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Timelines for divorce and child support

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  • Timelines for divorce and child support

    Not clear about how the divorce and child support duel goes
    I want to divorce my wife but do not want to leave my daughters to her during the mediation on asset splitting lest she may harm them in her anger or convince them against me
    Also how long does it go? Days Months years?

  • #2
    From my own experience, reading on here, and how slow the court system is, I'd says years.

    Judging by the severity of abuse in your other post I would pre plan on getting out, and would do it with some help from an agency. CAS can help you with a safety plan.

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    • #3
      Where do the kids stay during that time?

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      • #4
        You can continue to live in the matrimonial home in the basement or the like. Leaving is the one thing they recommend you don’t do.

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        • #5
          Hopefully with you, but your are going to have to prove she is a danger to her children and have her access to the children supervised. There is a member here Iona that is going through something similar, where her ex threatened to kill the child. Hopefully she will chime in and give you advice.

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          • #6
            http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_di...ic.php?t=13374


            The above is the link to The List. Some of it will be helpful. Other parts not so much. It would be helpful to read it and take the useful parts for your situation.

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            • #7
              Thank you all

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              • #8
                Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_di...ic.php?t=13374
                The above is the link to The List. Some of it will be helpful. Other parts not so much. It would be helpful to read it and take the useful parts for your situation.
                One of the better pieces of advice from "The List":

                Above all, never give her your children. They are not bargaining chips!! They are non-negotiable!! This is not open for discussion!! Stick to your guns!!
                Your priority is your safety and the kids. Following that, you are looking at sorting out an SA (separation agreement), that will dictate custody (who makes decisions for the kids), parenting times, CS and SS.

                If she can be reasonable and mediation works, then it can be as short as a couple days to weeks. If it goes thru the courts, then it can take a few years from start to finish.

                As mentioned in the article, the best thing you can do is to prepare now. If it's still possible keep your preparation and plans as hidden from her as possible. Don't let her know anything until you are ready to do it.

                I would get CAS involved before any mediation etc... They have the authority to request that your wife leaves the home, or that you and the children leave. This will go a long way in gaining custody and protecting yourself and the kids.

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                • #9
                  From my own experience- and pretty much every statistic ever on spousal abuse-please pay attention to this warning- the most dangerous time for you and your children is the first 18 months after you leave. Don't be dismissive of this- and don't think because you've left you're necessarily safe.

                  Please make sure you have a safety plan in place. This is a plan should your wife show up at your kids school or your workplace, etc etc...I know this seems like overkill. Honestly- I know how hard it is to admit to other people this is happening. I spent 45 minutes one day with my boss and the head of HR going through all of this and it was humiliating- but necessary.

                  Have you found any help- police or organization to help coordinate you leaving? There is something called high risk victim services- but I believe you need to be involved in a criminal matter- e.g. your wife needs to be charged before you can get referred.

                  Have you called the police? I went into a station and spoke with an officer before I actually told my story to the police- they were really understanding. They said that abuse victims OFTEN don't complain at the time of the assault- but after. Please try to get them to listen to you. Even just speaking to them.

                  Here's the National Domestic Violence Hotline
                  U.S. and Canada: 1-800-799-7233 – The National Domestic Violence Hotline

                  They absolutely help men as well as women.


                  Legal Aid Ontario also specifically helps Domestic Violence victims:
                  http://www.legalaid.on.ca/en/getting...icviolence.asp

                  Keep us informed. If you need any further help finding resources- please PM me.

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