Work schedules

[kate331]

I don't get it, what's the problem? If you were an intact family you would also have the kids every day you were not working.

On a tactical note... take the kids as much as possible before you start the custody fight. The fact that this is not obvious to you is a little disconcerting.

True, but in an intact family there are two of you. I myself find it hard to do it as a single parent. There were nights, I couldnt wait to run out to the grocery store to grab some milk or bread just for the break. Now I barely get to go to the bathroom by myself.

And I don't work anywhere near a 17 hour day, I feel your pain!

[Corona99]

I’m sorry if I upset some of you. It’s hard to explain years of a situation in a few short paragraphs. I want my kids as much as possible. I’m working 17 hour days just to be able to have them as much as I do. I think if you understood the situation it would be better but I just can’t write it all out here. Thank you to the poster that understood - my ex emotionally abused me for years and controlled me and I’m just trying to get my life back. 😔

[backinthesaddle]

Permanent Schedule

I know exactly what you are going through. I am a shift worker too, My ex knows my schedule and yes it was agreed that I would have my kids on my days off and I was happy about that but he controlled me through that. My days are set and don't fluctuate, just the times. If I got off work at 4pm, he expected me at his house at 415pm. It technically wasn't even my "day". We had a set schedule 2-2-3 but my days were never my days. I would always take the kids whenever there was a scheduling conflict with their sports etc and always help out taking my holiday leave to help but it was never reciprocated. He would be sitting at home laughing at me struggling kids to get everywhere. He doesn't care if it meant the kids paid a price. As long as he controlled me. The minute I had a moment to myself and he was aware he could drop the kids off at my door and leave. They prefer to be with me anyway. Even when I had to work and he got in a bad mood, they were dropped off causing me to call sick into work. This isn't about knowing your schedule, it is about control. I am now looking at week on week off because there is no telling me what to do any longer. I will have to get daycare or a nanny but well worth it for my peace of mind and sanity. I do agree that your ex does deserve to know what the scheduling is but make it consistent. I wouldn't like to be told a week or two in advance what the custody schedule is going to be.She has to plan her life too. There has to be a better schedule that pleases everyone and it is better for the kids to have some structure.

[standing on the sidelines]

I don't get it, what's the problem? If you were an intact family you would also have the kids every day you were not working.

On a tactical note... take the kids as much as possible before you start the custody fight. The fact that this is not obvious to you is a little disconcerting.

glad I wasnt the only one who picked up on that. One would think that the poster would want the kids all they time they are off. he says the mom just wants him to take the kids so she can have kid free days. If they have 50/50 then she will have kid free days. She is working with his work schedule so he can have the kids when he is off so he can spend time with the kids vs having to use a sitter.

To me it is a golden situation. Maybe the OP can explain why he doesnt like that she wants to work with his timetable for work?

[Janus]

Ex now is demanding a copy of my work schedule (IÂ’m a shift worker). I wouldnÂ’t care except I used to give it to her and she started to use it to demand I take the kids on every single day I wasnÂ’t working so she could go away and have days to herself without the kids.

I don't get it, what's the problem? If you were an intact family you would also have the kids every day you were not working.

On a tactical note... take the kids as much as possible before you start the custody fight. The fact that this is not obvious to you is a little disconcerting.

[mom22girls]

It is more stable to have a fixed schedule like 2-2-3 or 2-2-5-5 than to pick random days. It will also lead to less fights in the future.

I know several shift workers that have been able to make deals with their employer where they work on the weekends they don’t have kids, and don’t work weekends on the days they do have kids.

Having her do drop offs and pick ups is setting yourself up for failure, and doesn’t give her a day off. See if you can find a way around this.


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[Corona99]

Hi there.

I think we will have to get a lawyer unfortunately but I’m wondering if anyone has experience with this.

We have shared joint custody.

Ex wife is very resentful and hostile and despite me giving in to so many of her demands, she still fights me on almost everything.

It’s affecting and hurting the kids but she doesn’t see it. I know I am powerless to stop her badmouthing me to the kids. I’ve begged her to go to divorce counselling with me. She refuses.

She’s recently refused to do pick up and drop offs that were agreed to.

We have a signed separation agreement but it’s not “specific” about schedules. We have not been to court (can’t afford it) so it’s not “court ordered”.

Ex now is demanding a copy of my work schedule (I’m a shift worker). I wouldn’t care except I used to give it to her and she started to use it to demand I take the kids on every single day I wasn’t working so she could go away and have days to herself without the kids.

She has said she won’t “approve” the custody schedule starting Monday unless I give her a copy of my work schedule. Can she demand this? I don’t want to be difficult but I know she’s going to use it to manipulate me etc. I feel beaten by this whole process already.