Ex only consent to travel if I consent

[almostdivorced2017]

Hi all,

I've asked to provide travel consent for my vacation with kids in a couple of months. Same, as every year. Last year was the same drama " I will give you consent if you give me consent to my travel later", I objected that my vacation plans have nothing to do with his, but gave up because it got very close to vacation.

Once again, the answer from my ex is now, "I give you my consent if you agree to my travel in 6 months".
Since when this bargaining is legal?
I never objected to any travel plans, but I am tired of being blackmailed.

[iona6656]

Are his plans objectionable? When he’s asking you to reciprocate does he have actual dates and plans? Do you? Or is it a blanket “we’re planning a vacation on x and y dates”....I know it may seem annoying - but I’m trying to see what’s wrong with asking for reciprocation?


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[almostdivorced2017]

I understand your thought. But it is not about a favor, it is a part of the agreement that each parent can travel and need to obtain travel consent. So when I want to travel (yes, travel dates provided) I am asking about my right to receive a travel consent, unless there is an issue with my travel plans.
My travel should not be on the contingency of his travel.

[thefunone]

Courts tend to feel that consent should not be unreasonably withheld without justification. I sign a consent every year and my ex has signed consents for me. If the trip is to someplace that is unsafe or unhealthy for the child(ren)...or if your ex is unwilling to provide you particulars about the trip (dates/locations/flight info/hotel info - these are all reasonable requests for emergency contact info etc) then you may have an argument...but really...your ex should have no issue providing you details of the trip just as you should not have issue with providing the same.

[almostdivorced2017]

Courts tend to feel that consent should not be unreasonably withheld without justification. I sign a consent every year and my ex has signed consents for me. If the trip is to someplace that is unsafe or unhealthy for the child(ren)...or if your ex is unwilling to provide you particulars about the trip (dates/locations/flight info/hotel info - these are all reasonable requests for emergency contact info etc) then you may have an argument...but really...your ex should have no issue providing you details of the trip just as you should not have issue with providing the same.

Thank you,
all that is absolutely correct. I provide all the information. But he is not giving me the consent, he is suddenly binding my request on his sometime in the future request, that I have to confirm if i want to travel now. This - is just power abuse for me Unless I am missing something.

[thefunone]

How about..."While I would certainly support you having the children spend time with you on a vacation, and would most probably sign your consent, I cannot do so blindly without any sort of information. A sharing of information for the purpose of the safety of the children should be our focus"...

[thefunone]

We provide consents so that there are no questions with Customs. Our Consents go something like this:
I (name here) have full knowledge and provide consent for my children (A_B - passport numbers) to travel with their mother/father (insert name) from these dates (insert dates) on Flight (insert flight number) to (destination).
Then sign the bottom.
The document stays with the traveling parent to avoid any potential hassles.

[rockscan]

I would think some common sense language may help?

Dear ex,
Thank you for this request however our agreement outlines that we will BOTH provide details on relevant travel prior to seeking consent. I would never expect you to give blanket approval with no trip details and neither should you expect it of me which is why I have only sought your consent with full details on our travel.
When you have details on your travel dates and destination, we can finalize consents. For now, please provide consent to avoid any issues with the childrens adventure.

[StillPaying]

This - is just power abuse for me Unless I am missing something.

This doesn't seem like blackmail or abuse. It seems like you both take vacations each year and he doesn't trust that you'll give consent, so he wants you both to agree to each others travels at the same time, even if he only says I plan to go sometime in May...

If he hasn't provided details, then you obviously can't provide a travel letter. But there's no harm in writing back that you'll continue to follow the agreement and provide his letter, as you do each year, once the details are provided.

If you know your travels aren't unreasonable, then don't stress over your ex. You provided a couple months notice so there's no rush. Once you're within a month and he's still saying no, then you can bring an urgent motion paid for by your ex.

[CoolGuy41]

Hi all,

I've asked to provide travel consent for my vacation with kids in a couple of months. Same, as every year. Last year was the same drama " I will give you consent if you give me consent to my travel later", I objected that my vacation plans have nothing to do with his, but gave up because it got very close to vacation.

Once again, the answer from my ex is now, "I give you my consent if you agree to my travel in 6 months".
Since when this bargaining is legal?
I never objected to any travel plans, but I am tired of being blackmailed.

You sound like a bitch.

[iona6656]

You sound like a bitch.

she really doesn't.

[iona6656]

This doesn't seem like blackmail or abuse. It seems like you both take vacations each year and he doesn't trust that you'll give consent, so he wants you both to agree to each others travels at the same time, even if he only says I plan to go sometime in May...

It actually kind of does- given that she's said she's never objected to his travel plans. If that's the case, then why does he need to receive consent for his plans before she gets hers? It's tit for tat.


I'd go with Rocksan's suggestion- simple language.

[StillPaying]

" I will give you consent if you give me consent to my travel later"

He's not asking for a consent letter now before her. He's asking for a meaningless confirmation that he can take his usual vacation. There's no harm in writing back that it's ok.

This is not the same thing as the travel letter that she is getting. Once he provides the details, she can still not approve it if it's unreasonable.

[rockscan]

It is unreasonable behaviour on his part.

If the tables were turned and it was him saying please consent and she said she would only do so if he agreed to xyz, you all would be up in arms.

Why does he need to state this now? There should be no conditions on his consent. If he is concerned she won’t consent later then he can remind her he was reasonable when she asked.

Its a no brainer. Requests for consent with full travel details should receive a yes period. There is no need for a “only if you do what I want”.

Its a control issue and her ex wants to control her by adding the condition.

[StillPaying]

I agree. It's a control thing. She can take control, say no, ask some more, stress, then go to court. Or she can just write back, 'ok' and be done with it. Address his travel when you get the details, but there's no issue in writing back and ending this now. Whether you should or not, who cares.