If the parent picks them up early it isn't infringing on your time at all.

This is different from ionas situation where the father was not dropping the kid off at school the end of his time and keeping the child home with him after his time had ended, which does infringe on her time.

[pinkHouses]

My time ends at then end of the school day (4pm) the court order states that and that exchanges are done at the end of the school day.

Iona's time starts at the start of school the court order states that and that exchanges are done when school starts.

In both cases the other parent is deciding when that start or stop time is.

[StillPaying]

When your ex cries out that they have evidence of your pettiness, you could hold up your petty proof. Why say you don't have money but then want to send ridiculous lawyer letters.

[pinkHouses]

When your ex cries out that they have evidence of your pettiness, you could hold up your petty proof. Why say you don't have money but then want to send ridiculous lawyer letters.

This is an inappropriate post. Please do not make silly assumptions.