Emergency custody order

[phatkid77]

Hey guys.
So I’m helping another friend and I was going to bore you with details. But decided not to unless you want know.
Research had me uncover tayken link for this amazing case law
https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...3onsc6960.html

Anyway. We are filing for an emergency interim custody order because his ex is being vindictive and only allowing him contact with his daughter when she sees fit which is like 4 hours on any particular day.
She obtained a laywer and her offer they say is child focused and she wants sole custody where the father can have access “time to time” laughable I know

Anyway, when the judge reads our forms and 40pieces of evidence, IF emergency motion is granted. What are we talking here? Couple weeks?


Thanks


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[Janus]

How long has the ex had custody? What makes this an emergency? Is this ex-parte?

[phatkid77]

At this point. They been separated for 3 wks.
The child is living at the home as my friend left.
But she’s dictating he can only see for a few hours a week Becasue the child (2yr) is in formative years and doesn’t trust him. So that’s all shes prepared to “offer”
She won’t allow over niights because she’s two and has “never slept anywhere else”.


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[tilt]

Emotions run high in the first few weeks. Get him to a therapist to divorce the legal issues from the emotional issues (much, much cheaper this way). Oftentimes friends and family getting involved just ramps up the tensions between the parties. Like it or not, they are going to keep having a relationship and going to have to do-parent together. Some couples find a separation coach helpful, but if lawyers are involved it may be too late as lawyers tend to counsel against separation coaches because they decrease the lawyer’s billing’s (not all family lawyers are like this...but enough are).

If she is concerned about the child not ever sleeping anywhere else then suggest a nesting arrangement where he stays the night with the child and she sleeps at a friends/family. Keep asking for access and showing up for each one, pay the table support on time and keep everything focused on the best needs of the child. Good luck to him.

[tilt]

And yes, an “emergency” order takes a few weeks usually and is usually only when there is NO access or violence.

[phatkid77]

Thanks. Yeah she’s “allowing” a few hours a week for no reason other than not trusting him... and if he got a lawyer I feel this would EASILY be months-years to settle if lawyers give unsound advice.
She’s not entertaining anything other than sole custody and see child when I say.
She’s also sent some damning texts that really don’t help her case. Basically give me $10000 and you can have child EVERY Friday for a few hours


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[tilt]

Judges recognize that emotions are running high at first and the txts in the first few months aren’t really going to be relevant by the time he gets in front of a judge. (Don’t let him submit 40 pieces of evidence, that makes him look like a crackpot to the judge. He needs to be rational here).

Tell him to be calm, “grey rock” her in his BIFF communication, and be willing to be very flexible and child-focused. He doesn’t want to add to the drama or the dynamic they probably already have.

[phatkid77]

Don’t think crackpot would come to the judges thoughts here.
Nothing but rational texts asking for a schedule. Offering a set schedule or other options. All met with resounding “no” and I can’t wait to go to court and I get everything and you pay my legal fees.
Not “child focused”
Certainly not per the divorce act sect 16 and divorce act 24
Take the kid when I’m offering or don’t. It’s up to you but I’m beyond reasonable and my lawyer says so..
too bad really.


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[Janus]

At this point. They been separated for 3 wks.
The child is living at the home as my friend left.

I think your friend should move back home.

Bring a recorder and keep it on at all times. If possible bring a friend (maybe you!) to video the entire initial return home, emotions will be really high for that so it might be useful as a defence against a false allegation of violence.

Your friend should have never left the home, but 3 weeks is not that long, he can move back. Probably before the weekend.

[phatkid77]

Agreed. But she was assaultive the night they split so he left, for obvious reasons. So it shall play out this way unfortunately.
And we are serving her tomorrow. Sooooo. The move back.... unlikely.
I hope two things.
When her lawyer sees brief they attempt to bring down to earth abit but if they don’t. Once her retainer is gone. The money is gone so will have nothing left to fight


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[Janus]

Agreed. But she was assaultive the night they split so he left, for obvious reasons.

Your friend assaulted her?

This case is already over. Your friend has lost. He assaulted her and moved out. She is restricting custody and she will likely be able to continue to do so. He might get some

The money is gone so will have nothing left to fight

Your friend is going to pay years of child support. Think the mom is going to let that drop at any price? Especially because your friend would almost certainly lose a trial and so mom would get a good chunk of her lawyer fees back.

[phatkid77]

No no. Re read. SHE assaulted him


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[phatkid77]

And from here and reading case law. The courts are not interested in the mud slinging. So our position has no mention.

Just 50/50 custody. No money going either way it out of court
VS
Her gimme sole custody and I won’t go for child support
Well 50/50 has HER paying a set off amount of around $300 a month.

It baffles me that with the best interests of the child being paramount this type of crap goes on. Granted the lawyer can only go by what he is told from their client, but Make accusations all you want. Police reports? Hospital records? Can’t just use friends as “witnesseses”
If it doesn’t have any bearing on “ability to parent”. You’re wasting courts time and money


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[phatkid77]

Your friend assaulted her?



This case is already over. Your friend has lost. He assaulted her and moved out. She is restricting custody and she will likely be able to continue to do so. He might get some









Your friend is going to pay years of child support. Think the mom is going to let that drop at any price? Especially because your friend would almost certainly lose a trial and so mom would get a good chunk of her lawyer fees back.

I think her “offer” of no support of sole custody was just a power move knowing he can’t afford a lawyer, so maybe like most guys would JUMP at the opportunity to pay no support. When in reality all he wants is to see his child. To have a “schedule” not a whenever mom feels like it



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[Selfrepmom]

Your friend is in a very critical time period right now. How he conducts himself over the next few months are basically going to dictate whether or not he has any sort of time with his kid, besides 26 weekends a year, over the next 10+ years. He cannot for one minute let his guard down and settle for anything short of 50/50, no matter how “nice” she starts to be. Especially if he doesn’t have money for a lawyer.

While I would agree with Janus and say he needs to move back into that house TODAY, she has already assaulted him and things have already become physical. There is a very good chance that if he moves back in things will become physical again and your friend will be the one charged with assault while trying to defend himself. Then it is 100% game over.

He needs to

A) Separate his emotions from this custody battle. ASAP.
B) Only communicate with ex via email
C) Make multiple written requests via email to see the child- like a few times a week. Show up to pick up child (have a witness come with him)/document her refusal/stay calm and positive
D) Start the ball rolling on court proceedings. Study his ass off. Push for trial/don’t get caught up in bullshit unless ex begins offering 50/50
E) Block the ex on all social media accounts/don’t post anything at all for now. One day he is posting a picture having a few beers with friends on Canada Day, next day ex will call to say she is now only allowing supervised visits because he is an alcoholic. This will prolong court proceedings and will establish a longer status quo in favour of the ex.
F) Start voluntarily paying ex the correct amount of table child support via cheque or etransfer. Do not give her cash.

And again. Separate his emotions from this. That is going to be the most critical first step he will need to master.