Made some progress and lost it

[Somedaysoon]

I was served with court documents asking for full custody.

Finally stbx settled on trying mediation.

I received an offer to settle prior with a more reasonable parenting plan.

We worked together in mediation and got to a reasonable place and scheduled another.

At the start of the second one she said she wanted to take back some time she had agreed to with me.

Then after discussion she agreed to it again.

We worked amicably through the parenting plan and stuff went well.

We completed it aside from one small nearly irrelevant piece.

When the mediator was closing they said, and I will submit this as an equal parenting plan.

Stbx became visibly angry and began to cry and said, I am going to see my lawyer now.

Nothing was signed, the plan very closely mirrored the one in her offer to settle with the exception of extending Sunday pm pick up to morning school drop off (the issue she argued based on consistency).

Is there any weight before a judge in the upcoming settlement conference even though nothing was signed? I strongly suspect this will get messy over the overnight Sunday. As the schedule is she will see them every day due to her having them after school until I am home from work with the exception of these every other weekends which I view as valuable time together. I have always been just as involved of a parent and currently the new schedule will have her taking over some of my roles and responsibilities.

Any advice?

[iona6656]

No weight whatsoever. You cannot bring up anything you said/agreed to in mediation.

Judge will shut that down. Mediation is assumed to be "without prejudice". Meaning that nothing you say or do during it can be used against you if things go to court.

Why not just agree to letting them go back to her place on Sunday night?

[StillPaying]

Not sure how much weight it'll have, but definitely bring it up. Your settlement conference is without prejudice as well, so feel free to discuss everything (mediation, offers, etc)

Your ex sounds agreeable but keeps second guessing herself. Maybe with the judge's help, you'll come to an agreement.

[Somedaysoon]

Thanks for the replies.

The drafted plan is being provided to us as it was essentially complete.

Iona, I understand that I could just agree. However, I have agreed to the entire plan this far without any input. I am hoping for just one change that I feel is of benefit to the children and there is no real reason to warrant the switch on a Sunday. In some respects same difference between one or the other agreeing. On her weekends she will not be returning them to me on a Sunday.

Thanks Stillpaying for the clarification.

[iona6656]

Thanks for the replies.

The drafted plan is being provided to us as it was essentially complete.

Iona, I understand that I could just agree. However, I have agreed to the entire plan this far without any input. I am hoping for just one change that I feel is of benefit to the children and there is no real reason to warrant the switch on a Sunday. In some respects same difference between one or the other agreeing. On her weekends she will not be returning them to me on a Sunday.

Thanks Stillpaying for the clarification.

Does it get you to the over 40% threshold? Do you have more than 5 nights out of 14?

Also- Stillpaying is wrong. Any judge worth their salt will stop you as you try to tell them what happened in mediation.

[StillPaying]

Somedaysoon, I'm pretty sure you have more family court experience than Iona so take our advice for what it's worth.

Don't give up your Sunday night. Motions and trial are different, but conferences are open to speak freely about everything. This is why I loved conferences. The judge will help you deal with the unreasonable and hopefully you'll come to a final order at your sc.

[Somedaysoon]

Thanks again.

Iona,

Yes I have 2x weekdays and EOW from Friday night. (6 overnights).

Thanks Stillpaying, I don’t feel my request is unreasonable. I will give it a shot. Such a sad time for all involved.

[StillPaying]

Not sure why you're not going for 50/50 and getting your own babysitter, or if there's some reason you shouldn't take your kids to school, but I don't see why this should get messy.

The sc judge will see that you agree on everything except a few hours of access. They will help push for resolution and avoid trial. Go to court, not mediation.

[Somedaysoon]

Thanks Stillpaying,

I am going for 50/50 but am trying to be reasonable based on my later work schedule and the children’s best interests. I am doing so in the spirit of settling and my children’s well being not being needlessly compromised with a babysitter in this stressful transition., I/we feel that it is better for them to have their mom as opposed to a babysitter as she is available. We are both great parents and also extra curricular activities can be a little problematic (I won’t get started on that one). I am a little torn on this as it would feel somewhat of a controlling move when she is available. I do completely understand what you are saying and I contemplated it. I just feel I am being revoked of many of my established responsibilities and she will be taking them over if I am too agreeable. I believe it is in the children’s best interest to maximize the time with both of us.

I have been the main person to take them to school and have been the only one doing so for the last 3+ years.

[StillPaying]

You're scared of looking controlling, but once your agreement is signed your ex can turn around and hire a babysitter with you paying for it, plus child support, while losing half your time with the kids.