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  • #31
    Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
    His application asks for joint and parenting time as the court deems acceptable.
    You mentioned he wanted shared before, but if he started an application and didn't ask for any access and only interested in custody decisions then you have nothing to worry about.

    As to overnights- what I'm more concerned about is her well-being (as well as safety- but that's for the OCL to rule on I guess?). He can't cook. He's learned to make 1 thing -and it's the same thing he's been feeding her for lunch for the last 8 months.
    I don't really cook either and my kids eat out at least once a day, but I still have shared custody. What if ocl has no concerns?

    Edited to add: I *WANT* the schedule to change. Depending on the OCL recommendation- I want time to increase gradually including overnights. I don't see that he needs to wait to a specific age- it's more about just getting her used to spending time at both homes regularly. And most importantly- showing that he can actually care for her.
    That's the million dollar question. You seem ok with change but not overnights. If ocl says it should be eow and wednesdays now, and then increase to 50/50, what do you do? Presumably he would have no issues with his counseling/ criminal matter, supervision centre, ocl, etc.
    ~ I hope you don't mind me playing devil's advocate here.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by StillPaying View Post

      I don't really cook either and my kids eat out at least once a day, but I still have shared custody. What if ocl has no concerns?
      Our daughter can't eat out- she has really severe allergy restrictions. She's anaphylactic to dairy, eggs and mustard. She's had two reactions that required epi pens and trips to the hospital (Epi pens always require 911 call). The last one was so severe she had a rebound reaction IN the emergency room that required another shot of Epinephrine. The risk of cross contamination is just too high in 99% of restaurants.

      I'm trying my hardest to work with him to get him to be able to feed her. As I've said- I've offered up recipes....some frozen meals to keep at his place, etc etc...Like I said- things will likely get better as she gets older I'm sure.

      I'll wait to see what the OCL says.


      That's the million dollar question. You seem ok with change but not overnights. If ocl says it should be eow and wednesdays now, and then increase to 50/50, what do you do? Presumably he would have no issues with his counseling/ criminal matter, supervision centre, ocl, etc.
      ~ I hope you don't mind me playing devil's advocate here.
      I'm fine with overnights- I just think the plan has to be gradual for a two year old who's only care giver has been mom- and then grandma after. Dad has literally never done anything- no baths, no mealtimes, etc etc...dad was fun time guy. But does that mean he can't be dad? No. He can be- he can do anything I do for her...but I'm not sure just tossing her at him and saying "Okay- your turn" is the right answer. I'm baffled by the sentiment on here I see a lot that somehow kids are like toys that need to be shared equally. They're not.

      Let's get her used to spending the entire day there- and help her get used to eating food dad cooks.

      Or shit- even if I have to send meals for the week with dad frozen until he gets the hang of cooking. But that's SO enabling...don't forget this is with the backdrop of an abusive relationship in the past between the parents. And before someone yells "where's your evidence??!"- charges against dad. That's my evidence. Counselling where abuse is addressed BEFORE separation. That's my evidence. But I'm not here to prove or defend the DV.

      I'm trying to find proactive solutions here to help dad be dad- and share parenting time...while also not having to be enmeshed with someone who was a total shithead to me.

      IF OCL says EOW and Wednesdays and that works well- then we keep increasing the parenting time as she gets older. If dad and I both keep doing the work to be better parents- then we both get to be parents. But only time will tell.

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      • #33
        I commend you on trying to maintain your daughter's relationship with the father, even after all you've been through. I can only imagine the trying times and vulnerable moments you must have endured (which could have given you good reason to withdraw your daughter from him). You appear to be making all the proper steps into reintegrating the two of them. I can't see lawyers arguing this point or a court, by that matter. Stay strong for yourself and your daughter. I believe that as long as the child is loved and taken care of, all other matters will work themselves out in time. Best of luck in your journey!!

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