HI All,
I am a self represented father in my family matter looking to get undiluted opinion from the likes of @Tayken and others on this forum. STB-ex is on legal aid while I have to pay for legal representation. To be honest divorce is expensive and my debt level has gone up since this started. I want to avoid trial as much as possible (the family matter). Such money should be spent on our child, not on lawyers but I don't want this to cost me our son. I believe it is necessary to provide a bit more detail and I have done so below. While I was hoping my divorce would be easy, this has resulted to more complications than I could imagine. After reading lot of stories on this forum I will like to seek people's opinion to get through this.
Background
Talk of Divorce has been going on since April 2019 due to irreconcilable differences. These discussions become regular when she moved her personal belonging to the second room and started sleeping on the couch in July 2020, saying it more comfortable sleeping on the couch. She didn’t return into the room until November and I started sleeping on the couch. I started the divorce conversion but spouse doesn’t want divorce due to her religion. We were expecting out baby as she was pregnant. She started making threats that I won’t be a part of our baby’s life is I proceed with the divorce. All these happened before baby was born in December.
She started sending me emails on January 23, 2020 stating different allegations of domestic violence. These were serious accusation considering the languages (stating I have assaulted her sexually, financially, verbally, physically and emotionally). I responded to every email debunking all allegations as this never happened. We had 2 cases of verbal argument in the past (October 2019 and early January 2020) but there was no form of insult, name calling nor physical contact as described in her emails.
Domestic assault charges
On February 13 2020 I got arrested and charged with 3 counts of domestic assault on the applicant. This happened after a verbal argument claiming I attacked her and she sprung her wrist while she fell. The arrest took place at the walk-in clinic during our baby’s medical appointment. The argument was at home before the appointment but she waited until we got to the clinic. During the appointment she started crying at the doctor’s office claiming her hand hurts and she called the police. Based on the disclosure, no physical evidence, just the doctor’s report that it is possible she sprung her wrist. She immediately started using a wrist brace. The other 2 charges are all related to her testimony with no Evidence. These are the verbal arguments that happened in the past modified to include physical attack without any injuries and referred to the emails she sent in January as proof (excluding my responses).
The 2 main conditions of my bail hearing (1) I am not allowed to be 100 meters around her (2) I am allowed to have access to our child either through an agreed upon third party or through the family court. The criminal case is still an ongoing matter that has been delayed due to the pandemic. Case will be proceeding to trial. The trial date is yet to be determined as at today. I have a lawyer representing me in this matter.
Family Matter
I received the Court application on March 31 2020 that was filed on January 30 2020 by the applicant seeking child support, spousal support, sole custody and access allowing access to our child only at her discretion, including, ability to request for child’s passport and other documents without consent other issues. I sent my response on the April 28. Her reason for the delay in serving the application is because she believes I am trying to evade service.
Due to the pandemic case conference was postponed to October 2020. I was able to get an urgent case conference on the issue of access on July 13 after several discussions with the applicant’s lawyer on the issue of access.
Child access and custody
I was arrested and charged in February for domestic assault. Between March 1 to March 20, I reached out to individuals known to the applicant in effort to make arrangement on having access to our child without any response from the applicant. Applicant’s Lawyer reached out to me via email on March 31 2020 for the first time, confirmed my efforts regarding access request to our child and stated that the applicant is willing to allow access once every two months after the Covid-19 pandemic is over. No health concern was provided. She also stated they will be filing for Cost if I delay my responses and don't provide financial disclosure on time. There were several back and forth with the applicant’s lawyer about the issue of access with the same response of “No access during the Pandemic”. I filed Form 14B for urgent case conference which was heard on July 13.
In her case conference brief, the following was stated:
Knowing all these are lies, I was in so much shock reading everything she wrote about me. She has also modified the narration of events provided in the criminal case (now included in her affidavit for the family case conference) to include our baby in argument in January and February with claims of attacking our baby.
During the case conference, we finally agreed on supervised access for 1hour 30mins at her place of worship (1pm to 2:30pm) every Sunday from July 26 to September 6. Per her lawyer this is to see how our baby reacts since no access has happened for over 5months and they do not think I can handle caring for a baby. I agreed because the Judge advised to get some access before the motion hearing will happen in Early October (the earliest available date). Another case conference to be held on September 9 to see if any progress would be made on discussions (more access time, unsupervised, spousal support etc.). The Judge also expressed her displeasure on denying access for that long with no reason provided to me.
Questions:
Other issues on Spousal support, child support and others to be posted later.
I am a self represented father in my family matter looking to get undiluted opinion from the likes of @Tayken and others on this forum. STB-ex is on legal aid while I have to pay for legal representation. To be honest divorce is expensive and my debt level has gone up since this started. I want to avoid trial as much as possible (the family matter). Such money should be spent on our child, not on lawyers but I don't want this to cost me our son. I believe it is necessary to provide a bit more detail and I have done so below. While I was hoping my divorce would be easy, this has resulted to more complications than I could imagine. After reading lot of stories on this forum I will like to seek people's opinion to get through this.
Background
Talk of Divorce has been going on since April 2019 due to irreconcilable differences. These discussions become regular when she moved her personal belonging to the second room and started sleeping on the couch in July 2020, saying it more comfortable sleeping on the couch. She didn’t return into the room until November and I started sleeping on the couch. I started the divorce conversion but spouse doesn’t want divorce due to her religion. We were expecting out baby as she was pregnant. She started making threats that I won’t be a part of our baby’s life is I proceed with the divorce. All these happened before baby was born in December.
She started sending me emails on January 23, 2020 stating different allegations of domestic violence. These were serious accusation considering the languages (stating I have assaulted her sexually, financially, verbally, physically and emotionally). I responded to every email debunking all allegations as this never happened. We had 2 cases of verbal argument in the past (October 2019 and early January 2020) but there was no form of insult, name calling nor physical contact as described in her emails.
Domestic assault charges
On February 13 2020 I got arrested and charged with 3 counts of domestic assault on the applicant. This happened after a verbal argument claiming I attacked her and she sprung her wrist while she fell. The arrest took place at the walk-in clinic during our baby’s medical appointment. The argument was at home before the appointment but she waited until we got to the clinic. During the appointment she started crying at the doctor’s office claiming her hand hurts and she called the police. Based on the disclosure, no physical evidence, just the doctor’s report that it is possible she sprung her wrist. She immediately started using a wrist brace. The other 2 charges are all related to her testimony with no Evidence. These are the verbal arguments that happened in the past modified to include physical attack without any injuries and referred to the emails she sent in January as proof (excluding my responses).
The 2 main conditions of my bail hearing (1) I am not allowed to be 100 meters around her (2) I am allowed to have access to our child either through an agreed upon third party or through the family court. The criminal case is still an ongoing matter that has been delayed due to the pandemic. Case will be proceeding to trial. The trial date is yet to be determined as at today. I have a lawyer representing me in this matter.
Family Matter
I received the Court application on March 31 2020 that was filed on January 30 2020 by the applicant seeking child support, spousal support, sole custody and access allowing access to our child only at her discretion, including, ability to request for child’s passport and other documents without consent other issues. I sent my response on the April 28. Her reason for the delay in serving the application is because she believes I am trying to evade service.
Due to the pandemic case conference was postponed to October 2020. I was able to get an urgent case conference on the issue of access on July 13 after several discussions with the applicant’s lawyer on the issue of access.
Child access and custody
I was arrested and charged in February for domestic assault. Between March 1 to March 20, I reached out to individuals known to the applicant in effort to make arrangement on having access to our child without any response from the applicant. Applicant’s Lawyer reached out to me via email on March 31 2020 for the first time, confirmed my efforts regarding access request to our child and stated that the applicant is willing to allow access once every two months after the Covid-19 pandemic is over. No health concern was provided. She also stated they will be filing for Cost if I delay my responses and don't provide financial disclosure on time. There were several back and forth with the applicant’s lawyer about the issue of access with the same response of “No access during the Pandemic”. I filed Form 14B for urgent case conference which was heard on July 13.
In her case conference brief, the following was stated:
- She is scared I might organize for our baby to be kidnapped and sent to Africa.
- That I have threatened to hurt our baby saying I don’t want to have anything with him.
- That our baby has experienced domestic violence excessively and shouldn’t be left alone with me.
- That I have never been involved in taking care of him.
- She is only opened to biweekly supervised access for 30mins at her place of worship by a member.
- She is not interested in relaxing the “no communication” condition so that I can pick up and drop off our baby at her drive way for baby’s convenience. She’s scared.
- She is also not interested in using parenting apps because she believes I won’t be reasonable.
Knowing all these are lies, I was in so much shock reading everything she wrote about me. She has also modified the narration of events provided in the criminal case (now included in her affidavit for the family case conference) to include our baby in argument in January and February with claims of attacking our baby.
During the case conference, we finally agreed on supervised access for 1hour 30mins at her place of worship (1pm to 2:30pm) every Sunday from July 26 to September 6. Per her lawyer this is to see how our baby reacts since no access has happened for over 5months and they do not think I can handle caring for a baby. I agreed because the Judge advised to get some access before the motion hearing will happen in Early October (the earliest available date). Another case conference to be held on September 9 to see if any progress would be made on discussions (more access time, unsupervised, spousal support etc.). The Judge also expressed her displeasure on denying access for that long with no reason provided to me.
Questions:
- Have I made a mistake by agreeing to supervised assess?
- Should I propose for more access time and unsupervised access or wait until the next case conference on September 9? My fear is been seen as unreasonable considering baby is only 8months. While I can take care of him, the issue is that he is still breastfeeding and the applicant lawyer keep saying breastfeeding will continue until he his 2years, and he can’t be away from his mother for more than 2hours at a stretch because of this.
- I have had 4 visits so far and baby slept throughout in 3 visits. I think it is because she normally feeds him before coming. There is no bed, just a play mat and a fold-able plastic chair for siting. Carrying him while he sleeps is never comfortable and I don’t think it will be comfortable sleeping on the play mat. Won’t this be considered to determine if the location of the assess is conducive for child?
- Due to the criminal case, I think this will make it difficult to push for joint custody. I have read on this forum that it is best to resolve the criminal case before handling the issue of custody. Will not saying/doing anything on the issue of custody hurt my chances on joint custody later?
- I want equal access time but I know this cannot happen right away but gradually. Can the criminal case hurt my chances?
- I currently have no idea on where she resides with our child. The lease of our rent expired. I reached out to her lawyer asking about her plans and I was told the question was intrusive and I don’t have to know where they reside and my correspondence should be addressed to her lawyer. Is the normal?
Other issues on Spousal support, child support and others to be posted later.
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