Mother has rejected 14 year old daughter

[Tayken]

I believe it affects passport applications and passport possession. The mother's signature is required on the passport application until the child is 16 if custody is joint. After she turns 16, the child can apply for her own passport.

In the original poster's case, I'm guessing the passport application may be relevant between the time the pandemic dies down and daughter's 16th birthday.

Right now D14 is legally permitted to, say, undergo a sex change operation without consent of one of the joint guardians, but she may not apply for a passport.

You can sever the issue of passport nonsense from sole custody. No one will ever win "sole custody" on a passport issue. Ultimately, in the pandemic no one was traveling, passports are not needed and it could be years before people start to "leisure travel" again.

Travel is not important enough to fight over. Canada is a huge place, lots of places to go and see. Travel is the fight for rich people. 95% of separated parents have no money and can't travel.

Also if you fight over a passport in court the only people traveling are the lawyers because they will suck both parents dry.

[Tayken]

Fair enough. My comments are therefore applicable to all those who are hellbent about spending thousands upon thousands to obtain sole custody (of children <14) without understanding what sole custody really offers. Most often, parents are hellbent on obtaining sole custody in a possessive nature and as a mere means to retaliate against the other parent.

In 98.324% of the cases the "sole custody" request is exactly that. As well, in many cases, even clinicians and other professionals won't move forward with anything unless both parents agree despite a court order. Their professional practice requirements and ethical obligations are primary to their duty of care not a court order for "sole custody".

[CoolGuy41]

So, really what does "sole custody" mean after the age of 14. NOTHING.

I believe it affects passport applications and passport possession. The mother's signature is required on the passport application until the child is 16 if custody is joint. After she turns 16, the child can apply for her own passport.

In the original poster's case, I'm guessing the passport application may be relevant between the time the pandemic dies down and daughter's 16th birthday.

Right now D14 is legally permitted to, say, undergo a sex change operation without consent of one of the joint guardians, but she may not apply for a passport.

[rockscan]

Um... All these words are great and all but...

Child is &gt;14.

Child can doctor and remove consent from one or both parents to make inquiries about their health and well being. As well, they can do this with the school but, it takes a little bit of understanding that they have the legal right to do this with the school. Medical professionals are VERY aware of this. In fact, "age" doesn't matter for most of this and is up to the professional to determine if the "child" has the mental capacity to make this determination.

So, really what does "sole custody" mean after the age of 14. NOTHING. Cops can't enforce residential agreements. Why bother with legal "stuff" when the kid can simply do it themselves.

Ugh... After 14 its not worth going to court over.

This

But I think it also has to do with getting the mother to stop harassing the professionals and embarrassing the child. No custody arrangement does that.


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[Tayken]

Um... All these words are great and all but...

Child is >14.

Child can doctor and remove consent from one or both parents to make inquiries about their health and well being. As well, they can do this with the school but, it takes a little bit of understanding that they have the legal right to do this with the school. Medical professionals are VERY aware of this. In fact, "age" doesn't matter for most of this and is up to the professional to determine if the "child" has the mental capacity to make this determination.

So, really what does "sole custody" mean after the age of 14. NOTHING. Cops can't enforce residential agreements. Why bother with legal "stuff" when the kid can simply do it themselves.

Ugh... After 14 its not worth going to court over.

[Janus]

I think a few responses have missed the fact that my daughter's mother sent both me and my daughter emails saying that she no longer wants my daughter in her life and does not want to ever see her again, yet she is still interfering in our lives, and demanding that as a parent she still has a right to be consulted on any decisions regarding my daughters upbringing.

I think we all understood that. If the mother consented to you having sole custody, then you would absolutely get it. However, the mother is clearly interested in maintaining custody, she is just not interested in parenting time.

Based on what you have laid out, the courts are unlikely to award you sole custody in a contested hearing.

At this point, I am simply seeking some advice from a legal point of view what the chances of full custody are before I pay my $450/hr lawyer to start the court documents.

Almost zero. You would have to demonstrate that joint custody is causing harm to your child.

Some things that are NOT harm:

1) You find mother annoying
2) Your child finds mother annoying

[HappierNow40]

Is your daughter requesting her step mother adopt her?

Yes, my daughter wishes for her step-mom to adopt her in addition to removing her biological mother from her life.

[Alpinist]

Is your daughter requesting her step mother adopt her?

[rockscan]

Fair enough, us non-lawyers who are nonetheless quite experienced based on our own individual legal battles are advising you for free that seeking sole custody is not the best idea. But what do the people on this forum know?

FYI, if you approach a lawyer, he/she will most likely take your money and advise to apply with the court regardless. Most lawyers love conflict and sniff it like sharks smell blood in water. Afterall, there's money to be easily made!!

I think OP was hoping by having full custody he won’t have to interact with mom anymore. Sadly mom would still have to be advised of what is going on even if you have full custody.

[HappierNow40]

I think a few responses have missed the fact that my daughter's mother sent both me and my daughter emails saying that she no longer wants my daughter in her life and does not want to ever see her again, yet she is still interfering in our lives, and demanding that as a parent she still has a right to be consulted on any decisions regarding my daughters upbringing. My daughter wants nothing more to do with her mother, and the feeling is mutual. My daughter has asked that I seek full custody for her so that her step-mother can adopt her and officially become the loving, nurturing mother that she never had.

Yes, trying to repair the relationship between the mother and daughter is ideal but I have attempted this numerous times via various professionals.

At this point, I am simply seeking some advice from a legal point of view what the chances of full custody are before I pay my $450/hr lawyer to start the court documents.

[davidbaker7]

I think you can seek full custody in the light of your daughter’s wishes. Since your ex wife has disowned your daughter and your daughter now wishes to stay with you, you have a good chance of getting full custody over your daughter. The email your ex sent you might help you. You may seek advice from a family lawyer and proceed with the plan.

I personally think you have a good chance of winning this case. My cousin was in a similar situation. He was worried how he may get full custody over his son and daughter since his ex wife had so many issues and her lifestyle took a toll on his kids. He seeked legal advice from a family lawyer in Brampton. He got custody over his kids on the grounds of neglect and by taking the kids’ wish into account. I think you have the same chances here.

[HappierNow40]

Thank you to everyone who provided constructive advice. It has really helped guide my decision. Much appreciated.

[Stillbreathing]

Sorry to burst your bubble but you are wasting your money if you think a judge is going to “support your daughter’s wishes to have her mother out of her life”. If anything, this will backfire for you snd the judge will give you a tongue lashing or worse. It is your responsibility as a parent to encourage your child’s relationship with the other parent not promote your 14 year old teenage daughter’s wishes to remove the other parent from her life entirely. A teenage daughter is a raging pile of hormones with a misfiring brain that is not yet fully developed and certainly is not capable of making such momentous decisions.
Teens often don’t get along with parents, especially same sex parents as they break away from parental control and try to assert their I dependence. This is normal. Teens also flip flop back and forth. Also normal. Beware, your daughter may pull the same stuff on you as soon as she is settled, making you the bad guy. That too would be normal.

You will not be successful convincing a judge to remove your ex from your daughter’s life. My ex is brain damaged and physically assaulted our children. He received supervised access which he inconsistently exercised. The children fought going and at one point the judge even said that he wondered if it was in the children’s best interests to have any contact with my ex at all...but he never made an order to that effect.

So if I could not get an order removing my violent, brain damaged ex who assaulted our children from their lives, with mountains of irrefutable evidence, you don’t have a chance in hell of getting such an order. Your ex doesn’t even have supervised access. My children no longer have contact with him as he himself stopped seeing them to “teach them a lesson” which backfired.

Your ex does not have supervised access so there is no way you will get an order removing her from your daughter’s life!

[Janus]

Her mother has also been quite aggressive in her responses to me recently and there have been threats to me and my new spouses safety along with false accusations made about us. With all that in mind, I think we would all benefit by breaking off communication with her entirely for our mental wellbeing.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the part that is really motivating you. You will certainly benefit from cutting off communication. Kids rarely benefit from losing a parent.

I am still open to supporting family counselling and have always encouraged my daughter to work with her mother

Have you mentioned in front of your daughter that you consider her mother to be a toxic influence?

and have gone as far as provided her mother advice on how she may be able to repair the relationship but she has rejected all suggests and attempts at diplomacy.

I think you are aware of this, but just in case you are oblivious: Handing out unsolicited advice has got to be the worst way to get anybody to do anything. Handing out unsolicited advice to an ex is even worse. If I wanted to make sure that my ex would not do something, I would tell her to do it.

Either you are clueless and were not aware of that, or you knew damn well that giving "advice" would fan the flames of discontent. I know which one I think it is.

Do not give advice to your ex, that is not your role.

That is why I feel my last recourse is now the legal route to support my daughter's wishes to have her mother out of her life.

Could I have some of that pile of extra money you have hanging around? You must be incredibly wealthy to be willing to spend so much money on something that will have almost no effect on your life, or your daughter's.

Legally, I have no idea which grounds you would be using to ask for sole custody. As rockscan said, you almost certainly have de facto sole custody anyway at this point.

[rockscan]

Ah, I get you now. Yes, we have my daughter in Psychotherapy and have a number of other mental health supports lined up for her

I see the point of not fanning the flames of an already inflamed situation. I am worried that without full custody my ex-spouse will still have the ability to inject herself in our lives. We are still having issues with her calling my daughter's school, doctors, therapist, etc and asking for information that my daughter does not want her to have. Perhaps rather than removing her as a legal guardian it will be easier and just as effective to deal with each occurrence of crossed boundaries as they occur.

I just need my daughter to know that I am listening to her wishes to have her mother completely out of her life and looking at options to do so. Perhaps full custody is not the right (and certainly not the easiest) course.

I appreciate all the advice.

Changing it legally is a lot of work and she can still call all of those people for updates. Perhaps an easier approach is to advise the ex that you will share information with her on a regular basis to avoid additional outbursts.

She cant have it both ways. Kick kid out and cut her off but then harass people for information. Getting that through to her may be difficult if she is high maintenance. Is there a neutral third party you could enlist? A grandparent or aunt/uncle? They might be able to advise the ex on boundaries and respect.

The only other option would be to spend some time reaching out to anyone she would call (the school, docs etc) and let them know there is a difficult family matter going on that you are working through and if they dont normally share info then please tell her that. Otherwise simply send the ex an email stating kid has xyz appointment and you will provide details after. Or you can tell ex that it would be best if she respect kids boundaries based on the current situation and then put her on ignore.