Access exchanges during COVID-19

[sahibjee]

So due to the whole virus situation I am quite iffy about access exchanges. The court order is the usual EOW+W.
I have custody, I am planning on sending something like this, what do you think?

As you maybe aware that the province of Ontario has declared a health emergency due to COVID-19.


The health minister of Ontario has advised to practice social distancing and for people to remain at home to avoid
communal transmission of the virus, and as such I am going to be practicing social distancing and will reinforce the same for our son.

However, there remains the issue of access as per the court order. Our son going back and forth between the homes could become a potential carrier for the virus, to reduce that risk I am prepared to keep him at home during the emergency without access exchanges, OR you can choose to keep him at your place during the emergency which could last a month or two. In that case I would be forfeiting that my access time for everyone's safety.

If you want to keep him for access uninterrupted during the Ontario health emergency (or until when the schools open whichever comes later) then let me know by 1 PM Wednesday March 18th.

If you do not reply by that time I'll be forced to consider that you are electing to forfeit your access during the emergency (or until when the schools open whichever comes later).

[rockscan]

Does your ex have the illness? Then don’t block access.

This is a terrible idea.

[Helpmyspouse]

I agree with Rocksan. I can't see this going over well if your ex doesn't have the virus. I don't know how young your child is but best to try to keep the situation uninterrupted for kids and not stopping access to either parent during this time. As a mom, I couldn't make this offer to my ex.

[standing on the sidelines]

I would keep things the way they are.

[Abba435]

I am expecting something like this from my ex. Not happening. We are not going out. No risk. Getting ready to fight that one any day.

[sahibjee]

Thank you for your input, I'll take that into consideration;
There are three key factors why I thought of doing this.

1- the sick may not know for for days that they are sick and could be transmitting to others - that's one of the key reasons of the virus's fast and far reach. In Canada the reported cases doubled yesterday, The same trajectory as Italy!

2- my elderly parents with many health problems live with me and the virus coming to them could have dire consequences.

3- since our son started going to school we have always done exchanges at school/daycare and prior to that at access centres - those were on my instance because the other party has so far 6 false phone calls to the police, the first two times the police arrested me and I had to spend about 30k fighting false charges that were dropped before prelim - the lack of consequences only encouraged her to continue.
Since the courts are closed access centres aren't currently an option, send I am in no mood of having another round of police involvement.

I am certainly still considering your input but those are my reasons as of now

[rockscan]

Thank you for your input, I'll take that into consideration;
There are three key factors why I thought of doing this.

1- the sick may not know for for days that they are sick and could be transmitting to others - that's one of the key reasons of the virus's fast and far reach. In Canada the reported cases doubled yesterday, The same trajectory as Italy!

2- my elderly parents with many health problems live with me and the virus coming to them could have dire consequences.

3- since our son started going to school we have always done exchanges at school/daycare and prior to that at access centres - those were on my instance because the other party has so far 6 false phone calls to the police, the first two times the police arrested me and I had to spend about 30k fighting false charges that were dropped before prelim - the lack of consequences only encouraged her to continue.
Since the courts are closed access centres aren't currently an option, send I am in no mood of having another round of police involvement.

I am certainly still considering your input but those are my reasons as of now

Then send your kid to the other parent and leave them there for 14 days.

This is bs. Your ex deserves to see their child and if neither of you have been exposed in any way then there should be no issue. How would you feel if your ex sent you this?

[cranberry]

Here's the flip side of this. My kiddos are finishing up their March Break with their dad today; I pick them up at noon. He made them call me yesterday to ask to stay longer due to the virus. I said no. This morning I woke up to a message from him via Our Family Wizard, sent at 3 am. The first sentence reads, "The boys are afraid to come to your house due to the virus..." That's all I read, closed it and will be picking them up at noon.

It is a very very frightening time. We all have to remember, how would you feel to be on the receiving end of these types of messages. Please don't send anything. All it will do is stir up shit with your high conflict ex.

Everyone stay safe!

[sahibjee]

Then send your kid to the other parent and leave them there for 14 days.

This is bs. Your ex deserves to see their child and if neither of you have been exposed in any way then there should be no issue. How would you feel if your ex sent you this?

Maybe the bs part is you not reading my original post completely where I clearly offer her that she can keep him during the pendemic

[Abba435]

Thank you for your input, I'll take that into consideration;
There are three key factors why I thought of doing this.

1- the sick may not know for for days that they are sick and could be transmitting to others - that's one of the key reasons of the virus's fast and far reach. In Canada the reported cases doubled yesterday, The same trajectory as Italy!

2- my elderly parents with many health problems live with me and the virus coming to them could have dire consequences.

3- since our son started going to school we have always done exchanges at school/daycare and prior to that at access centres - those were on my instance because the other party has so far 6 false phone calls to the police, the first two times the police arrested me and I had to spend about 30k fighting false charges that were dropped before prelim - the lack of consequences only encouraged her to continue.
Since the courts are closed access centres aren't currently an option, send I am in no mood of having another round of police involvement.

I am certainly still considering your input but those are my reasons as of now

You could be sick yourself.
You are creating an issue where none exists.
Unless you have a legitimate reason to be positive your children are facing a genuine risk just stop.

[sahibjee]

Wow, are people just not reading the fact that I have clearly offered her to keep him during the entire crisis? Maybe I need to word it better or format it better

"OR you can choose to keep him at your place during the emergency which could last a month or two. In that case I would be forfeiting that my access time for everyone's safety.

If you want to keep him for access uninterrupted during the Ontario health emergency (or until when the schools open whichever comes later) then let me know by 1 PM Wednesday March 18th. "

[Abba435]

Yes I read what you said and your concern is not surprising
Kids should be following their parenting schedules as much as possible in my opinion.
If both homes are following the advice of the health authorities the risk is low.
That means no outings, lots of hand washing, no visits, parties, play dates, shopping.
Very low risk and if they are carriers then so be it. If they are not exhibiting symptoms no the risks are very low.

[iona6656]

T
2- my elderly parents with many health problems live with me and the virus coming to them could have dire consequences.

I have the same concerns here as you- as does my ex (we both currently live with our parents) who's mom is 84 and has COPD. My parents are both 67 and my mom is immuno compromised....so I think it's totally valid to have this discussion.

I would frame it differently though.

My ex and I have spoken on the phone and by text about restrictions we're putting in place for our D3. Since she would be the likely carrier of it- kids can be asymptomatic.

We've both agreed to some ground rules- she stays in our homes (except outdoor play- not at playgrounds)- and no visitors are allowed in either of those homes outside of the members of the households (that means his sister and her kids aren't visiting- and the same goes for me with my sister and her family).

I didn't frame it as "If you don't do this- I'll stop the visits for her health and my parents". I did make the decision to pull her from pre-k before the shut downs though. And although I asked her dad's opinion- I was going to do it anyways.

If anything is gonna force us to interact with some civility with our batshit crazy/annoying exes- it's gonna be this.

[Janus]

I think for divorced couples, both sides effectively become one household in two different locations. If one location gets infected, both will be infected, and there is no way around it.

Much like if my kids get it, I'm going to get it.

[LovingDad1234]

This is the worst idea I've ever heard. You are simply going from 1 home, to car, to other home.

But to be honest, I would not be surprised if my ex were to try some BS like that. This week she has kids for March Break so my access is cut for the week, but i fully intend to send an email to suggest how we may divide the next few weeks. Why should she get 3 whole weeks with the kids at home, whereas otherwise they would be in school?