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Mother has rejected 14 year old daughter

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  • HappierNow40
    replied
    Ah, I get you now. Yes, we have my daughter in Psychotherapy and have a number of other mental health supports lined up for her

    I see the point of not fanning the flames of an already inflamed situation. I am worried that without full custody my ex-spouse will still have the ability to inject herself in our lives. We are still having issues with her calling my daughter's school, doctors, therapist, etc and asking for information that my daughter does not want her to have. Perhaps rather than removing her as a legal guardian it will be easier and just as effective to deal with each occurrence of crossed boundaries as they occur.

    I just need my daughter to know that I am listening to her wishes to have her mother completely out of her life and looking at options to do so. Perhaps full custody is not the right (and certainly not the easiest) course.

    I appreciate all the advice.
    Last edited by HappierNow40; 04-29-2021, 05:19 PM. Reason: Grammer

    Leave a comment:


  • rockscan
    replied
    I meant therapy just for your daughter.

    Like I said, there is no need to take any legal action other than changing support if it is in place. Neither one of you need to communicate with the ex and there is no sense in adding fuel to the inferno.

    Get your daughter settled and in a healthy mindset. Put your ex on ignore and have your daughter attend her own individual therapy. As she ages she will learn to manage the relationship and once she is mature enough, make her own decision. She’s old enough to choose where she wants to live so there is no need to set custody. Get the support aspect set in writing and then get on with life.

    Hopefully one day your ex realizes what she has done and makes an effort to fix it. If not, it’s her loss.

    Leave a comment:


  • HappierNow40
    replied
    Thank you for the quick response, rockscan.

    We investigated family counselling over the last few months but my daughter refuses to attend counselling with her mother. Her and her mother have had a very tumultuous relationship over the last few years, with borderline emotional abuse like her mother calling her a whore, slut, calling her fat, making fun of her hair, telling her she wishes she never gave birth to her, etc, all fairly toxic behaviour. As the relationship deteriorated over the last few years, they have attempted family counselling a number of times which was not effective. I have involved other medical and mental health professionals in hopes of repairing that relationship but her mother has not been receptive to change.

    Her mother has also been quite aggressive in her responses to me recently and there have been threats to me and my new spouses safety along with false accusations made about us. With all that in mind, I think we would all benefit by breaking off communication with her entirely for our mental wellbeing.

    I am still open to supporting family counselling and have always encouraged my daughter to work with her mother and have gone as far as provided her mother advice on how she may be able to repair the relationship but she has rejected all suggests and attempts at diplomacy.

    That is why I feel my last recourse is now the legal route to support my daughter's wishes to have her mother out of her life.

    Leave a comment:


  • rockscan
    replied
    Have you thought about getting her into some therapy to help her with the issues with her mother? Or even just to help her emotionally?

    This is a difficult situation for sure but I wouldn’t take extreme action at the moment. Give them both some space to calm down and work through what caused this matter to explode. Teenage years are a challenge and there are a lot of hormones going on.

    For support purposes, you can work something out with your ex but hold off on doing anything related to removing mom from her life. Shes old enough that you don’t need moms permission for stuff and if you do, I’m sure it will be easy to get.

    Leave a comment:


  • HappierNow40
    started a topic Mother has rejected 14 year old daughter

    Mother has rejected 14 year old daughter

    Hello All,

    I divorced in 2015. Had 50/50 shared custody of my two kids for a few years until my military posting to a new city, then my shared custody went to every second weekend, half the summer, etc. Everything was working.

    More recently, my now 14 year daughter, started to have issues getting along with her mother and 15 year old brother, so she moved in with me and my new spouse 3 months ago. Her mother was supportive since things were not working at her house.

    Over the last 3 months the relationship has deteriorated so much between my daughter and her mother that her mother has now completely rejected her and has said she is never welcome back at her house and has completely broken off communication. Furthermore, she sent me an email stating that "(our daughter) is no longer invited to my house."

    My daughter has requested that her mother no longer has legal guardian status, and thus no decision making role in her life. My question is whether this would be a situation for seeking full custody in light of my daughter's wishes and my former spouses actions.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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