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  • Items to share between two households

    Where do you draw the line on what should be shared between households and what should not?
    My ex recently sent an irate email because he found out that our son received a Chromebook (laptop) for Christmas. I bought this Chromebook because his whole school board has gone to this system, so he can do assignments and submit them online, he can use Google Classroom, etc. As well, I thought it would be great for use around the house for Netflix or watching movies on road trips. Son was thrilled with this and started bringing it back and forth between our home and school.
    I told him it wasnít going to go to his dadís house.
    I didnít tell him that the reason being I donít trust his dad, would be on the hook completely if anything happened to it, and donít feel it an appropriate item to share across two households.
    When he is at his dadís he has to use the school Chromebook which I guess sucks in comparison to his home one. Ex blasted me saying itís not in childís best interests for me to deny him the ability to bring the Chromebook to his house on his parenting time.
    Also, the best part is that he told me that HE practically bought it anyway since he pays me support. In fact, this is a common theme with him - he likes to hold the support over my head as if he owns everything in my house because he gives me some money every month.
    Am I being petty? I kinda feel like dad can go buy one himself. Kid is not out a laptop at school since theyíll provide one....
    Thoughts please.


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  • #2
    How old is your son?

    He has a chrome book from school to use at dads?

    Does it bother your son that he canít take him home chromebook to his dads?

    I actually think itís funny dad is mad...buuut itís probably not helpful for coparenting


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    • #3
      My kids have iPad minis... I do not send them to dads. If they get broke dad will snot fix or be responsible. And I have time restrictions on them and I donít want dad to use them as babysitters when they are there. You bought it for your home. Does dad send anything to your house that is valuable for kid to use? My ex doesnít allow a thing to come back to my home. I let them take toys because they donít have any at dads.


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      • #4
        He is 12.
        The school Chromebook doesnít go to dadís, it stays at school. The issue is that dad believes the Chromebook I purchased should be shared and used at both houses and travel to school from either house.
        I see this as a huge problem just waiting to happen.
        Itís hard to talk about it with my son without saying ďI donít trust your dishonest, control freak dadĒ so I have indicated that I just donít think itís a good idea. He seems ok with that even though he has said the school computers suck. At least I have 3/4 of school days in the month.


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        • #5
          Hi Ange - whatever your decision, I'd make sure you explain to your child unequivocally so child does not play parents against each other (kind of sounds like that might be happening here):

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          • #6
            Does it go to school? If no then the answer is ďthe laptop stays here for safe keepingĒ. If your ex wants to interpret that as you dont trust him, let him. I can guarantee you that if the tables were turned he would be very vocal about not trusting you.

            This is a mute button situation.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
              My kids have iPad minis... I do not send them to dads. If they get broke dad will snot fix or be responsible. And I have time restrictions on them and I donít want dad to use them as babysitters when they are there. You bought it for your home. Does dad send anything to your house that is valuable for kid to use? My ex doesnít allow a thing to come back to my home. I let them take toys because they donít have any at dads.


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              The only things that end up at either home are the clothes they wore to school when they get off the bus at either home. This gets returned at the next sporting event or place I would see their dad. Nothing else is shared at all. So thatís a pretty big leap to say weíre going to now send a laptop back and forth.



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              • #8
                ^^what they said.

                Expensive electronics stay at home.

                I pack a full diaper bag that goes with my daughter. Because she needs to keep her Epi pens with her at all times. And extra clothes etc.

                For stuff to help her adjust to two houses- eg the blanket and pillow she likes to sleep on, I get her a second set to keep at her dads.

                Iíve done the same with toys she loves and wants to keep with her at all times. I just donít want to forget to get it from dads house.


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                • #9
                  I think it is age dependent. I would be hard pressed to separate my teenager from his cellphone. Ex bought kids tablets and they go with them back and forth with them between the houses. It hasnt been an issue for ex to let kids have them here, or for me. I drew the line at the family laptop though. Child insisted it had to go with him to play video games and I said no, it is the family laptop for in our house only.

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                  • #10
                    The issue is that dad believes the Chromebook I purchased should be shared and used at both houses and travel to school from either house.
                    Couldnt the child just do homework on dad's computer and save it on an USB to take back and forth, if you arent ready for kid to take the laptop?

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                    • #11
                      I would 100% ignore this. It is irrelevant, and does not require a response to the ex in any way.

                      If the kid asks about it, simply explain that it was purchased by you for him to use at your home.

                      If/when the kid gets older and potentially has a cell phone, he will likely want to have that at both houses and its practical to let him bring it back and forth given he will probably be taking it everywhere else with him anyway.

                      You have no obligation to respond to every shitty email the ex sends you.

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                      • #12
                        I'm kinda on the fence on this one. Ange purchased this as a gift for the child, now it comes with strings attached. If it belongs to the child, then I think it should go with the child. I dont see it any differently then the child going to a friends house and taking it.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                          I'm kinda on the fence on this one. Ange purchased this as a gift for the child, now it comes with strings attached. If it belongs to the child, then I think it should go with the child. I dont see it any differently then the child going to a friends house and taking it.


                          I agree. My kids are allowed to take anything they own freely to the other parents. We try to get stuff back, but it doesnít always happen.

                          I get around this with electronics, by not giving them as a gift.


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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                            ...Son was thrilled with this and started bringing it back and forth between our home and school.
                            I told him it wasnít going to go to his dadís house...

                            So there wasn't any issue with him bringing it other places until you made it one. 12 is a good time to have son learn about responsibility, and taking care of his stuff (ex. Chromebook). If it gets broken at school, are you expecting the school to cough up a replacement?


                            Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                            ...
                            ...Am I being petty?...

                            Yes.
                            Last edited by dad2bandm; 02-11-2019, 10:24 AM.

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                            • #15
                              My ex does this to me all the time with our kids phone or ipad. If the device should come to my house there is always the threat that if something should happen to it at my place, I would have to cover it. So if the kid should hypothetically throw it out the window, that would be my fault and I would have to cover it.


                              This is a good opportunity to teach the child about responsibility. If the child breaks the device, the child should be the one on the hook. Yeah, if your ex breaks it themselves, then they should replace it. But to suggest that the ex should be responsible for a careless child is unfair.

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