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Cash Offer -- to buy the kids

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  • Cash Offer -- to buy the kids

    Yup, you read that right. My ex sent me a "Without Prejudice" offer to take our kids "off my hands" for 10K!

    I have been making posts and comments for about a year now of his intentions to remove our twins from my care. And here it is. I have to admit, I don't react well to this stuff when I initially receive these types of messages. I have skimmed the message only. I had to close it and will look at it in full tomorrow. We use Our Family Wizard and have downloaded it and fired it off to my lawyer.

    What I saw from the skimming was absolving me of ever paying child support (I know that's impossible), am absolved from the repaying the money he thinks I owe him, absolved from post secondary costs, and other things like that. He claims our twins have never wanted me as their mom and want to live with him permanently. It's quite a long document. I did have my father read it and, knowing he is prejuduced for me, he did say the whole thing is quite threatening. Again, I will read it in full tomorrow.

    The lawyers put mediation on the table last week. Even though I knew he would not, I made an appointment with the suggested mmediator anyway. I have cancelled that appointment but have to wonder if his lawyer knows what he is up to. Will find out soon enough.

    I hope I picked the right category for this pist. I feel its more a vent than asking for help but any and all responses welcome.

  • #2
    That’s obviously not a realistic offer and to add a bit of humour… when they are teens he’ll be begging and paying you to take them back.

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    • #3
      Totally agree. But I know there has been some heavy influencing going on. Just have to put my best foot forward as we head into that black whole that us family law.

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      • #4
        Iím surprised our family wizard didnít edit the email since it is supposed to modify language? Regardless, your ex is so stupid for putting that in writing. Hope he likes a court filing asking requesting full custody to you and supervised access for him.

        Just breathe. If anything he has now shot himself in the foot by offering to buy the kids from you. Let your lawyer take the lead and get a court action filed immediately. Iím sure he is going to get blasted by his lawyer. My husbandís lawyer used to give him trouble when he would either do something stupid (only happened once) or thought of doing something stupid.

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        • #5
          I'm so incredibly sorry you had to receive such a ridiculous and hurtful offer, and confirmation that your ex is putting all this shit in the kids' heads.

          Do you have a support system when things get going? family? friends? therapy?

          I have no advice- it sounds like you have things under control.

          But also- wtf. 10k? he thinks his kids are only worth 10k?

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          • #6
            Put my big girl panties on this morning and read the damn thing.

            Our current arrangement is week on week off, 1 week me 2 weeks him summer holidays, and usual division of stats. I live in Ontario, he lives in Quebec. I have school and health final decision making. He has religion and extracurricular.

            The offer:

            Primary residence with him

            Letting me off the hook from child support, S7, and post secondary costs. Totaled everything up for a grand total of $~200k savings for me, i.e. he's "giving" me that money in his mind

            Cash payout of 10K

            Continued full cs to me for one year ~$15k upon signing

            Access every 2nd weekend Saturday am to Sunday at 7pm

            3 weeks summer holidays for him, one week me, rotation

            Yearly holidays to remain the same

            First year in QC attend an English public school. Going forward private school

            Dr and dentist lined up who are "anxiously waiting to meet them"

            Open dialogue with me re important decisions

            He will continue, as he always does, to promote a good relationship between the boys and I

            The boys have been and always will be everything to him

            Deadline to accept, without consulting my lawyer, July 5th


            The bs scattered throughout:

            Boys have never wanted to live with me

            Boys don't want me as their mom

            If I don't agree, just proves I don't love them

            Will haul me into court and demand a VOC report

            If VOC doesn't work, he will "continue to hammer away at a very regular interval" until he gets "what the children want"

            If I don't agree, all of the above will be taken off the table, never to be seen again

            He "wants to line up the boys with all things possible with hopes of their realizing full, potential, bright futures and a great life"

            Both my lawyer and I are to stop playing games and causing delays

            Feels this offer is very beneficial to all, on many levels

            I must officially reject his offer and when doing so, give consent for him to start the VOC


            That's it in a nutshell. I seriously cannot make this shit up! The man is insane.

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            • #7
              Ok... Kisno can chime in and correct me.

              But, that is the kind of "offer" that I would take the risk of and attaching to an affidavit as evidence in contravention of the rules. Just saying. Its magical nonsense that you would want stricken from the record which really is a HUGE underline for all judges to read the nonsense. LOL

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              • #8
                Like I said, he was stupid to write it down.

                Waiving cs and expenses is no go. He could still come back and file for them in the future with a judicial lecture to you.

                I love the part about how rejecting the offer means you donít care about the kids. What an asshole.

                Iona was right, he thinks theyíre only worth ten grand? I hope you get to send a response that includes ďour children are priceless and I would NEVER even THINK of offering to pay you to keep them. Iím sure a judge would be equally as flabbergasted. See you in court.Ē

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                • #9
                  Yup, I know cs, S7, and post secondary cannot be waived. He obviously does not. Or thinks I don't so he can come back at me later.

                  Would I be able to use this at some point? I was fairly certain it should not be attached to an affidavit.

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                  • #10
                    I don't think I mentioned this was an informal offer, not an official one. Dies tgat have any bearing? Or is an offer an offer and should not be attached to an affidavit?

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                    • #11
                      I don't understand all the kerfuffle here. Mothers make these ridiculous offers to fathers all the time ("give me custody and you won't have to pay child support"). Nothing bad ever seems to happen to them.

                      I just do not see how this offer hurts the father here. All I get from it is that he wants the kids, is presumably not doing it for the money, and that he thinks the ex is a terrible parent. So... pretty much standard for most divorcing parents.

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                      • #12
                        I see alienation, scare and intimidation tactics at the very least. He is trying to convince himself, his children and possibly a judge of his exceptional parenting skills however it comes across as the opposite.

                        What he has provided you with is gold. How you react next is crucial. Take your time, and consider the best approach in responding, you have the upper hand now.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          I don't understand all the kerfuffle here. Mothers make these ridiculous offers to fathers all the time ("give me custody and you won't have to pay child support"). Nothing bad ever seems to happen to them.

                          I just do not see how this offer hurts the father here. All I get from it is that he wants the kids, is presumably not doing it for the money, and that he thinks the ex is a terrible parent. So... pretty much standard for most divorcing parents.

                          Because in those cases the dad either agrees or doesnít push too hard so it never sees the light of day. Not to mention it may not always be in writing like this. Or it doesnít involve offering to pay ten grand to give up the kids in addition to all the rest.

                          I would still be ticked if it was a mom. Kids need both their parents and selling the rights to them is pretty low.

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                          • #14
                            There is a bit more going on in the background but it sounds like each parent is fearful of telling the other what they want or one is simply difficult.

                            I don't know the mother that posted this or the father that made the offer. I don't know if the kids are better off with just one parent or both. The standards for being a parent are low. Pop Tarts for breakfast, Nutella every day for lunch, MacDonalds for every dinner and overfeeding your children is "acceptable".


                            He didn't offer to sell the kids but I think the offer is disingenuous as child support can't be waived and he is telling her the kids do not like her.

                            The kids will decide when they decide....

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                            • #15
                              He's high conflict and prefers to use the system instead of attempting to mediate. It was his lawyer who suggested we try mediation, I agreed (immediately made an appointment with the agreed upon mediator), and then received this ridiculous document. He wants me to go from established week on week off to approx 36 hours a month.

                              My lawyer told me to ignore the damn thing, with its deadline to accept today. She confirmed it is considered informal and, while not the best course of action, either one of us could attach it to any potential upcoming affidavits. She also reminded me that our current Minutes of Settlement, are just that, MOS; we don't have a court order. The MOS are dated Oct 2019. Both sides had issues with it and then we got caught in Covid. She says this needs to be addressed first before he can bring another motion.

                              The big issue here is heavy influencing and a parent who simply does not want the other in their children's lives. However, I am doing my best to rest easy that essentially nothing will happen this summer and to just enjoy it.

                              Comment

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