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Is this enough for an emergency motion to suspend visits?

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  • Is this enough for an emergency motion to suspend visits?

    Father with full decision-making responsibility for 8 years currently (Daughter is 9).

    Mother only gets EOW.

    Daughter has recently been having nervous breakdowns (crying for hours, shaking etc). We have been asking why and she frequently tells us its because she doesn't feel loved by her mom, feels neglected, abused, and that her mom never listens to her. When I asked what she meant by felt neglected, she said that she feels she could walk out of the house and her mother wouldn't even notice her gone. While the above may seem trivial to most, its the impact it has been having on her that is my concern. This is also not an isolated incident and has been ongoing since September 2021 gradually getting worse and beginning directly after returning home from visits with her mother.

    When I asked my daughter how I could help her, she asked if I could arrange a sit down between her mother, her and myself so my daughter could explain herself in a "safe space". I asked her mother if she would be willing to do that and her mother said no.

    My daughter has also consistently told me she doesn't want to go to her mothers and has informed her counselor also. I know at 9 she doesn't have that say to make those decisions and its been difficult to try and talk her down before she needs to go, but I have been.

    My Daughter is currently in counseling at an Interval House and suggested my daughter write her mother a note outlining how she felt. I asked her mother if she'd be willing to pick it up after explaining what it was, and her mother said maybe depending how long she spends at the gym and how she feels afterward. I explained that to the counselor who referred me to Maltby and their Mental Health services and suggested I speak with my lawyer to suspend access saying if her mother wont take my daughter's words seriously and attempt to make her feel safe, then I can help my daughter by showing her that I will protect her by preventing her from being continuingly subjected to her mother. I also got a referral to a Psychiatrist through Maltby to help my daughter.

    The kicker is, her mother is currently seeking to have my daughter full time now and has been since September. Her motion to change only states some case law around how a mother should have maximal contact with their child. Also, the mother told my daughter that she was seeking to have her full time which has been causing these issues since September. We are waiting to see if the Office of the Children's Lawyer will accept our case and while we wait for that, there is no progress in the case (we have not even been given a date for a case conference).

    I am not a lawyer. I seriously cannot afford a lawyer right now. I am receiving assistance from my parents to help me pay bills right now because all of my paycheck goes to my daughter after her mother drained me dry. I am trying to find a place that will offer me a free 30 minute session for assistance, but have not received an answer yet. I have contacted CAS and spoke with a social worker who suggested not allowing the mother to see the children and deal with the contempt after. While the parent in me agrees with this, I don't think that is the right avenue to take. Additionally, my daughters counselor told me:

    "If you didn't send [my daughter] for his next visit: worst case scenario, Mom calls the police to enforce the order, if they show up and a child is refusing to go, they don't often force a child. If this can be on record, it could help you in court."

    Again, I don't feel that's appropriate based on the vast amount of information I have seen on this forum.

    I know I am not able to unilaterally stop access without an order from a Judge, but based on this, do I have enough to ask for a suspension of access so my daughter isn't required to go there anymore? If not, I understand as the bar is high, but if so, how can I word the motion and can I suspend it until her mother gets some sort of help through programs that are focused around her having a better relationship with my daughter?

    Or is this all an overreaction from my part as I am obviously the most biased individual involved?

    From reading the posts on here I know many people have been victim to false allegations which have resulted in loosing their children which is not what I am looking to do. I am just trying to help my daughter, but in a legal way because nothing else seems to be working for me.

    I understand I condensed a life story into a few paragraphs and important relevant information may be missing, so I will gladly provide that if needed.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Hide on Bush View Post
    Father with full decision-making responsibility for 8 years currently (Daughter is 9).

    My daughter has also consistently told me she doesn't want to go to her mothers and has informed her counselor also. I know at 9 she doesn't have that say to make those decisions and its been difficult to try and talk her down before she needs to go, but I have been.
    Correct, that is not a decision that your daughter can make.


    suggested I speak with my lawyer to suspend access saying if her mother wont take my daughter's words seriously and attempt to make her feel safe
    No, you don't get to unilaterally suspend access, you were given some terrible advice. If you think it is that important then get a court order.

    The kicker is, her mother is currently seeking to have my daughter full time now and has been since September. Her motion to change..
    Wait, you are going to court and your plan is to try out some contempt of court right before you go? Are you out of your mind?

    I am not a lawyer. I seriously cannot afford a lawyer right now.
    You probably do not need a lawyer. You already have the vast majority of the parenting time. Given the bias of family courts, the mom must be pretty terrible for that to happen. I don't see custody changing that easily.

    Of course, if you decide to keep the kid away from the mom during her court ordered parenting time, you are much more likely to need a lawyer.

    I have contacted CAS and spoke with a social worker who suggested not allowing the mother to see the children and deal with the contempt after.
    Sure, get the CAS worker to tell you that in writing.

    They won't, because that is insanely stupid advice.


    "If you didn't send [my daughter] for his next visit: worst case scenario, Mom calls the police to enforce the order, if they show up and a child is refusing to go, they don't often force a child. If this can be on record, it could help you in court."
    I think you must be misinterpreting what people are telling you, because there is no way that so many professionals can be so absurdly wrong. How is causing a confrontation with the police going to "help you in court"?

    I know I am not able to unilaterally stop access without an order from a Judge, but based on this, do I have enough to ask for a suspension of access so my daughter isn't required to go there anymore?
    Ok, we are back in normal land.

    What is your evidence? How do you intend to show that the daughter is being mistreated at her mother's house? I'm hoping you don't intend to use your daughter as a witness... because that never works. What actual evidence do you have?

    Is the therapist willing to testify in court? How about the CAS worker? If not, then your attempt is dead in the water.

    More importantly, is EOW with mom really that horribly damaging? Are you willing to spend thousands of dollars just to make sure that you fracture the relationship between your daughter and her mother?

    If not, I understand as the bar is high, but if so, how can I word the motion and can I suspend it until her mother gets some sort of help through programs that are focused around her having a better relationship with my daughter?
    I don't think the wording is the issue here. I think the problem is that you likely have a paucity of evidence.

    Or is this all an overreaction from my part as I am obviously the most biased individual involved?
    Probably.

    Comment


    • #3
      I actually have the CAS Social Worker essentially telling me to withhold my daughter as seen here (https://ibb.co/XJQfQKw). Obviously for anonymity I’ve blacked out identifying information but you can see the idea. Even so, the knowledge I’ve gained off of this forum is telling me that’s a horrible idea to do so I’m not going to.

      I know the burden of proof is on me for this. I have her counsellor and now her family doctor referring her to a psychiatrist. Obviously that means nothing in the grand scheme of things as the psychiatrist is the main factor in what they find.

      CAS informed me today they were going to speak to the mother tomorrow and would let me know the results so I guess that is good.

      What would be the best supporting evidence for a motion to suspend access in this case? Strictly the psychiatrist assessment which obviously takes time? Or would the CAS social workers recommendations (if any), her counsellor, and the family doctor have the impact required?

      Or again am I blowing this out of proportion? It’s hard because while I want to remain unbiased, it’s unrealistic to think that will actually happen.

      Comment


      • #4
        Is this enough for an emergency motion to suspend visits?

        I wouldn’t be taking the words of people (CAS) who have never argued this type of case before a judge. They are only experts and a stretch at that.

        I also have a feeling that your stress is permeating your life and impacting this as well. Kids are pretty good at sensing stress. If this matter has been going on since the fall then it is likely your child knows something is going on and is pulling stress from it. Even if she is uncomfortable at mom’s, this has gone a lot farther which makes me wonder if you have inadvertently included her to escalate it to this. You are worried, have limited funds for a lawyer and have a lot of anxiety. Kids sense these things.

        You need to take a breath and remind yourself this is your child’s mother. Nothing has been decided yet and until then its best to keep her calm. Your ex can file whatever she wants, it doesn’t mean she will win. Get your daughter into her therapy and keep reminding her her mom loves her, she just has a funny way of showing it.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Hide on Bush View Post
          I actually have the CAS Social Worker essentially telling me to withhold my daughter as seen here (https://ibb.co/XJQfQKw). Obviously for anonymity I’ve blacked out identifying information but you can see the idea. Even so, the knowledge I’ve gained off of this forum is telling me that’s a horrible idea to do so I’m not going to.
          I get it you won't do this. GOOD!
          First off the cops need the court order to say they are to enforce it.
          The judge will tear you a new one if you go against the current access order.


          That CAS worker : they need correcting by their workplace, they are making things worse every time Family Court is involved.
          Ask them: "I was told I can't go against the court order, will you go to court for my daughter?" Either they do or they don't but they will start to learn what they did wrong.

          Your ex is not getting your daughter full-time unless you do something really off. Drugs, DUI ect they can hurt you.
          Your ex has no compelling case to change the current status quo and you will get those professionals to put in writing what their opinion is regarding her relationship to you and her mother.

          Your daughter will have to grow up a bit fast but courts allow this. You have to support her and it is EOW, they can endure for that; she may not have to go EOW when the final order is done.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            I wouldn�t be taking the words of people (CAS) who have never argued this type of case before a judge. They are only experts and a stretch at that.

            I also have a feeling that your stress is permeating your life and impacting this as well. Kids are pretty good at sensing stress. If this matter has been going on since the fall then it is likely your child knows something is going on and is pulling stress from it. Even if she is uncomfortable at mom�s, this has gone a lot farther which makes me wonder if you have inadvertently included her to escalate it to this. You are worried, have limited funds for a lawyer and have a lot of anxiety. Kids sense these things.

            You need to take a breath and remind yourself this is your child�s mother. Nothing has been decided yet and until then its best to keep her calm. Your ex can file whatever she wants, it doesn�t mean she will win. Get your daughter into her therapy and keep reminding her her mom loves her, she just has a funny way of showing it.
            You are probably right in this. It has been so stressful and I try and put on a happy face when I get served paperwork in front of my daughter, but I know there is somethings that I just can’t hide. I hope the help my daughter is receiving and will be receiving will be beneficial in giving her the tools to try and have as good of a relationship with her mom as possible. As much as I dislike her mother, I’d much rather see my daughter smile and have time with her mom than upset and no time with her mom.

            I truly appreciate all of the help provided so thank you all for that.

            Comment

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