No idea how to disprove this claim… OCL? Affidavits?

[Hide on Bush]

I’ve posted a lot here recently but to summarize it all up…

- Son is 10 in Feb
- Ex has never had decision-making responsibility
- Ex has never had more than alternate weekends and Wednesday’s for two hours
- Son had always lived with me
- Ex makes $171,000. I make $26,000
- Extremely high conflict relationship between me and ex and son with ex. Son just recently told his school counsellor that his father was emotionally abusing him prompting a call to CAS.


Ex put in a motion to change seeking:

- split decision-making responsibility
- majority parenting-time with me only having alternate weekends and Wednesday’s for two hours
- have son live with him
- have CS be based on where the child lives and not the table amount

Ex’s sole material change as stated on his motion was claiming my Son doesn’t live with me and that he spends the majority of his time at his grandparents place. Ex is backing that statement up by saying my son goes to school near my grandparents place and plays hockey near them.

I use my grandparents as before and after school care due to me and my husband working full time jobs.

I have no idea how to prove this and I fought to get an Order for OCL to be involved and have an assessment done prior to a CC, but I feel like this will be a he said/she said and have no idea how to prove otherwise.

There is much more information regarding this matter but if my Son lived with his father and got to make decisions for him, my son would have a terrible life. According to my Son, after he told his counsellor about the abuse, the counsellor called the father who blamed my son. This prompted the call to CAS.

The father has frequently called my son an idiot, moron, and an asshole. Has prevented my son from calling me as a form of punishment. Was reported a few months ago for physically abusing his dog in front of my son, has thrown objects at my son etc.

Anyways, I digress from the point. How can I prove at court that my son lives with me? I had submitted an Affidavit from my mother who is the daycare provider which states that my son doesn’t live there, but I don’t feel like that’s enough.

[standing on the sidelines]

It's up to your ex to prove his allegations...all you have to say is that you disagree and the child is just there for before and after school care.

[Stillbreathing]

Agree with standing on the Sidelines. It’s your ex’s allegations, therefor his to prove. He has a high bar to climb. Deny the allegations and you could also add that you will be seeking costs . Judges weren’t born yesterday. They see mud slinging all the time. Without concrete, solid evidence your ex may as well be accusing you of living on Mars while your son lives on the moon. He is not going to get anywhere.

[LMum]

You son is allowed to spend time with your parents when he's is your care. OCL determined that my adult daughter and her finance were "very important people" to my 12 year old son. He spends every Friday night with them during my weekend (I currently have most parenting time) plus other additional times. OCL will never have an issue with your child spending time with his "very important people" during your time.

[pinkHouses]

It's up to your ex to prove his allegations...all you have to say is that you disagree and the child is just there for before and after school care.

Perhaps your ex simply wants more time but they are not using their words like non-children do. Your explanation sounds valid.

You don't have to say anything, you can simply deny the allegation a letter from your parents may help.

Judge's were not born yesterday. Here is my question:
Where does your child live according to the school board?

[StillPaying]

I don't see this going bad for you, but a few points of concern:
- you are supposed to promote ex's relationship with child
- young child continuously makes allegations
- you work full time but make less than minimum wage
- cs is based on where child lives, and guidelines
- there is enough drama going on that a material change is almost certain
- I agree with others. Instead of proving it, think what ex will use as proof and just address that

[Tayken]

I don't see this going bad for you, but a few points of concern:
1 you are supposed to promote ex's relationship with child
2 young child continuously makes allegations
3 you work full time but make less than minimum wage
4 cs is based on where child lives, and guidelines
5 there is enough drama going on that a material change is almost certain
6 I agree with others. Instead of proving it, think what ex will use as proof and just address that

Good points above. I numbered them to tag on additional content.

With regards to #1:

If how you write on this forum is how you communicate to the court and the CAS you will have some issues. Remember, you are dealing with a parent who makes 175,000+ and I suspect is highly educated. How "you" see them as a parent may not be how others see them, the OCL or the court. Tread lightly on how you throw mud. They have enough income to hire a ghost writer to respond to everything you write etc...

With regards to #2:

The court will be suspicious. A child of 10 years doesn't know what "emotional abuse" is and it would require significant maturity or coaching (bad) for them to talk at this level. CAS and OCL and courts are VERY GOOD at identifying children who are being influenced at this age. Remember, with OCL and court you are also under the microscope too. Despite how you "feel" you are as a parent, remember you are also in court being evaluated equally based on what you present as "evidence".

With regards to #3:

It is a very good observation. You will have to explain how you work "full time" and make "less than" minimum wage. As well, you need to truly understand how income discrepancies like this can play out in court and how a truly negatively educated parent can use their wealth to easily manipulate a child... with money.

With regards to #6: GRANDPARENTS

It is quite easy to prove that the child is spending over-nights with grandparents. With someone with 175,000 or whatnot in income hiring a PI to watch and log residential time with GRANDPARENTS is easy and its a 3rd party who will attest to the truth of the facts.

As well, the other party can ask the court to make a negative inference if you don't call the GRANDPARENTS to testify counter to the claims. Remember, its on the balance of probabilities not "beyond reasonable doubt".

So be prepared to either NOT use your parents as child care for over nights (if you are) or to call them to testify that they are not providing over-night care etc... The other parent is not just fishing... They are setting you up. Most posters on this site don't' see the patterns of a very well executed family law dispute with a barrister (trial lawyer) driving.

Witness drawing is common pattern... Draw in your parents, make them testify on your behalf and put them in a position where the other party can cross examine them and ask all sorts of painful and hard questions that could demonstrate you are lying.

There are excellent reasons and strategies as to why your parents as caregivers are being raised. He can, on the balance, raise all sorts of facts, but, if you don't address them, call your parents as a witness, the other side will indeed seek the court to take a negative inference to their absence.

As well, your parents have a biased position in your favour. You need to talk to a real barrister (not some crappy family law lawyer) or anyone on this forum about your situation. Hire a real lawyer to represent you.

[Tayken]

You son is allowed to spend time with your parents when he's is your care. OCL determined that my adult daughter and her finance were "very important people" to my 12 year old son. He spends every Friday night with them during my weekend (I currently have most parenting time) plus other additional times. OCL will never have an issue with your child spending time with his "very important people" during your time.

Don't mix "child care" with "visits". OCL will not be supportive of significant amounts of over-nights that are residential in nature and not "visits".

[Tayken]

Agree with standing on the Sidelines. It’s your ex’s allegations, therefor his to prove. He has a high bar to climb.

It is actually quite low and not his to prove. He has present the "facts". It is the OP's responsibility to (a) deny the allegation and (b) provide supporting evidence counter to the other party's "facts".

I see it all the time. Grandparents mess things up big time for parents all the time. We are dealing with a child who is making allegations of abuse... So every person the child has contact with will become a target of the "influencer" to that behaviour.

The other party in this matter is no doubt going to weave evidence that the child spending so much time with Grandparents... the grandparents could be the people influencing the child.

Happens a lot in family law. Often grandparents fight harder than parents. Grandparents usually have limited access to grandchildren. Divorce further divides that time. Grandparents often have money and fund legal motives and are often at times, the single worst influencer of children. They are fighting for their access to the child too. For a grandparent that has grandchildren in a 50-50 residency schedule... their access to the child is SIGNIFICANTLY impacted... When they can see a child... how often... changes big time. So they often fight tooth and nail...

Grandparents are the #1 ghost writers of parent's affidavits. I can root out a grandparent ghost written affidavit out in a single pass read now.

Deny the allegations and you could also add that you will be seeking costs. Judges weren’t born yesterday. They see mud slinging all the time. Without concrete, solid evidence your ex may as well be accusing you of living on Mars while your son lives on the moon. He is not going to get anywhere.

Same could be said about allegations of abuse that are being leveled by this poster on this thread. Just because the child and she claims "abuse" doesn't mean that there is abuse. Remember, both parties are under the microscope.

The court is investigating the whole of the situation... they have no side. Judges can weed out all the mud thrown by both sides. That is why its important to throw EVIDENCE and not "facts".

Suffice to say... This poster is dealing with a parent who has access to funds... which means access to legal consultants and counsel... they can play the long game.

[Hide on Bush]

Judge's were not born yesterday. Here is my question:
Where does your child live according to the school board?

With me and not my parents

[Hide on Bush]

Good points above. I numbered them to tag on additional content.

With regards to #1:

If how you write on this forum is how you communicate to the court and the CAS you will have some issues. Remember, you are dealing with a parent who makes 175,000+ and I suspect is highly educated. How "you" see them as a parent may not be how others see them, the OCL or the court. Tread lightly on how you throw mud. They have enough income to hire a ghost writer to respond to everything you write etc...

With regards to #2:

The court will be suspicious. A child of 10 years doesn't know what "emotional abuse" is and it would require significant maturity or coaching (bad) for them to talk at this level. CAS and OCL and courts are VERY GOOD at identifying children who are being influenced at this age. Remember, with OCL and court you are also under the microscope too. Despite how you "feel" you are as a parent, remember you are also in court being evaluated equally based on what you present as "evidence".

With regards to #3:

It is a very good observation. You will have to explain how you work "full time" and make "less than" minimum wage. As well, you need to truly understand how income discrepancies like this can play out in court and how a truly negatively educated parent can use their wealth to easily manipulate a child... with money.

With regards to #6: GRANDPARENTS

It is quite easy to prove that the child is spending over-nights with grandparents. With someone with 175,000 or whatnot in income hiring a PI to watch and log residential time with GRANDPARENTS is easy and its a 3rd party who will attest to the truth of the facts.

As well, the other party can ask the court to make a negative inference if you don't call the GRANDPARENTS to testify counter to the claims. Remember, its on the balance of probabilities not "beyond reasonable doubt".

So be prepared to either NOT use your parents as child care for over nights (if you are) or to call them to testify that they are not providing over-night care etc... The other parent is not just fishing... They are setting you up. Most posters on this site don't' see the patterns of a very well executed family law dispute with a barrister (trial lawyer) driving.

Witness drawing is common pattern... Draw in your parents, make them testify on your behalf and put them in a position where the other party can cross examine them and ask all sorts of painful and hard questions that could demonstrate you are lying.

There are excellent reasons and strategies as to why your parents as caregivers are being raised. He can, on the balance, raise all sorts of facts, but, if you don't address them, call your parents as a witness, the other side will indeed seek the court to take a negative inference to their absence.

As well, your parents have a biased position in your favour. You need to talk to a real barrister (not some crappy family law lawyer) or anyone on this forum about your situation. Hire a real lawyer to represent you.

Ex is not highly educated at all. He was in the infantry for 12 years and never left the country. He retired and is claiming disability benefits, receiving his pension and has a trust from his mom.

My son was taught forums of abuse at school and when CAS got involved in the past when the teacher called after my son told them his father beat his dog CAS education him on different types of abuse.

My ex doesn’t have the money it seems. He is living with his mom and has made recent claims trying to lower CS so he could afford a mortgage. He is in massive debt. Last financial disclosure showed he had like $2k in the bank. His lawyer also has mediocre reviews on google and is by far top notch.

I will absolutely call on my parents to testify.

[Hide on Bush]

That is why its important to throw EVIDENCE and not "facts".

What evidence would prove my son lives with me out of testimony from my parents saying as such?

Even if my ex did hire a PI it wouldn’t change anything because my son was there for before and after care with the occasional overnight visit. Additionally my daughter (with my husband) is also spending the exact same time so he is technically inferring me and my husband don’t have either of the children…

[Stillbreathing]

A photo of your child’s school and any sports registration that has his/her name and address on it. Your family doctor’s office might be able to print something with his name, address and OHIP number. If your child has ever been to the hospital then they get a card made up with their name, address and phone number. You could possibly also get sworn affidavits from your friends that your son lives at x address with you.

[Hide on Bush]

I have provided all of the above but my ex’s lawyer is just stating “all that proves is the address on those documents is with [me]. Those don’t prove [my son] lives with [me]”

[StillPaying]

It'll all come down to ex's evidence. Everything you mentioned would be worthless with one affidavit from a PI. OP does not come off well, and assuming ex does make $171k, a PI is almost certain - with a 2 year head start. In that case, a lawyer wouldn't be asking you questions to find answers! and everything sent to them is just digging a bigger hole. Alternatively, ex has nothing and is just wasting everyone's time.