Change of location

[Kevin12345]

My ex wife recently moved and changed the schooling for all of our kids without any warning and notified last minute just now couple weeks before school. We have sent quite a few letters asking what she would do with the kids but no reply until now. This move is to a different city. We have been separated under a year with nothing started yet in court. Case conference in couple months. I believe she’s taking advantage of covid maybe cause the courts are backed up and no urgent motion can be done?

What are my options or any advice? Our lawyer is not being helpful and is saying the courts are backed up. I’ve been with this lawyer a year and it seems too late to change. The ex has had the kids for the year mainly controlling the access against my will giving minimal access. However due to covid the school was the same in our original city as it was online.

[arbortrail22]

How often do you have the kids?

We received approval for an emergency motion in less than 2 business days this month.

[Tayken]

My ex wife recently moved and changed the schooling for all of our kids without any warning and notified last minute just now couple weeks before school. We have sent quite a few letters asking what she would do with the kids but no reply until now. This move is to a different city. We have been separated under a year with nothing started yet in court. Case conference in couple months. I believe she’s taking advantage of covid maybe cause the courts are backed up and no urgent motion can be done?

What are my options or any advice? Our lawyer is not being helpful and is saying the courts are backed up. I’ve been with this lawyer a year and it seems too late to change. The ex has had the kids for the year mainly controlling the access against my will giving minimal access. However due to covid the school was the same in our original city as it was online.

Immediately file and emergency motion for the return of the children to their school. You need a mobility expert as a lawyer. If they have never done a mobility case then get a lawyer who has.

Search my posts. I have main threads exclusively on the wrangling of schools and mobility. The odds are in your favor if you act swiftly and put forward an emergency motion. But, you are going to need a qualified lawyer who knows what they are doing.

[Kevin12345]

Thanks guys. Waiting on principal of the newer school to get back to me as they said they wouldn’t let it go through. If they confirm I won’t file a motion.

Have kids standard low ball play of eow and one day. They have been splitting vacation holidays evenly though which doesn’t make sense why I couldn’t get 50 50 for other times. Will post update after. Thx again.

[Tayken]

Thanks guys. Waiting on principal of the newer school to get back to me as they said they wouldn’t let it go through. If they confirm I won’t file a motion.

The school technically should not accept the transfer without your consent. Good that the principal realizes this and is following the process.

Have kids standard low ball play of eow and one day. They have been splitting vacation holidays evenly though which doesn’t make sense why I couldn’t get 50 50 for other times. Will post update after. Thx again.

Any lawyer worth their weight would have not allowed you to consent to EOW and pressed for 50-50 and then brought an application if the other party wasn't willing to settle on 50-50. Unless you are a monster of a parent 50-50 is easily awarded by the courts these days.

[arbortrail22]

How far away is the school from your current home? Can you leverage the school change in exchange for 50/50?

[Kevin12345]

It’s about 40 min away or more during rush hour. I doubt I could get 50 50 to work without moving. Just waiting for principal to reply then go from there. I don’t have much else going for me.

[arbortrail22]

If you haven't already, I would have your lawyer send a letter saying that you will fill an emergency motion regarding the change of school and that you will seek all costs related to this motion. That should put her in her place a bit. Spend the money now on the motion otherwise you will be fighting the secondary consequences for years.

This happened to a friend of mine. The new school became status quo and then he couldn't get the kids out of the school. Had to move to the new town as the mother or would lose 50/50 access since the daily school commute was too long. Its step one in you not getting 50/50.

[Alpinist]

100 percent what arbortrail wrote. I was in this scenario with my partners step children. My partner did not act quick enough and ended up with every other weekend custody with the ex in another city. What age are the children? I think a lot depends on their age. I would fight hard and act quickly. I would get a new lawyer if your current one doesn't understand the urgency, mobility lawyer as was mentioned.

[Kevin12345]

So the new schools principal denied their registration as it should be. What would happen if I keep the kids at my place now since school would be here and she has no option to take care of the kids? Anyone have experience in this situation? I’d keep them here for school and then send an offer for 50/50 access. Would the cops be involved? Is there anything in the new legislation mentioning a de facto custody due to having them for a year? Any advice appreciated as my lawyer is just agreeing to it.

[Tayken]

So the new schools principal denied their registration as it should be. What would happen if I keep the kids at my place now since school would be here and she has no option to take care of the kids? Anyone have experience in this situation? I’d keep them here for school and then send an offer for 50/50 access. Would the cops be involved? Is there anything in the new legislation mentioning a de facto custody due to having them for a year? Any advice appreciated as my lawyer is just agreeing to it.

If you have a custody and access agreement or order you still have to follow it. The other parent needs to get their stuff sorted out. Keep your nose clean of their parenting time. If you deviate from the agreement or order you will find yourself with a contempt motion which is quasi-criminal proceeding. You will loose a contempt motion if you deviate from the existing agreement or order without first going to court to petition to have it change or have the other parent consent to a new agreement.

Do not take custody and access matters into your own hands.

[Stillbreathing]

Brampton 33 both yourself and Tayken are correct. Tayken is correct in that you should still follow the order if it’s the only one you have. You should try at all times to be the party who comes to court with “clean hands “. If not you run the risk of being found in contempt, or at the very least to be acting in bad faith or coming to court with unclean hands.

Brampton 33 is correct that the bar is especially high for a judge to actually make a finding of contempt. This usually comes about by a pattern of lengthy and repeated transgressions. In other words, the party who does not follow court orders can appear to be able to get away with it for awhile before there are any consequences. The judge is slow to impose these consequences as they feel that doing so can escalate the conflict between the parties, who are expected to suddenly be civil with each other once the litigation is over. The judge’s reasoning comes from a place of good intentions but the saying “good intentions line the road to hell” sometimes rings true.

It is frustrating to witness another party get away with repeatedly breaching an order and seeming to suffer no consequences but does that mean you have to stoop to their level and withhold access? You might want to raise the bar where your own behaviour is concerned instead of lowering it to their level. If your children’s lives are in imminent danger or there is a risk of the other party absconding with the kids then by all means withhold access and file an emergency motion. If not, the court has other remedies to assist you but they require you to follow a specific process.

It’s your choice if you want to follow the high road or not.

[StillPaying]

We have been separated under a year with nothing started yet in court. ...
The ex has had the kids for the year mainly controlling the access against my will giving minimal access.

There's no order or agreement, but status quo is definitely against you. Your best bet immediately is to come to a new agreement with your ex. If it can't be done to your desire, then you need to go to court right away as these delays, and the current status, only continues to hurt your case.

[Kevin12345]

I’ve asked for mediation and other things but everything I’ve asked for has been ignored. She’s moved to another city even when I said no, tried to switch schools, ask to pay for daycare even though I can and have taken care of the kid in the past so there’s no chance of an agreement besides me getting the eow screw job. Case conference isn’t for few months so I’ve been told that no motions will get through unless the kids safety is at risk. Family law needs serious reform. Just a joke and charade for everyone and the kids suffer the most. Hard to trust lawyers as well. The pandemic has only worsened everything with everyone trying to take advantage of it. Aside from the rant, I hope things work for the kids in the end.

Can I change the status quo if I have a legit reason ie school?

[StillPaying]

When my ex took off with the kids, an emergency motion quickly brought the kids back. The system is wonderful when you use it. But you have some strong feelings towards something you've never tried.

You have a lot more than just school as reasons. Don't give in if you don't want to. The system works, including more than just court. Study Taykens posts, and hopefully you'll get some Januswisdom input - maybe stealing back stolen kids isn't so bad?!