This is not an April fools joke is it?

[+parenting]

My ex and I separated and divorced in 2012. Since then we each had one child of the marriage and it's been a very messy situation. I have received full custody of my son and he is finishing 2nd year university. Ultimately he wants to become a veterinarian.

In November of 2020, the year that keeps on giving, I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. For now it is in my lungs and I had surgery to have 1/2 my lung removed. I'm a non-smoker. I'm 47. My income is about $50K and my ex's is about $100K.

My ex has not paid a dime towards the son who is living with me. He has made my life hell, financially and psychologically. I honestly have ptsd when it comes to courtrooms and legal stuff. I have taken a hit before just to get things over with. Regardless...he has still not paid.

Since my son started University the cost has been about $25K/year. I have had to incur a financial debt and of course my son has taken out student loans.

Yesterday, after I let him have it in an email (I know it's not productive but it felt good) he has decided to negotiate. He does not want to pay for a 2nd degree but we are both willing to look at that when the time comes and of course I can take him to court. Should I die my life insurance more than covers my son's education.

For the sake of my sanity I have agreed not to look at amounts he owes me when we each had a child in our care. It's just not worth the pain and suffering to me and I need to concentrate on my health. I want to live to see my son graduate.

He has offered to pay the following:

May 1/2020 - April 30/2021 $11,000 immediately once agreement is signed
May 1/2021 - April 30/2022 $11,500 half in August 2021 and half in Jan 2022
May 1/2022 - April 30/2023. $12,000 half in August 2022 and half in Jan 2023

My concerns are these:

My son will need a car and I was planning to get him one regardless of this new development. It will be either a 20 minute car ride to school or 1 1/2 hour public transport each way. We have only once car to cover my current husbands business, which is 40 minutes in the opposite direction, my son and I. I don't believe it to be unreasonable to get a second car. We have lived with one as long as we could.

The second issue is that in year 3 or 4 my son's course load becomes extremely heavy. He has no summer break and goes to school year round. He is an intelligent person but his grades come from hard work, not a natural ability. He does not have time for a part time job. His job is to become a veterinarian. He's wanted to be one since the age of 4. Given my health issues he also takes care of me when I have exhausted myself to do things on my own.

Based on the incomes stated above and the figures he's presented, what would be a reasonable expectation of him to increase the figures above by? Should I settle for what he has offered since the amount is better than nothing? I have no means to hire an attorney or the energy to write up the paperwork like I've done in the past.

Is there anything else I should be considering/asking for?

Thank you for your time and I REALLY appreciate any assistance you can provide me with.

[Janus]

"Standard" tuition split seems to be 2/3rds split proportionally. Since your ex makes 2/3rds of the income, then 2/3rds of 2/3rds would be 4/9ths.

Ex should also be paying table child support while your child lives at home.

So, the correct amount of money that ex should be paying is roughly half of tuition plus table child support.

[+parenting]

Thank you for the response. What about a car and expenses? My son's options would be 20 minutes by car or 1 1/2 hours by public transportation. If he has a lecture in the am and a lab at night he would really have to think about that additional 3 hours of public transportation to come home in between.

I think that an additional $1500 a year, to cover the vehicle costs, is not an unreasonable request to make or is it? We live in another city and public transport is not like a major city. Times are also limited.

[Janus]

Thank you for the response. What about a car and expenses? My son's options would be 20 minutes by car or 1 1/2 hours by public transportation.

He can study on the bus. Alternatively, he can live on residence, and the child support can instead be used to pay for that.

The vast majority of universities have cheap "ghetto" housing nearby. You can likely rent a room for substantially less than the cost of child support, so your ex is unlikely to object.

[rockscan]

The car argument is difficult as you have a good combined income but also a low combined income. If it became an eligible expense then your ex would pay a portion of gas, license and maintenance. If it is just for some odd days where he has early/late time then your ex could argue uber or a taxi may work better. Has your son also tried a tide share with school?

I would go back and calculate what he owes for child support plus his share of the school expenses then determine if the offer is worth it or not. More than likely he did the calculations and discovered he owes you and additional ten grand and is hoping you don’t realize that. Support is the right of the child not either of you.


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[velas]

You stated that you each had one child of the marriage. Does that mean he has a child living full-time with him? And is this child also eligible for support? Or is the son who is now living with you the one that he had originally?